Come Heller high water…
- Wait. You were expecting senators to locate their consciences in time to vote yes on gun control measures this week? C’mon. If 1st graders being slaughtered in their classroom didn’t move our fine, concerned public servants to do something – anything – about the nation’s guns laws (such as they are), what would make you think that the largest mass shooting in U.S. history would do it? I mean, come on, those people inside the Pulse nightclub were just adults. We have lots and lots of those. If I’m ISIS I’m laughing at the U.S. today. Who needs to hijack planes when weapons
of mass destruction can be purchased legally by anybody at any time for any reason? America is a mass murderer’s dream. - I loved it when Michigan legalized firecrackers, bottle rockets, Roman candles and the like. Now I wish we’d go back to allowing just snakes and sparklers. Not because of the safety issue. I figure it’s your right to blow off your pinkie if you want. I object because as usual you people can’t be trusted with nice things. You fire them off morning, noon and night all summer long. Most notably, when I’m trying to sleep, dammit. And is there a greater sin than waking me up? I don’t think so. Plus they make my dog piddle.
- Amway’s Rick DeVos wants the state flag redesigned because it’s ugly and “non-useful.” You know what would make it prettier and more useful? Adding a bottle of Amway’s top-selling Satinique Anti-Hairfall Shampoo to it, available for just $10 on Amway.com. Satinique: Unleash the Power of Hair.
- Personally, I think the deer and the moose could use a few personal hygiene products. Looking a little scruffy.
- No one asked me but here’s how I would rank the Great Lakes, top to bottom: Lake Michigan, Lake Superior, Lake Huron, Lake Erie, Lake Ontario. Nothing against the others, but Lake Michigan just has a better feel, y’know? Maybe it’s the sunsets.
- It’s definitely the sunsets.
- No one asked me about the best ice cream flavor on the planet either, but for the record it’s key lime. Don’t argue with me about this. You will lose. Because you are wrong. And I am right.
- I know you’ve been dying for my prescription to fix the so-so Detroit Tigers. OK. Fine. Here it is: Fire Ausmus, hire Ron Gardenhire, fire the bullpen except for K-Rod and Rondon, put Shane Greene back in the rotation, release Pelfrey, trade for Clayton Kershaw, pay someone to hamstring the Indians rotation and hire cheerleaders. Oh, and get rid of Jim Price on the radio. I can’t take one more broadcast where I’m reminded of the brilliance of catchers and how hitters have key holes, whatever the hell that means.
- OK, the last four might be unrealistic but I’d like to see them happen anyway. Why doesn’t baseball have cheerleaders, by the way?
- Speaking of cheerleaders, the Green Bay Packers fan in me suspects the Lions are finally adding cheerleaders this season because they’re expected to stink more than usual. The cheerleaders are basically deodorant. Mean but probably true.
- Note to Flint readers: Go see Shakespeare in the Park by the Kearsley Park Players this summer. I went for opening night (A Midsummer Night’s Dream) and loved it. Great summer night out. It’s the players’ last year in the Kearsley Park Pavilion, by the way, but the group will continue on next year elsewhere, possibly the Capitol Theater.
- AndrewHeller.com just passed 100,000 views after only a few months in existence, which is about 99,999 more than I ever expected. If you’re responsible for a few of those views, thank you. Now go tell your friends.
- “Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow.” – M.A. Radmacher.
JimS says
June 22, 2016 at 8:28 amThe Republican Party is owned by the NRA. How many millions of dollars do they give them.
Peggy D says
June 22, 2016 at 8:43 amWith respect to beautiful sunsets, guess you haven’t witnessed one in Caseville on Lake Huron. It will give Lake Michigan sunsets strong competition! I am sure there are many other places on the Great Lakes beautiful as well.
Mac says
June 22, 2016 at 8:58 amNow you have gone to far….. It’s Blue Moon!
Andrew Heller says
June 22, 2016 at 4:44 pmIt is if you want green poo. (I do love it tho.)
