Come Heller high water …
- You of course saw that Trump tweeted about how his nuclear button is bigger and mightier than Kim Jong Un’s nuclear button. So that’s what the fate of the world has come down to – a sick old man playing “my wee-wee is bigger than your wee-wee” with a sick young man. Great. Just great. See, this is why I stopped watching “House of Cards.” After Trump, the plot lines were just too dull. I can’t imagine Frank Underwood doing half the things Trump does. And if you can’t imagine Frank Underwood doing something, that’s really saying something.
- When I moaned about the button tweet on Facebook, a reader wrote “Thank God we finally have a president with balls.” It’s not balls to taunt a nutjob (see what I did there?) armed with nuclear weapons, it’s just stupid. Yeah, sure, we’d win a nuclear war, but a whole lot of human beings would lose, too. My guess is that woman’s relatives probably won’t be among them or maybe she’d care more.
- Another reader more my speed wrote: “Well, some of us women have an answer for men playing the biggest (wee-wee) contest. It’s called a knife.” OK, then I nominate Lorena Bobbitt for U.S. ambassador to North Korea.
- In a new book, Steve Bannon called the Trump team’s meeting with Russians at Trump Tower during the campaign “treasonous” and “unpatriotic.” I don’t know how to feel about that since I’ve never agreed with a single word he’s ever spoken or written. So does this mean he’s wrong and I just can’t see how or that he’s right and pigs will now rule the sky? I’m so confused. Help me.
- Hey, America, you just got trickled on rather trickled down to. By that I mean Home Depot just announced it’ll use it’s new tax law savings ($15 billion) not to create more jobs or raise pay but to buy back its own stock, which will benefit shareholders and executives. This should surprise no one, since that’s exactly what every analyst said would happen since corporate America was already swimming in cash before the new law. But it still sucks. This is just the first of many similar announcements. There’s going to be so much trickling that we’ll all need umbrellas so our shoes don’t fill up.
- Note to self: Don’t buy umbrella at Home Depot. Buy it from Lowe’s or Ace Hardware.
- Attorney General Jess Sessions rescinded Obama administration rules that more or less let states decide their own pot laws. The stock price of Hostess immediately dropped 50 points.
- When the Lions hire their next coach, they should immediately turn around and fire him, just for efficiency’s sake.
- Where I live we got about 20 inches of snow last weekend. I haven’t had snow banks over my head since I was a kid. It’s delightful and a pain in the patoot, all at the same time. It’d be more of a delight if adults got snow days. Alas …
- What? I just read Oregon just passed a law making it legal for gas stations in rural counties to offer self-service. Apparently self-service pumping has been banned in Oregon for years. Why didn’t somebody tell me this? I love having gas pumped for me because, well, because I’m lazy. Plus I’m a bit of a germaphobe who doesn’t like touching the pump handle 64 million other people touch. (Hey. I’ve been in restrooms. I know how many guys don’t wash.)
- “I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions. I think if you want to change something, change it today and don’t wait until the New Year.” -Georgina Bloomberg.
Image credit: James Vaughan