Before we leave fall too far behind, allow me to pen a quick note to the owners of leaf blowers – the single worst invention of mankind, with the possible exception of hip-hop. Or shrink wrap. Or possibly Wolf Blitzer. It’s a toss-up.
Dear Leaf Blower Owners:
You’re killing me. Seriously, you’re killing me. Knock it the heck off.
Remember that extremely rare 70-degree November afternoon we had last week? I was out on the deck enjoying the heck out of it with a glass of wine and H.W. Brands’ biography of Ben Franklin “The First American,” which I recommend.
I was in hog heaven. I read a few paragraphs, then took a sip, then marveled at the peace and perfection of the day. Then I repeated this entirely pleasant sequence – read, sip, marvel – for 30 glorious minutes.
Then this happened: “RHEEEEEEEE!”
That was you and your loud, screechy leaf blower toy. You’re aware of the screechiness, yes? If not, let me assure you, your leaf blower sounds like a hundred 20-year-old pickup trucks with loose timing belts.
RHEEEEEEEEE!
Or a thousand babies crying at once.
RHEEEEEEEEE!
Or a million hair bands with a million blow dryers getting their fluff on before a concert.
RHEEEEEEEEE!
It’s the pitch that gets me even more than the volume. It’s this high, tinny, insistent pitch that is instant ear agony. I can’t be the only one bothered by it. Why the leaf blower industry can’t lower the pitch so that it’s a loud but endurable BUUUUUUUH! (think foghorn) instead of a whiny, insistent RHEEEEE! is beyond me. Probably it’s because it would cost them 20 extra cents per unit for a muffler. Can’t have that. No, no. Much better to annoy the hell out of America for all eternity than make a modestly better product.
RHEEEEEEEE!
I also don’t get why the industry can get away with creating a product that deafens people three backyards away. Isn’t there some sort of federal agency that regulates stuff like that — the Department of Noise or something?
If not, there should be. If nothing else, think of the squirrels and their hearing. Do we really want a generation of squirrels that go around saying, “What?”
Call me anti-progress, but what was so wrong with rakes? They’re quiet and quaint and you get some exercise when you use them. And if you can’t or don’t want to rake leaves or simply have too many of them, pay a kid, for crying out loud, you cheapskate, or use the time-honored method of letting the wind carry off your leaves to neighboring yards.
Convenience? Yes, I get that leaf blowers are convenient. They prevent sore backs and arms. They save time, I’m sure.
But at what cost? The sheer pervasiveness of leaf blowers has led to the death of peace and quiet on beautiful autumn afternoons in most neighborhoods across America.
If that’s not a crime against humanity, I don’t know what is.
Image credit: Guian Bolisay
I hate that thing and cringe everytime he get’s it out….but I HATE raking leaves worse. 🙂
Couldn’t agree more, and I loathe myself every time I use it.
Ha, no need for that but I do wish users would coordinate so entire days are one long RHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
President elect Trump said in his campaign he was outlawing leaf blowers but he changed his mind on that too!! Go figure.
Ha, yup!
The official footwear of the Trump administration? The flip flop
We have discovered that our leaf blower is excellent for removing fluffy lake effect snow from the vehicles and driveway.
My electric leaf blower is much quieter than gas ones, and I do like to sweep snow with it.
I use my ELECTRIC Toro as a leaf vacuum (it can convert to blower). I’ll do a rough raking into massive longitudinal piles, then vacuum those. Makes for more-compactable bagfuls for the compost pickup. Given I only need my LG Headset streaming audiobooks or podcasts to cover the sound of the electric vacuum, figure that I’m not irritating as many people as the gas-powered leafblowers do.
Hey, Andy. How about sitting on our back deck with said glass of wine, really enjoying the gorgeous fall afternoon and suddenly, what’s that smell? Some idiot neighbor is burning wet, yes wet, leaves and the breeze is not blowing towards his house. Oh, no. It’s right at mine. Can I borrow your neighbors leaf blower and point it at him? Please!
All yours except … wait, don’t have one. Snowblow your drive onto his drive this winter.
PERFECT!
Lawnmowers too. Are any of you old enough to remember hand-pushed lawn mowers? They have a lovely swish-swish sound, as they generate that great fresh-mown grass smell, without any combustion fume stink.
You still can get them at some hardware stores and at country sales. They do a fine job on small urban lawns. No need for noisy stinky power mowers.