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Come Heller high water … the mushroom cloud edition

January 4, 2018 by Andrew Heller 27 Comments

Come Heller high water …

  • You of course saw that Trump tweeted about how his nuclear button is bigger and mightier than Kim Jong Un’s nuclear button. So that’s what the fate of the world has come down to – a sick old man playing “my wee-wee is bigger than your wee-wee” with a sick young man. Great. Just great. See, this is why I stopped watching “House of Cards.” After Trump, the plot lines were just too dull. I can’t imagine Frank Underwood doing half the things Trump does. And if you can’t imagine Frank Underwood doing something, that’s really saying something.
  • When I moaned about the button tweet on Facebook, a reader wrote “Thank God we finally have a president with balls.” It’s not balls to taunt a nutjob (see what I did there?) armed with nuclear weapons, it’s just stupid. Yeah, sure, we’d win a nuclear war, but a whole lot of human beings would lose, too. My guess is that woman’s relatives probably won’t be among them or maybe she’d care more.
  • Another reader more my speed wrote: “Well, some of us women have an answer for men playing the biggest (wee-wee) contest. It’s called a knife.” OK, then I nominate Lorena Bobbitt for U.S. ambassador to North Korea.
  • In a new book, Steve Bannon called the Trump team’s meeting with Russians at Trump Tower during the campaign “treasonous” and “unpatriotic.” I don’t know how to feel about that since I’ve never agreed with a single word he’s ever spoken or written. So does this mean he’s wrong and I just can’t see how or that he’s right and pigs will now rule the sky? I’m so confused. Help me.
  • Hey, America, you just got trickled on rather trickled down to. By that I mean Home Depot just announced it’ll use it’s new tax law savings ($15 billion) not to create more jobs or raise pay but to buy back its own stock, which will benefit shareholders and executives. This should surprise no one, since that’s exactly what every analyst said would happen since corporate America was already swimming in cash before the new law. But it still sucks. This is just the first of many similar announcements. There’s going to be so much trickling that we’ll all need umbrellas so our shoes don’t fill up.
  • Note to self: Don’t buy umbrella at Home Depot. Buy it from Lowe’s or Ace Hardware.
  • Attorney General Jess Sessions rescinded Obama administration rules that more or less let states decide their own pot laws. The stock price of Hostess immediately dropped 50 points.
  • When the Lions hire their next coach, they should immediately turn around and fire him, just for efficiency’s sake.
  • Where I live we got about 20 inches of snow last weekend. I haven’t had snow banks over my head since I was a kid. It’s delightful and a pain in the patoot, all at the same time. It’d be more of a delight if adults got snow days. Alas …
  • What? I just read Oregon just passed a law making it legal for gas stations in rural counties to offer self-service. Apparently self-service pumping has been banned in Oregon for years. Why didn’t somebody tell me this? I love having gas pumped for me because, well, because I’m lazy. Plus I’m a bit of a germaphobe who doesn’t like touching the pump handle 64 million other people touch. (Hey. I’ve been in restrooms. I know how many guys don’t wash.)
  • “I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions. I think if you want to change something, change it today and don’t wait until the New Year.” -Georgina Bloomberg.

Image credit: James Vaughan

Filed Under: All Columns, Come Heller high water Tagged With: Andrew Heller, andrewheller.com, Come Heller high water

Comments

  1. jbcsfl says

    January 4, 2018 at 7:16 pm

    This trump/Un nonsense is getting out of hand……….. it worries me.

    Reply
  2. Jim III says

    January 4, 2018 at 8:12 pm

    I saw a cartoon on a right wing site that showed President Trump and fat boy in separate baby cribs talking back and forth each saying my button is bigger than yours.
    Will anything come of this foolish talk? Hopefully not. I do not believe that President Trump would be the one to push the button first.
    According to some reports over the years just because a president wants to launch a nuke does not mean that those who would actually “push the button” might not push the button.
    If you have been paying attention, fat boy appears to have not missed any meals lately.
    Everyone around him are looking rather skinny and fat boy looks way too fat.
    All fat boy has to do is launch 1 nuke and have it explode about 100-150 miles above the North American continent and it would cause more damage than having 5 or 6 dropped on different cities.

    Reply
  3. NativeOfMichigan says

    January 4, 2018 at 9:18 pm

    The Trump administration, reversing guidelines put in place under Obama, is scaling back the use of fines against nursing homes that harm residents or place them in grave risk of injury. Hey Grandma! Too bad, so sad.

    Reply
    • Jims says

      January 5, 2018 at 4:04 pm

      Obama made a fool out of trump with the birthed thing. He will undo anything he did good or bad. The republican way!

      Reply
  4. Teddy Luba says

    January 4, 2018 at 9:36 pm

    Lets put Trumps sons on the front lines and see how much he wants to push the button then.

