Come Heller high water …
- Oakland University is passing out hockey pucks to faculty and students to chuck at would-be mass shooters on campus. No, really. They are. If that wasn’t so incredibly sad, it’d be funny. We seemingly will do anything to avoid doing anything about guns. Think about that for a second. We would rather have our kids grow up doing active shooter drills as a normal part of their education and throwing hockey pucks – hockey pucks – at people armed with military weapons than do anything about guns. Why do we do this, people? Most of us don’t even own guns and most of us would prefer to put the words “well-regulated” back into the 2nd Amendment (OK, they never left, but we conveniently ignore that part.) So why do we consistently cave into the NRA and the gun nuts? The answer: Mostly because they shout louder and we’re kinda lazy about things until they directly affect us. Again, that’s so sad it’s almost funny. But not really.
- The solution is easy, of course. Collectively we need to tell the NRA to puck off.
- Don’t misunderstand, I’m behind Oakland U on this. At least they’re trying. But from a practical standpoint, what’s the likelihood that the puck-throwers will actually hit a shooter? Have you ever watched people throw out first pitches at Tigers games? They’re as likely to hit someone in the stands as the catcher. Yes, I know the idea is to “distract” the shooter, not to knock him out. But if that’s the case, how about Silly String? What’s more distracting (and nontoxic – safety first!) than Silly String?
- I have a bone to pick with some of you. I ran a “One Thanksgiving Food to Rule Them All” bracket-style tournament on my Facebook page last week. In the finals, oven-roasted turkey defeated mashed potatoes and gravy to take the title, which surprised the heck out of me. I thought most people were like me and thought turkey was, yeah, the bland center of the meal but the true stars were the sides. What is wrong with you people?
- Don’t you think Hugh Jackman, who is often called the nicest guy in Hollywood, gets sick of being so nice all the time and sometimes wants to just rip the tag off a mattress or flip someone off in traffic? I would but that’s me.
- Electric scooters are taking over downtowns coast to coast, including Detroit and, I hear, Ann Arbor. Would you ride one? I’m not so sure I would. I have terrible balance. Plus, you know, I have legs and feet. (Plus, riding a scooter seems like kind of a millennial hipster thing to do, and if I rode one maybe I’d suddenly have the urge to grow a lumberjack beard and put avocado on my toast, so, yeah, no thanks.)
- I’d get one of those Peloton stationery bikes because I like spin classes but the idea of paying thousands of dollars for a bike that doesn’t go anywhere is a bit weird.
- From November 1 to April 1, Michigan isn’t the Great Lakes State. It’s really the Great Zero-Humidity State, isn’t it? My hands! My hands! Has anyone ever died of dry skin? If not, I could be the first.
- By the time “Game of Thrones” comes back, will anyone care? I couldn’t keep the plotlines and names of the characters straight as it was. How lost will I be after a year off? (When the lovely yet formidable Marcia and I watch, we say things like “Hey, there’s that guy who did that thing … you know, in that one episode.” Middle age is an ugly thing sometimes.)
- Dare I say the Detroit Pistons don’t entirely suck this year? They seem like a team that’s a trade or two from suddenly blossoming into a contender.
- The Rolling Stones just announced their 2019 tour. I gotta go. You never know which tour will be the last. I know some people tease them about their age, but I’ll tell you what, if I hope when I’m 75 I can still jump around like Mick can. Dude’s 75!
- “In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” – Albert Camus.
Image credit: Matt Boulton, Creative Commons