Come Heller high water …
- Trump and Clinton won the New York primary yesterday in what will be known in the state’s political lore as “Hold Your Nose and Get it Over With Tuesday.” It’s expected to be repeated nationwide in November. Have you ever seen an election where there was less passion for the leading candidates? I swear if “None of the Above” were on the ballot in November, it’d win in a landslide.
- Meanwhile, Sen. Ted Cruz managed a piddly 14 percent of the vote. Guess New York values don’t include voting for candidates who are stupid enough to criticize the values of the largest city in America.
- I love presidential campaigns. At a rally in Buffalo before the primary, Trump was trying to praise 9/11 first responders but instead called them 7-Eleven responders. I remember 9/11 but am fuzzy on details of the 7-Eleven crisis – is that the one where the burrito exploded in the microwave? My office has had a few of those. It’s no small thing.
- Yeah, yeah, I know, the guy just misspoke but it’s still funny. If nothing else, candidates deserve respect for all the energy they have. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to be constantly on the go, constantly talking to media, constantly projecting an image, always watching your words etc.
- Former state Rep. Todd Courser – the guy who resigned under pressure to avoid an expulsion vote over his cover-up of his affair with former state Rep. Cindy Gamrat – says he decided to run for Lapeer County prosecutor after “much prayer.” So God told you to run, Todd? Really? What’s God got against Lapeer County? It’s kind of hard to picture God saying, “You know what Todd, what Lapeer needs is more you.” Wasn’t finishing sixth in the primary for your old seat enough of a signal?
- The CEO of McDonald’s just got a 368 percent salary increase for deciding to sell breakfast all day like trillions of customers had been saying for decades they should do. I can’t wait to see how much he gets after figuring out they should double-check drive thru orders.
- OK, so a little sarcasm leaked out there. I’ll clean it up: “Clean-up on paragraph four, please!”
- The co-founders of Ben & Jerry’s” were arrested at a protest in Washington D.C. this week. The experience is expected to inspire their new flavor “Sassy Tear-Gassy Double Fudge.”
- Is it me or have the famous been dying in droves lately? Yesterday it was Doris Roberts, who played the mother-in-law from hell on “Everybody Loves Raymond.” Loved her. Loved that show.
- A British research ship won’t be named Boaty McBoatface after all, despite that name overwhelmingly winning an online naming poll. Britain’s Science Minister NoFun McBoringface said the name wasn’t serious enough. Bloody killjoy.
- A new study says a glass of red wine is equivalent to an hour in the gym. So clearly I’m due for a good workout. Three glasses oughta do it. You’re welcome to join me.
- Why do I get the feeling that study was sponsored by the makers of Yellow Tail?
- “Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.” – Aristotle.
- I agree with Aristotle but clearly the guy was no column writer.
Come Heller high water appears each Wednesday at noon, and there’s nothing you can do about it.