Come Heller high water … the Sometimes it Snows in %$#@! April edition

Come Heller high water …

• You know that Prince song “Sometimes it Snows in April?” It’s way too accurate for Michigan, except the word “sometimes” should be replaced with “often” or “usually” or “inevitably.” I swear the state is getting colder and the winters longer. When’s the last time we truly had an “early” spring in Michigan? Could have been last year, for all I know. But in my memory – no doubt jaded by the 2-foot snow drifts in my driveway this morning – it’s been ages. I swear March and April and sometimes May are official parts of winter now. If so, we’re down to just five months of non-sucking weather. And people wonder what Michiganians see in Florida.
• I swear if I hear one more person say, “Guess they were wrong about global warming,” I may throw an icicle at them.
• How come adults never get snow days? If I owned a business I like to think I’d give the occasional snow day just so people thought I was awesome. (Which I am.) But I probably wouldn’t.
• Thank god for Daylight Saving time. It allows me to see how much snow there is when I get home from work. (I think I’m starting to sound a bit bitter about the weather. Do you detect that?) Of course, I’m the guy who founded the frequently not updated Facebook page “Weather Whiners of America,” so …
• Someone should explain the concepts of cold and snow to Major League Baseball schedulers. Instead of canceling game after game in cities like Detroit, Cleveland, New York and Chicago, wouldn’t it make more sense to have northern teams play away games the first two weeks of April in Texas, California, Seattle, Tampa and so on? Of course it would. Which is why they don’t do it. Baseball never makes sense.
• I see Genesee County government is spending $50,000 from a veteran’s millage so vets can get into the Ally Challenge PGA golf tournament at Warwick Hills this summer. Did no one ask, “Um, folks, wouldn’t that be better spent actually helping a vet get care, food or housing?” Of course it would. And what about those vets who don’t like golf and wouldn’t watch it if you paid them? Don’t you think they might be a little offended? There ought to be a law that stuff like this goes on the ballot when they ask for a renewal. It should say, “Dear taxpayers, last time you approved this millage we spent it to support a golf tournament for rich guys wearing gaudy pants.”
• Of course, maybe I’m just crabby today.
• The critics all said “Roseanne” was great. So I watched it. And it wasn’t great at all. It was merely competently written, meaning it was slightly better than most of the dreck that passes for sitcoms these days. Sorry. It’s the truth.
• Someone put donuts and a bag of fresh oranges in the kitchen at work. I’m not sure if they’re trying to be respectful of the health conscious or if it’s some kind of psychological test. If it’s the latter, I failed. The cinnamon roll was delicious. Although I was clever enough to cut it half. According to well-known laws of science, if you only eat half of something none of the calories count.
• “Spring is sooner recognized by plants than by men.” – Chinese proverb.