ElaineF says
June 22, 2016 at 9:44 amWe all know the NRA has Congress in their pocket. That’s why they keep allowing these massacres to happen. Shameful, isn’t it? I think the NRA needs to be kicked out of the country. It’ll never happen. Too many people think the second amendment means that anyone should be allowed to own an assault weapon. It makes me sad to see how stupid people actually are.
Nancy Galassini says
June 22, 2016 at 9:44 amMoose? What moose!?!
Bill VanDriessche says
June 22, 2016 at 9:51 amThe Tigers already have pseudo cheerleaders. They’re called the DTE Energy squad.
Jim W says
June 22, 2016 at 10:05 amAlthough you claim to be a Youper, being from Escanaba you never had the chance to watch the sunset over Lake Superior, especially from Whitefish Point.
Vicki says
June 22, 2016 at 10:11 amYou’re always right on and talk about things on my mind too! The gun issue is driving me nuts. Nothing seems to stop the NRA crazies. … And it’s getting closer to the 4th of July. Where can I go to get away from the firecracker war here? It’s insane here in Saginaw. Is there anywhere in the state where I can find some peace? Andrew… PLEASE do an article on this. Maybe we can repeal it for next year.
Ann b says
June 22, 2016 at 10:40 amThe “NRA Crazies” are law-abiding citizens and the millions of guns they own are law-abiding also!
It’s crazies who could be stopped in many other ways that cause the problems.
Stop blaming everything on NRA. Yes, I know it’s simple to say those 3 little capital letters. Somehow that makes you feel better that you can blame this on something simple. Doing something about mental health and terrorists is HARD!
Vicki says
June 22, 2016 at 2:14 pmAnn.. I’m not happy with the NRA because of the hold they have on the majority Republican congress and their refusal to even listen to anything that might stop weapons intended for the military. Many things have to be done. But the main thing is getting rid of these guns of mass destruction…..
Ann b says
June 22, 2016 at 2:58 pmYou are repeating a tired old phrase “the NRA hold on Republicans in Congress”.
Look up how our country works . . . . people elect congressmen. The NRA is comprised of regular people. So if those people hold a certain view, that is what should drive the congressmen’s votes.
Same way with Union people and Democrats. It’s that simple!
Dawn says
June 22, 2016 at 9:07 pmAnn B – clearly you missed Chris Cox’s interview with Jonathon Carl on Sunday. Pay special attention when he talks about their $14M war chest that they plan to use to defeat anyone who tries to support gun legislation. Maybe you’re smart enough to understand how money in politics works…then again…if you’re paying NRA dues maybe not.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?autoplay=1&v=DTBMmNRM7c8
mauricette G. says
June 22, 2016 at 10:12 amI love to read your columns. They make my day.
Ernie says
June 22, 2016 at 10:21 amHow about just get rid of Rod Allen , put Jim Price on TV, send Mario back to California, and keep Gibby as color guy? And boy, do we need Ernie Harwell!
Andrew Heller says
June 22, 2016 at 4:44 pmDone.
Marylou says
June 22, 2016 at 11:01 amI blame both sides – why in the world can’t they meet in the middle and outlaw the guns that are assault type guns that you can shoot so many times. I used to be for outlawing all guns – then I realized that wouldn’t work. See what happened when some other countries did that and people do need protection. That is why this country is such a mess – neither side in Congress will give an inch on anything. I am totally unhappy with both parties!
loren gillespie says
June 23, 2016 at 1:23 pmAbout as much as Wall Street gives to the Clintons.
Karen K says
June 22, 2016 at 11:05 amWho’s afraid of the NRA? Republicans!!!!
Get real! Assault weapons are not needed except on battlefield.
Is it that hard to admit? Gun owners aren’t going to have to surrender other less leathal weapons. Gun shop owners will still be in business. How many slaughters do we have to view, until the, Yes…NRA loses its grip on Washington.
Money appears to be more valuable than souls.
Jeff Hollander says
June 22, 2016 at 12:16 pmYou are so on target about everything (usually). Bravo!! I disagree with you about the flag that DeVos wants to change. He would only be happy if it said “State of DeVos and Michigan” Michigan in much smaller letters.