Come Heller high water …
- I-75 through Oakland County is going to get a billion-dollar makeover but it’s going to take 14 years to complete. So just hang in there until, um, 2030, commuters, and all your headaches will be over.
Yes, you can go ahead and pull your hair out now.- Fourteen years! By the time they get to the end of that project they’re going to have to go back to the beginning and start all over again like they do with painting the Mackinac Bridge.
- That’s the difference between Michigan and Ohio. The second you get into Ohio on I-75 there’s a 40-mile construction zone, which is incredible. I’ve never seen one that long. I’m sure it’s a headache but doing it all at once at least means short term pain for long term gain. That’s not the Michigan way, I guess. We build roads that are too small in the first place. Then we don’t repair them. Then we underfund upgrades so they take forever. Guess I prefer the Ohio approach.
- Meme of the week: ‘All this technology but we still don’t have car horns that blurt out curse words.’ I agree with the sentiment but disagree with the delivery system. We don’t need cursing horns. We need programmable digital message boards on the front and back of my car (you wouldn’t be allowed to have them — just me) so I can helpfully encourage drivers to improve their lousy behavior, as in “What part of ‘don’t drive slow in the passing lane’ don’t you understand?”
- Me, I love the Michigan Renaissance Festival near Holly, but not for the jousts, wenches, turkey legs or even wenches-who-joust-wielding-turkey-legs. I just like the people. I’ve always been a people watcher, and there’s no better spot to watch people in all their weird glory than the Renaissance Festival.Why is that the only kind of dress-up festival, though? Where’s the Cro-Magnon Fest? And by the way, they should let people have real sword fights. Or at least let people use broadswords on watermelons.
- Oh, c’mon, like you’ve never wanted to stab a watermelon. Some of them deserve it, frankly.
- I like where we live just fine. But Leelanau County is, I’m sorry, the loveliest county in the state in my book. So lovely, in fact, that people keep stealing M-22 road signs. (Maybe they’re unaware that there’s a company that sells M-22 stuff … or they just like taking stuff.) In any case, the state is sick of it, so they’re removing the M to make them less appealing. Me, I’d have tried better bolts.
- Back to school stuff peddlers tell us summer ends in July. School tells us summer ends right after Labor Day. Astronomers tell us it ends Sept. 21 in the northern hemisphere. I think I side with them.
- This year I’m going to try and not mourn the end of summer and dread the winter, as I usually do. As Steinbeck (my favorite author) wrote: “What good is the warmth of summer without the coldness of winter to give it sweetness?” Please remind me that I said that in December when, if tradition holds, I first start to kvetch. I will hate you for it but remind me anyway.
- Trump is ‘softening’ his stance on immigration. He hasn’t been real specific, but I think that means he won’t put as many machine gun towers on the wall. Baby steps.
- ‘The most important thing is to enjoy your life — to be happy — it’s all that matters.’ — Audrey Hepburn.
Image credit – Lynn Kelley Author
Kathy Fiebig says
August 28, 2016 at 8:55 amI have yet to read one of your columns without finding at least one line that just kills me. Today, it’s “Me, I’d have tried better bolts.” Spit coffee all over the keyboard, and that’s okay. I like starting the day with a good laugh.
Thank you, sir.
Andrew Heller says
August 28, 2016 at 11:05 amThanks, Kathy. I needed a kind word today.
Bill says
August 28, 2016 at 11:19 amAndy – would you believe MDOT tried locking washers and nuts on those signs – but they still were stolen?
As far as your car electronic sign, I just bought a windshield banner sticker that says MOVE OVER —-> when the car ahead of me looks in the rear view mirror. IT WORKS!!! New job of mine requires me to be on the road more and I’m tired of idiots doing 70 in the passing lane
Andrew Heller says
August 28, 2016 at 11:22 amThat works? Weird. I want a plasma cannon that starts to glow blue when it’s charged and ready to fire so people know I mean bidness.
Oldugly says
August 28, 2016 at 10:03 pmThey did try better bolts. The (vulgarity) no good thieving (descriptive vulgarity) then ripped out the entire sign post. Can’t we have at least one capital offense?
Ann b says
August 28, 2016 at 11:36 amRe your comment on the seasons: I’ve been reminding myself all through this terrible heat/humidity period that I was the one who longed for this last winter. Ditto this coming year, too. That’s why I like living in Michigan, because we DO have these changes. Like they say, it gives us something to talk about. California people are so boring! Just kidding!
Sue says
August 28, 2016 at 4:57 pmThink you’re channeling Gallagher today…watermelon smashing and road stories. Always remember his bit about drivers having suction tipped darts with flag that says “stupid” If you see a driver doing something stupid you fire away. When they collect three darts police can pull them over and ticket them for “stupid”
For you kids, Gallagher is a comedian, still around, he was kinda big back in the ’80s.
Andrew Heller says
August 29, 2016 at 1:47 pmI love Gallagher.
Tom says
August 28, 2016 at 7:20 pmA way to do highway maintenance: Let’s use a freeway with two lanes in each direction as an example, e.g. most of I-96 across the state. They could build a third lane in each direction, keeping the two existing lanes open. Then, when they finish the new third lane, they could open it, and shut down one other lane for repaving and maintenance. This way, they always would have two lanes open in each direction, even while repaving. Makes sense? Can be extended to most of our freeways? Yes.
Loren M says
August 28, 2016 at 11:02 pmThe third week of September often feels like summer so the astronomers got it right. I’ll be certain to remind you about the Steinbeck quote since Dec. 15 should be my last day of work before I retire Jan 1 so I expect winter to feel ever so sweet this year.
John Bach says
August 29, 2016 at 3:52 pmI would like to express my opinion about drivers. Cars were invented to take us from one place to another. When you are behind the wheel it is your job to drive the car. It is your responsibility to do nothing else but to drive. Your life and the lives of others are in your hands. Drive the car!! Do not use your phone, do not eat,drink,smoke,or look at the others in the car. Just drive. I thought that self driving cars were for safety. How naive!!! They are so people can use their phones to call, text, play games, conduct business, while in the car!!! We don’t need self driving cars. We need drivers to drive and do nothing else.
Karen Swan says
August 30, 2016 at 11:17 amThe County Road Commission where I was Finance Director-Clerk for over 26 years went to locking nuts/bolts quite a few years ago, but signs were still stolen. If people realized how expensive roads signs are, plus the labor and equipment costs to keep replacing them, maybe they’d quit stealing them…and it’s not just kids doing this. What’s really despicable is when people steal STOP signs, which can be the cause of deadly accidents. Every time a sign has to be replaced due to theft, it’s wasted money out of taxpayers’ pockets that could be better spent on actual road repairs like patching potholes.