Come Heller high water …
- It was a historic day for America yesterday. Hillary Clinton became the first woman to become the presidential nominee for a major party. And Donald Trump didn’t insult anyone for 24 whole hours. Amazing.
- By the way, some of you may have noticed that I wrote “a” historic rather than “an” historic, which is what a lot of people do because they think it sounds stuffier, which must mean it’s correct. It’s not. The use of a or an depends on the sound of the word, even if written. If the first letter is silent when spoken (“hour”) then you use an. If the first letter is pronounced, as in historic, you use a. No need to thank me. It’s been a honor to serve you.
- You caught what I did there, right?
- I’d like to see Hillary name Elizabeth Warren as her running mate, one, because I like Warren, and, two, because it would cause the heads of Trump supporters to spin off their necks into outer space, which would be fun, even though all those orbiting Republican heads might strike and damage whatever satellite beams DirectTV to my home. Trade-offs are part of life, though.
- Even though he’s lost, Bernie Sanders says he’s going to keep campaigning. Man, this is one person you do not want to play Monopoly with. Bernie, buddy, I love ya, but you don’t get anything for landing on Park Place after the game is over, OK?
- Wait, Trump actually said “my African-American?” The man is a living breathing Saturday Night Live skit. Even Ku Klux Klan members have gotta be thinking, “Wow, even we wouldn’t say that.”
- While we’re on the Trumpster, have you ever in your life heard anyone complain more about not being treated “fair” (that’s how he says it – not fairly – apparently because he missed class on adverbs day)?
- One last Trump thing. Dear media, please stop reporting that Trump is “doubling down” on his whack-job declaration of the day, whatever it may be. You can safely assume he’s not backing down from anything he says, which means it’s not news. And even if it were, there are other ways to describe it than “doubling down,” which is irritating me. (And that’s all that matters, right?)
- Snyder said this week he still “occasionally” drinks Flint water. You believe that, right? Sure you do. I can see him buzzing his admin on the intercom and saying, “I’m parched, bring in a big ‘ol jug of Flint water so I can show solidarity, please. But strain it first.” C’mon.
- By the way, it’s been between one and two years – depending on whose timeline you use – and next to no pipes in Flint have been replaced. What we have here is a slow motion emergency response. If Flint were having a heart attack, it would be dead by now. Thanks, state of Michigan.
- Snyder said this week he’s still politically relevant, which of course is proof that he isn’t, as many, many wags have pointed out. He’s more than irrelevant, though. He’s flat-out politically toxic. Kind of like Flint’s water. Irony stings.
- In the “Stuff that Didn’t Need to be Studied” department comes this headline: “Scientists say cuteness ensures a baby’s survival.” Wow. Really? And here I thought it was all the screaming and pooping. Go figure.
- Thanks to readers of My City Magazine in Flint for voting yours truly Best Local Columnist for 2016. For those who don’t know, you can find all my columns here on the website. But I also appear weekly in the print and web edition of The Tri-County Times and monthly in the Genesee County View newspapers.
- “When the wires are all down and your heart is covered with the snows of pessimism and the ice of cynicism, then, and only then, have you grown old.” – Samuel Ullman.
Image credit: Donkey Hotey