Come Heller high water …
- So what’s new this week on “As the Trump Turns …”? Let’s see, Michael Cohen has dropped his legal team, which some interpret to mean he’s ready to squeal on Der Trumpster. They’re probably right. Cohen said he’d take a bullet for Trump but he didn’t say anything about taking 20 years in prison.
- In a tweet, Trump described actor Robert DeNiro as a “low-IQ individual” who “has received to many shots to the head by real boxers in movies.” You notice, though, that he used the wrong form of to. (It should have been “too.”) So apparently Trump is either a low-IQ individual himself or he’s had too many shots to the head from women he grabbed by the …
- No, I’m not gonna fill in that blank. I’m to smart for that.
- See what I did their?
- And they’re?
- And there?
- I am two funny.
- Trump also tweeted this: “Before taking office people were assuming that we were going to War with North Korea. President Obama said that North Korea was our biggest and most dangerous problem. No longer – sleep well tonight!” Hasn’t this guy ever heard Kenny Rogers’ warning about never counting your money when you’re sitting at the table? The North Korean problem hasn’t been solved. They signed a piece of paper. That’s it. That’s all. I’ll give him credit when the nukes are gone, not before. (And, listen, I’m not among those who said he shouldn’t go. Nothing gets solved without talking. So I’ll give him credit for that.)
- About DeNiro and Samantha Bee, who demeaned herself by calling Ivanka Trump a bad, bad word (one I refuse to use in any context), New York Times columnist Frank Bruni wrote this: “Dear Robert De Niro, Samantha Bee and other Trump haters: I get that you’re angry. I’m angry, too. But anger isn’t a strategy. Sometimes it’s a trap. When you find yourself spewing four-letter words, you’ve fallen into it. You’ve chosen cheap theatrics over the long game, catharsis over cunning. You think you’re raising your fist when you’re really raising a white flag.” Couldn’t agree more. Make fun of the guy, sure. I do, obviously. Criticize him? Of course. He deserves it. But enough with the curse words. He’s a huge … um, donkey, we get it, OK?
- That said, in my lifetime I’ve never seen a governmental policy as appalling inhumane as the decision to separate asylum seekers from their children at the border. That’ll be a big part of Trump’s legacy. I hope it sticks to his name for centuries.
- Worst spring allergy season ever? I say yes.
- As a publicity stunt, Domino’s is filling in potholes across the country to keep delivery pizzas from being damaged. That’s funny, but terribly sad at the same time. We’ve essentially become a libertarian nation where no tax is a good tax and fairies are supposed to provide public services.
- Miguel Cabrera is out for the year. I can’t say I’m upset. He used to be one of my favorite players. But the past few years, his incessant whining has turned him into just another overpaid jock. I’d rather watch the kids play. At least they have some passion. Miggy seems to have lost his.
- “Hey, auto-correct, stop messing with my curse words, you mother forklift.” – Internet meme.
Image credit: Donkey Hotey