    Reply
    • Rick says

      January 4, 2018 at 9:45 pm

      ^^ Ivanka

      Reply
    • Tom says

      January 5, 2018 at 11:53 pm

      Right on, Ted!

      Reply
  5. Working Dad says

    January 4, 2018 at 9:55 pm

    If only Bill Clinton had not provided the North Koreans with the apparatus to actually manufacturer weapons grade nuclear material and $5 billion USD so they could purchase uranium, we would not even be having this conversation.

    Democrats armed North Korea with nukes and celebrated their accomplishment as successful.

    Reply
    • Jim III says

      January 4, 2018 at 10:06 pm

      Careful working dad, your telling the truth about how NOKO got their foot in the door and on the path to creating nuclear weapons is going to upset fred and jim says. They are more than likely going to call you a liar and smear your name all over the place. That will just be their opening salvo.

      Reply
    • Working Dad says

      January 5, 2018 at 6:46 am

      I know… I know…. These Democrat snowflakes try to create a “safe space” free of truth here. Andy Heller helps them all he can.

      Reply
    • Jims says

      January 5, 2018 at 10:03 am

      Should tell the whole story dad. Clinton wanted to give the north 4 billion dollars so they could build nuclear reactors for electricity. Virtually impossible to build a bomb with the uranium or the waste. The republicans took office and nixed the deal. It never happened.

      Reply
      • Fred says

        January 5, 2018 at 11:10 am

        They have no defense for their president’s behavior, so they are deflecting to Bill Clinton.

        Reply
      • Jim III says

        January 5, 2018 at 8:25 pm

        jim says and fred, you two act like you know something about nuclear weapons. But, I do not think you know as much as you think you know.
        Fat Boy was a uranium based weapon that was dropped on Hiroshima. Little
        boy was a plutonium based weapon that was dropped on Nagasaki. They were both detonated by different methods.
        You need uranium in order to make a nuclear weapons. True that the uranium has to be more than 90% pure in order to make the weapon go boom correctly.
        If NOKO got uranium from slick willey’s machinations, then NOKO can process the not so pure uranium to the proper level of purity. It is dangerous to process, but it is doable if you have access to the instructions and certain equipment and the scientists who understand the basic of bomb making.
        President Trump did not cause the NOKO to get the materials, slick willey and obama did all of that. President Trump is stuck with the results. I do not really like how it is beirn handled.

        Reply
        • Tom says

          January 5, 2018 at 9:25 pm

          Jimmy – The other commentor was correct. That deal never happened. No uranium nor anything else ever went to Korea.

          Reply
          • Teddy Luba says

            January 5, 2018 at 9:53 pm

            Maybe the uranium came from Trumps buddy. Russia is setting back and laughing its ass off.

        • Fred says

          January 5, 2018 at 11:18 pm

          Do you mean like how Obama was stuck with the results of G.W. Bush’s war and economic woes that he improved over the course of two terms, so Trump could take credit for it?

          Reply
          • Jims says

            January 6, 2018 at 11:41 am

            When you prove these guys wrong Fred, they all disappear.

          • Fred says

            January 6, 2018 at 12:13 pm

            I wonder why. I am just using their own logic.

  6. Richie B says

    January 5, 2018 at 7:53 am

    The solution to the Trump/Rocket Man problem may be simpler than we realize…I’m thinking of an old-fashioned pistol duel…could be a win-win result…either way, there would be one less nut job around.

    Reply
  7. Vicki says

    January 5, 2018 at 9:04 am

    I agree with Richie B. Let these two so -called leaders duel it out between themselves. As a matter of fact that would be a good idea for all countries. Maybe they would think twice before deciding to send all their young men off to die.

    Reply
  8. Tom says

    January 5, 2018 at 9:43 am

    Does Trump know how preposterous his Bigger Button talk is? I believe so. Trump seems to have understood Marco Rubio’s talk about Small Hands, during the campaign. So, Trump must be saying this Bigger Button stuff on purpose. Apparently, he believes it is clever or funny. Such a twit!

    Reply
  9. Tom says

    January 5, 2018 at 9:45 am

    Trump probably believes he can get away with grabbing Kim by his button.

    Reply
    • Jims says

      January 5, 2018 at 3:42 pm

      When your famous they will let you do it. Just grab them by the button!

      Reply
  10. Al Kurmas says

    January 5, 2018 at 1:19 pm

    Time to dust off that old Kingston Trio “Hungry i” album and revisit “Merry Minuet”!

    Reply
    • Tom says

      January 5, 2018 at 9:27 pm

      Can you post a link to Merry Minuet?

      Reply
  11. Tom says

    January 6, 2018 at 12:03 am

    Try this for Merry Minuet:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCTdfo6T-u8

    Reply
  12. Tired of the BS says

    January 7, 2018 at 6:31 pm

    https://scontent-atl3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/26166857_10156096093061584_2773594165877261714_n.jpg?oh=5822cc60595e6fd803793ab3d1ea540f&oe=5AF49986

    Reply

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