Come Heller high water … the GOP convention edition
- Well, the GOP convention has lived up to billing so far. Floor fights. Plagiarism. Scott Baio. And that entrance! Did you see Trump’s entrance with the fog and the backlighting and the podium that rose out of the floor? That was awesome, I don’t care who you are. It reminded me of LeBron James’s “I’m taking my talents to South Beach” announcement. Only slighter more egotistical. And with much worse hair.
- Wait, Scott Baio? Scott Baio – from “Happy Days” (1974) and “Charles in Charge” (1984) – and the guy from “Duck Dynasty” are the best celebs they could find? Who’s next, the major from ‘I Dream of Jeannie” and one of the fish from “Wicked Tuna”?
- OK, plagiarizing your speech is bad. But the writer who plagiarized it plagiarized if from Michelle Obama – the wife of the anti-Christ. That’s like God cribbing lines from Beelzebub.
- I feel bad for Melania, actually. She just read what they gave her. But the memes have been hilarious nonetheless. My fave: “I would like to give a shout-out to my daughters Sasha and Malia.” Ouch.
- Forget all of Trump’s racist, bully, hey world I’m gonna straighten you out stuff. You wanna know the very best, most compelling reason not to vote for him in November? If he wins, we’ll never hear the end of the term “double down,” as in “Controversy erupted when Donald Trump doubled down on this contention that left handers should have their left arms tied behind their backs until such time as they ‘learn to do things right.’” Argh! Isn’t that enough of a reason?
- Looking at the crowd at the GOP convention is like looking at a painting of a blizzard on a white background framed in a white frame hanging on a white wall.
- Which oddly enough makes me wonder if Trump’s “black guy” is there?
- I also wonder if any convention-goers can get served in Middle Eastern or Mexican restaurants in Cleveland this week? Yeah, probably not.
- If I were Kasich, Jeb, Christie or Rubio, I’d walk around the convention floor with a sign saying, “I look pretty good right about now, don’t I?”
- I’m sure you’ve seen the photo of the teeny-weeny border wall ringed with barbed wire that someone built around Trump’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. They actually did a pretty nice job but I’d have been more impressed if they’d included a whole bunch of tunnels dug beneath it and maybe some watch towers with machine gun nests.
- It was truly heartwarming – in this era of shallow, mean-spirited politics – to hear the entire crowd chanting as one “Lock her up!” about Hillary Clinton, wasn’t it? I got a tear in my eye. Really. I expected much, much worse. Like “Give her the chair!”
- The theme of the convention is “Make America Safe Again.” Oddly enough that’s very similar to next week’s Democratic convention theme, “Make America Safe – Don’t Let Trump Near the White House.”
- Worst thing about the convention: I have now watched MSNBC. I feel unclean. And yet oddly entertained in a libby liberal sort of way.
- Note to Brian Williams: STOP USING THE TERM STEM-WINDER, Dammit! It’s annoying. This isn’t the 1840s.
- Yes, I’ll be making fun of the Dems, too, next week. Without politicians, who would we laugh at? But let’s face it – Dems are far less funny. But I’ll try.
- “Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.” – George Orwell.