Come Heller high water …
- Today is Equal Pay Day, which marks the amount of time women had to work last year and this year to make as much as guys did last year. So if the working women you know are a bit cranky today, you’ll know why. Guys, I recommend saying to your female co-worker, “Hey, good news, we’re even again today!” Hide the scissors first.
By the way, the Equal Pay Act was signed into law in by President Kennedy 1963, and yet when’s the last time you heard about a company getting in trouble for paying guys more? Never. It’s amazing women don’t smother us in our sleep.- Anyone dogging Jordan Spieth for his quadruple bogey Sunday (for you non-golfers that means he shot a 7 on a par 3) that ended up costing him his second Master’s championship isn’t a golfer, or not a very astute one, anyway. Every golfer has Tin Cupped a par 3 with water. That’s why it’s called Tin Cupping. Besides, the guy’s 22. Give him a break.
- BTW, what did the golfing world call hitting ball after ball into a greenside pond before the movie “Tin Cup” anyway?
- Yes, I attended the Detroit Tigers’ home opener. I think I now qualify for some kind of combat hazard pay or something. It’s gonna be tough walking correctly without three of my toes.
- Ernie Harwell’s Tigers’ broadcaster partner Paul Carey died this week. The world just got a lot less basso profundo. That man’s voice was like the start of an earthquake.
- Grumbles of wisdom from the Lovely Yet Formidable Marcia, who is dieting, while watching an iHop commercial featuring sugary treat after sugary treat: “They shouldn’t call it iHop, they should call it International House of Diabetes.”
- At a CNN town hall Tuesday, Donald Trump’s wife Melania defended his treatment of women, saying he treats everyone the same. If thought balloons existed, the entire room would have instantly filled with people all thinking “Yeah, like crap.”
- A former White House gardener is selling the last car Hillary Clinton ever owned. Like her, it’s not entirely trustworthy and can sometimes be a bit cranky.
- Hey, it was just a joke. Put down those scissors.
- Bono, the singer, told a Senate subcommittee this week that if he were in charge he’d send comics like Amy Schumer and Chris Rock to mock ISIS into oblivion. I disagree. I like those two. Send Andrew Dice Clay. ISIS will surrender, saying “These things he says, they are so stupid and offensive. We surrender. Just make it stop.”
- By the way, as someone who enjoys making fun of the world, I actually agree with Bono. Making fun of a-holes helps rob them of their power. So go for it, comics of the world. Just don’t forget to duck.
- A 104-year-old Brit just become the oldest person in the world to get a tattoo. I haven’t seen it but I’m assuming it’s a list of his meds.
- Ever since “Lost,” I have limited patience with TV series that never go anywhere or just become stupid. “The Walking Dead” finale crossed the “Lost” line with me, so I’m out. I’ll never find out what happens to the lead guy or the greasy guy my wife somehow thinks is hot, but then I no longer care anyway, so …
- Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” – Confucius.
Come Heller high water is published every Wednesday at noon. Set your clocks.
So happy that l’ve rediscovered the Pulchritudinous Yet Redoubtable Andrew Heller, who teaches and (bonus) makes me laugh often. Stay strong & don’t change, no matter what nasty comments are made in the “Hot Lines.” I read them and feel the need to apologize for all the narrow minded bigots who write to you.
Ha, I have 27 years of experience in dealing with angry readers, so no worries there. The only one who scares me is the reader I’m married to.
Great column. I call it “Sploosh” when I hit a ball into the water.
I am going to stick with “The Walking Dead” but I totally get where you are coming from with the “Lost” comment. I think with this show though they can come up with an ending (hopefully) that would be suitable. I think with lost, they came up with the idea, but it was half baked. When it took off they just kept it rolling without a serious plan for its shelf life. Too many shows don’t follow a beginning, middle and end format. It is more of a, “here’s an idea” and then they fake it from there.
Well, I went to Saturday’s Tiger’s game! I think I qualify for a Purple Heart or something! My toes & fingers are still thawing out!
You’re a brave and tough lady Tina!!
Thanks! We almost backed out at the last minute but the hubby thought it would be a good, cold memory to remember! We were bundled up pretty good so it was fine!
Awesome.
Come on Andy – I was at last Friday’s opener too and it wasn’t that cold. I didn’t even put on the fleece or sweatshirt I brought over my short and long sleeve T-shirts I was wearing under my winter coat. Being in the direct sun felt good!
Now, if you were at Saturday’s game which broke the record for lowest temperature at the start of the Tigers game, then you should be complaining…
I agree with your comment about Lost. In the last few years the ten episode arc has become popular and I love it. For example, Fargo, Fortitude, and American Horror Story. It feels like you can trust in the story writing to have an end game in mind, instead of writers hanging on in hopes of a series renewal. And…don’t get me started on equal pay! You will have to hide all of the scissors.
What Marilyn D. said!!
I like the idea of comics mocking… But what if newscasters everywhere just began referring to them as cowards instead of as terrorists?
Then they’re not newscasters anymore, they’re pundits.
Does it take a pundit to state the obvious?
From George Bernard Shaw’s “Man and Superman”:
https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/8851-your-weak-side-my-diabolic-friend-is-that-you-have