Come Heller high water …
- We’re at the stage of the Trump puzzle that a picture is starting to emerge. To me it looks like this: Mueller has something fairly juicy on Cohen. He turns Cohen, who spills what he knows about Trump, the Russians, Hillary’s emails, Comey, Stormy Daniels, the other 547 women, the pee-pee tape, and Trump’s finances. If that’s the arc of things, the Donald isn’t going to just get fired, he’s going on trial. If so, I shall dance.
- Did you notice this? About the returned hostages, Trump said, “We want to thank Kim Jong-un, who really was excellent to these three incredible people.” Excellent? They were hostages. In prison. Making little rocks out of big rocks. If that’s being “excellent,” I’d hate to see what being treated just so-so in North Korea is like.
- Wait, Be Best? What the heck does that mean? Aren’t we missing a “the” there somewhere, Melania? (I’m truly not picking on her – she has enough problems. I’m seriously just wondering why no one mentioned the awkwardness of this to her. Or that her husband and his party are doing everything to take funding away from programs that she advocates.)
- This is probably about the most obvious thing I’ve ever written, but, holy cow, are the theme parks in Orlando expensive. I hadn’t been to one in 25 years. Back then, it cost an arm and a leg. This time it cost an arm, a leg and all of the arms and legs of the next 10 generations of Hellers to come. Sorry about that, future Hellers, but I’m sure they’ll have fantastic bionic replacements by the time you arrive.
- Which one did we go to? Well, I don’t want to be unfair but it’s one that sort of rhymes with “reversal” and has Harry Potter attractions. The lovely yet formidable Marcia and her sidekick daughter Annie are big Potterheads, so off we went. I must say the sets of Diagon Alley, Hogwarts castle and Hogsmeade are incredible. But they’re also mostly just stores that sell so-so food and souvenirs. The 3-D rides were also fun but were only four minutes long. The cheapo in me kept thinking, “Think of all the money I could have saved by plunking Annie and Marcia on the couch, sticking on a blu-ray of “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban” and shaking the couch.”
- I just read that robo-calls are at an all-time high. But I knew that already. I used to get none on my cell phone. Now I get three or four a week now, which is why I’ve taken to not answering calls from unfamiliar area codes. I figure if someone doesn’t leave a message, they didn’t need to call in the first place.
- What I always wonder is if you accidentally answer a robo-call does your number automatically get put on a list of suckers, meaning you’ll get more of them? Also, are you saved if you answer but hang up before the recording starts because there’s that one second of silence?
- A new bill has passed in North Carolina that would allow drivers to drive through protesters who are blocking the road without being sued, as long as they “exercise due care.” There’s probably a companion bill coming allowing drivers who run over protesters to sue if their bumper gets dented. Good god, what a world.
- Now that the Pistons have fired Stan Van Gundy, I hope they hire a coach and a GM instead of keeping the duties combined. Sometimes you need two viewpoints. Maybe if they’d had that they wouldn’t have drafted the utterly average Stanley Johnson and the eminently forgettable Luke Kennard over Devin Booker and Donovan Mitchell. Can you imagine the team they’d be if they had those two? Stan Van just never adjusted to the new NBA, which is all about dunks and 3-pointers with nothing in between.
- I gotta say it: the Detroit Tigers aren’t nearly as awful as I thought they’d be. Their starting pitching is OK and their offense can be fun and productive at times, but their bullpen, whew, my 10-year-old sneakers smell better.
- I think my wife is trying to kill me. She just brought home romaine lettuce from the grocery. Says she’s gonna make me a big salad because it’s “nutritious.” Help me.
- Speaking of which, investigators are saying the romaine that has sickened 150 people and killed one was probably grown in the Yuma region of Arizona, so people shouldn’t buy it if it was grown there. OK, but my question is why are grocery chains still buying it?
- “Friendship … is born at the moment when one man says to another “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .” ― C.S. Lewis
Image credit: Donkey Hotey