Andrew Heller

Best. Columnist. Ever.

  • About
  • More Posts …
    • More Posts …
    • Come Heller high water
    • The Heller Poll
    • Steve Jessmore photos
    • Auchtoons
  • Books
 

Guest Column: Relinquishing the safety of silence on race

June 13, 2020 by Andrew Heller 13 Comments

By Bob Campbell A typical evening, Max began hounding me for his daily walk around the block. The golden hour for him seems to fall around seven o’clock. That’s when he’s most persistent, following me from room to room or sitting at my feet primed while staring at me with … [Read more...]

Filed Under: All Columns, Guest columnists Tagged With: andrewheller.com, black lives matter, bob campbell, racism

Sorry, your right to free speech doesn’t apply to my platform

May 27, 2020 by Andrew Heller 37 Comments

President Trump, who clearly never read Pinocchio as a child, is furious at Twitter for labeling several of his tweets as false. OK, yes, technically they didn’t say, “The president’s tweets were big, fat, phony lies.” What they did do, however, is put a label under two recent … [Read more...]

Filed Under: All Columns, National politics Tagged With: Andrew Heller

Coronavirus isn’t the only pandemic plaguing America – not by a long shot

May 13, 2020 by Andrew Heller 37 Comments

COVID-19 has the floor right now. But it is not the only virus galloping across America. Guns are a virus. Hatred is a virus. Intolerance is a virus. Racism is a virus. Sexism and sexual assault is a virus. Disinformation is a virus. White nationalism is a … [Read more...]

Filed Under: All Columns, Guns, Michigan politics and government, National politics Tagged With: Andrew Heller, andrewheller.com, pandemic

Come Heller high water … the ‘brought to you by Zarbimmaflax’ edition

April 30, 2020 by Andrew Heller 33 Comments

Come Heller high water … I have seen the near future, and as usual, it is dumb. It’s been minutes, possibly hours, since we had a good, juicy, completely bonkers alt-right conspiracy theory. But a Washington Times columnist has come up with a new one that is destined to … [Read more...]

Filed Under: All Columns, Come Heller high water Tagged With: Andrew Heller, andrewheller.com

Making it a priority to prioritize our priorities

April 19, 2020 by Andrew Heller 29 Comments

Coronavirus has done far more than kill a lot of people. It has exposed a lot about us as people and as a society. There’s the good, of course. Americans are great in a crisis. Always have been. We’ve seen oceans of kindness and sweat poured into preventing and beating back … [Read more...]

Filed Under: All Columns Tagged With: Andrew Heller, andrewheller.com

Notes from a Self-Quarantine: Who ate all the yogurt?

April 5, 2020 by Andrew Heller 23 Comments

Notes from a Self-Quarantine … There’s a scene from the 1989 Batman movie with Michael Keaton where the Joker has poisoned the nation’s makeup and personal product supply and TV news anchors suddenly look all pale, disheveled and baggy-eyed, in other words ordinary. That’s … [Read more...]

Filed Under: All Columns, Humor Tagged With: Andrew Heller

The ego that ate Trump’s chances in Michigan

March 29, 2020 by Andrew Heller 25 Comments

In the musical “Little Shop of Horrors,” Audrey II, the man-eating plant, sings “You can do it! Feed me, Seymour, feed me all night long, ha ha ha ha ha! Cause if you feed me, Seymour, I can grow up big and strong.” Seymour obeys, and sure enough, the plant grows so big and … [Read more...]

Filed Under: All Columns, Humor, Michigan politics and government, National politics Tagged With: Andrew Heller, andrewheller.com

Auchtoons: Suddenly, bailouts and ‘socialism’ are OK with the GOP

March 27, 2020 by Andrew Heller 4 Comments

By John Auchter Admittedly, comparing the financial crisis that precipitated the Great Recession to the one we're currently experiencing is kinda apples-to-oranges. Different economics, different timelines, different triggers. Still, am I the only one feeling disorientated by … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Auchtoons Tagged With: andrewheller.com, Auchtoons, John Auchter

Perspective, it’s a beautiful thing

March 22, 2020 by Andrew Heller 24 Comments

When people think the sky is falling, there’s an obvious risk in saying “Yes, it is … but it’s also not.” I’m going to take that risk. Yes, the coronavirus is awful. It’s killed roughly 12,000 worldwide so far. But it could have killed more. Believe it or not, the world … [Read more...]

Filed Under: All Columns Tagged With: Andrew Heller, andrewheller.com, coronavirus

Come Heller high water … the zombie toilet paper apocalypse edition

March 16, 2020 by Andrew Heller 19 Comments

Come Heller high water … Remember in 2016 when you said “Don’t worry, he’ll grow into the job” and “Hey, he led a business, he can lead the United States”? And then, later, when you said, “The economy is doing great and the stock market is all him!” and “Yeehaw, look at my … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Come Heller high water, Humor

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • …
  • 65
  • Next Page »
Buy My Books!

Show_Cars_Illustrated_300x250-2018

 

Archives

  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • October 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016

Categories

  • All Columns
  • Auchtoons
  • Brenda Brissette Mata columns
  • Come Heller high water
  • Flint Columns
  • Guest columnists
  • Guns
  • Humor
  • John Matonich
  • Michigan politics and government
  • National politics
  • Steve Jessmore photos
  • Steve Murch
  • The Heller Poll
  • What do you think?

About The Author

Andrew Heller has been an enduringly popular newspaper columnist in Michigan for a long, long, long time. He wrote his first column for the Escanaba Daily Press way back in 1979. It was about his … Continue Reading

SOCIAL

  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Twitter

BOOK: Come-Heller-High-Water-by-Andrew-Heller ISBN-13:9780964983212

Come Heller High Water I is the collection readers asked for, and includes columns that they wanted reprints of.

In true Heller style, topics cover everything from the craziness of having kids to tales from his U.P. days.

Buy My Books!

BOOK: Come-Heller-High-Water 2-by-Andrew-Heller ISBN-13:9780964983212

Come Heller High Water II is the smash hit follow-up to Come Heller High Water I. It includes everything from Andy's takes on modern life to conversations with his back home pal Moon Dimple, and much, much more.
 

Buy My Books!

BOOK: Saving the World One Column at a Time Paperback  ISBN-10: 0971495114 ISBN-13: 978-0971495111

Saving the World One Column at a Time is a bitingly funny look at the world through the eyes of this award-winning columnist. In it he takes on corporate crooks, Little League parents, tongue piercers, ketchup sinners and much, much more. A must-have for Heller fans.

Buy My Books!

Copyright © 2025 · Andrew Heller · Best. Columnist. Ever.

Mobile Responsive Website by Media Cafe Online, LLC · Log in