Come Heller high water …
- Politico this week reported that Trump uses an unencrypted cell phone because encrypted phones are “too inconvenient.” Apparently, it’s not considered much of a security risk, though, since he tweets out everything that comes into his fool head anyway.
- Wait, isn’t he the same guy who said Hillary’s private email server was the greatest crime ever perpetrated upon this country? Why, yes he is. Lock him up.
- The Trump administration also commissioned commemorative coins to celebrate the Trump-Kim summit, which might not even happen now. I desperately want one to complete my “Crazy-Ass Crap That Didn’t Happen” collection, which currently includes a 2011 Rapture coin and a Y2K lapel pin.
- Wait, wasn’t Trump the guy who was going to win the Nobel Peace Prize for de-nuking North Korea? Why, yes he was.
- The best news of the week was the sinkhole opening up on the White House lawn, which is funny as hell. But I have a question: If the earth swallows him, will it spit him back?
- According to White House insiders, Trump doesn’t write all of his tweets. Staffers write some of them, complete with grammatical errors and random CAPITALIZATION to throw people off. I think I can tell when he writes them, though. There’s an extra spin of crazy in his tweets. You can’t imitate true crazy, which is why you know this column is always written by moi.
- And finally in Trump news, a New York judge has ruled that Trump can’t block people from reading his Twitter feed because it’s a “designated public forum.” I’m frankly a little hurt that I’ve never been blocked, despite all the mean, horrible things I’ve written about the man. What’s a guy got to do? I want this badge of honor, dammit.
- I would buy one of those foam mattresses just to watch it unfold itself when it comes out of the box.
- Any other Tiger fans tiring of Miggy’s pouting? Grow up, dude. Not everyone has to love you. And stop hiding on the disabled list. Your team – to literally everyone’s surprise – could actually win the division.
- The Michigan High School Athletic Association says the state is experiencing a referee shortage because of all the bad behavior on the part of spectators, parents and coaches. I don’t blame officials for staying away. We take sports way too seriously in this society. We’re also angrier than we’ve ever been. It’s a bad combination. Who needs it?
- The surest sign that spring has finally arrived isn’t the flowers, it’s the ice cream stands.
- Speaking of spring, I missed World Naked Gardening Day, which was May 6. I’d have participated but May 6 is pretty cold in Michigan. It’d be more like World Shrinkage Day here.
- Hasbro has filed paperwork to trademark the scent of Play-Doh, which describes it as a “sweet, slightly musky vanilla fragrance with slight overtones of cherry, combined with the smell of a salted wheat-based dough.” Really? I just thought it smelled like clay. Their description made me hungry, though.
- “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein.
Image credit: Donkey Hotey