Toon and text by John Auchter If you spend more than a few moments with my wife's family, there is a pretty good chance you're going to hear a Caddyshack reference. That is, a quote from the 1980 film will work its way into the conversation — sometimes in context, always … [Read more...]
The Monday Brenda: How is it empty space never stays empty?
Recently one of the kids came home looking for a box of collectibles that he swears he left in his closet. Upon searching, he was stunned to find a whole lot of stuff, but no cards. He finally located his stuff in the basement storage area where I keep holiday collectibles and … [Read more...]
The Grammar Phantom rides again
For the last 20 years or so, my ridiculously judgmental and inevitably correct alter ego – The Grammar Phantom – has fought a lonely battle to expose and shame those who mangle the language, both written and spoken, including but not limited to: First degree apostrophe … [Read more...]
The weekly Auchtoon: So it turns out infrastructure matters
There is nothing quite as annoying as the overenthusiastic zeal that comes with the recently discovered — especially when it has been commonly known and readily accessible for years and years. So I apologize in advance, but, OHMYGOSH, YOU GUYS! HAVE YOU SEEN THE SOO LOCKS?! THEY … [Read more...]
What part of ‘Don’t clog the left lane’ don’t you understand?
As a longtime commuter (six years of driving more than 60 miles to work and another 60 home), I'm here to tell you that I am positively thrilled about Michigan State Police officially reminding folks about the laws of driving in the passing lane. And the law is "don't." Don't … [Read more...]
Here’s why lakes are better than oceans
During my annual summer week up north, I saw a T-shirt that said “The Great Lakes – no salt, no sharks, no problems.” I could have written that myself. I’ve always thought the Great Lakes – in fact, all freshwater lakes – are vastly superior to the ocean. A big part of it … [Read more...]
This week’s Auchtoon: Maybe regulations aren’t so bad after all
In the cartoon series South Park, there is a classic episode titled "Gnomes." In that episode, a high-strung, over-caffeinated boy named Tweek is freaked out when gnomes repeatedly sneak into his bedroom at night to steal his underpants from his dresser. Tweek tells his fellow … [Read more...]
The Heller Poll results: One lake to rule them all
This one wasn't even close. Of the 227 people who took this week's Heller Poll on which Great Lake is the greatest of them all, 59 percent said Lake Michigan. In second place was Lake Superior with 30 percent, while Lake Huron finished a dismal third with 15 percent. (I realize … [Read more...]
Come Heller high water … the August 10th edition
Come Heller high water … Yes, of course, I’m sick to death of writing about Trump. You’re probably sick to death of reading about him. But the man doesn’t allow you to look away, even for a second. That's the thing about train wrecks, I guess. We all need November to get … [Read more...]
The Heller Poll: Which is the greatest Great Lake of them all?
It's the eternal summer debate in Michigan: Which is the best lake to vacation on, dream by, sail upon, swim within, build sand castles next to. I grew up on Lake Michigan, so for me it's no contest. But what say you? (You watch - this'll come down to a contest between the … [Read more...]
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