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Come Heller high water … the Sept. 13th edition

September 13, 2017 by Andrew Heller 18 Comments

Come Heller high water …

  • What a gorgeous week in Michigan. Good weather is so rare here I’ve always thought we need a law giving everyone the day off on any sunny day over 65 degrees. You wanna sign my petition?
  • A new study says coach seats in airliners are so cramped you could die. Like they needed a study for that. That’s like saying peanut butter is sticky.
  • Every fall, I get excited for the start of the new TV season, even though I don’t watch much TV anymore. Then I remember, “Oh yeah, they don’t really do that anymore.” But why don’t they do that anymore? Is making TV shows really that much harder than it used to be?
  • What I do watch is news. Too much news. I’m a news junkie, even though TV is the single worst way to get your news. I’m scaling back, though. Fox News is ridiculous. CNN is one-tenth reporting, nine-tenths people arguing. And the evening network news is mostly commercials, many of which are for prescription drugs, which I refuse to watch because the pharma giants are killing American health care.
  • I also miss the J.C. Penney’s and Sears catalogues at Christmas – another seasonal thing gone forever.
  • Shouldn’t the title of Hillary’s new book have had a question mark on the end of it? Instead of “What Happened,” as if she knows, it should be “What Happened?” right? Even better: “What the Eff Happened?” It was that kind of election.
  • A new poll says more than half of American voters say Hillary shouldn’t run again. Oddly enough, those are all the Democrats. Republicans are saying “Heck, yeah, run again!”
  • Ted Cruz was embarrassed this week when his Twitter account “liked” a porno site. In other news, the porn site said it was embarrassed to be liked by Cruz.
  • Sports fans are saying Little Caesar Arena is a lousy name for the new home of the Pistons and Red Wings. I don’t think it’s so bad. At least it’s named after pizza.
  • What bothers me about it is the $324 million taxpayers put into it, through no fault of our own. Thanks, lawmakers. You’d think soda prices would at least be low, but noooo.
  • At its unveiling, the new $1,000 iPhone X’s face recognition log-in software failed to recognize the Apple VP demonstrating it. If his iPhone is anything like mine, he then asked Siri what was wrong and she said, “Sorry, I didn’t get that” or it took him to a wiki page about a thousand dollar bill.
  • The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers wants to use noise cannons, water jets, and electrified water to keep Asian carp from getting into the Great Lakes. And you thought my column saying we should declare them a delicacy so people fish them to death was ridiculous.
  • The only micro-distillery whiskey I’ve ever loved is produced by Traverse City Whiskey Co. They make five varieties – all delicious. Too delicious. The American Cherry Edition is my favorite. Goes great with a cigar. Which I did not just write because I’m not supposed to smoke cigars or drink whiskey, so forget I said anything.
  • “The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward.” – Amelia Earhart.

Image credit: Taylor and Kevin

Filed Under: All Columns, Come Heller high water Tagged With: Andrew Heller, Come Heller high water

Comments

  1. Bill says

    September 13, 2017 at 8:06 pm

    Hope you tried the cherry whiskey sours at TC Whiskey Company – AWESOME! Tried them last spring with a bunch of colleagues and am hooked!

    Reply
    • Andrew Heller says

      September 13, 2017 at 9:27 pm

      I have. They’re wonderful.

      Reply
  2. NativeOfMichigan says

    September 13, 2017 at 8:13 pm

    Much better are the cherry pies at the Cherry Hut in Beulah.

    Reply
    • Andrew Heller says

      September 13, 2017 at 9:27 pm

      I’ll have to go try that!

      Reply
  3. Tom says

    September 13, 2017 at 8:22 pm

    Michigan weather is glorious now! June through October! Enjoy it. November through May is on its way.

    Reply
    • Andrew Heller says

      September 13, 2017 at 9:28 pm

      You nailed the months.

      Reply
  4. Kathy Fiebig says

    September 13, 2017 at 8:34 pm

    “Which I did not just write because I’m not supposed to smoke cigars or drink whiskey, so forget I said anything.” Laughing so hard my sides hurt. Whoa……..

    I live for lines like that.

    Reply
  5. Fred says

    September 13, 2017 at 9:05 pm

    The fresh air smells so good on this cool evening.
    Summer is too short. In a couple months it will be back to shoving snow.
    I will miss my evening walks until next April.

    Reply
  6. Linda Ann S. says

    September 13, 2017 at 9:36 pm

    After seeing the destruction heaped on our states by the hurricanes, I have to say that a blizzard out of the northeast, with 12-18 inches of snow, and winds that beat our faces with small icy-snow pellets and the 10-11 foot high drifts right outside our back doors ARE NOTHING compared to the hurricanes and tornados.
    The only good thing about blizzards are 5 snow days for kids and their teachers!
    Bring on the petition for blissful days and blizzard days!

    Reply
    • Tom says

      September 14, 2017 at 7:52 pm

      Right on. Good thoughts.

      Reply
  7. Teddy Luba says

    September 13, 2017 at 10:00 pm

    I bet if they would put a one dollar bounty on Asian carp kids would be fishing them and keep them under control. Even a higher bounty would be cheaper than the things there doing now. Good read Andy, Thanks

    Reply
  8. Tom says

    September 14, 2017 at 7:55 pm

    Great idea, Teddy! Have you proposed this to the state o’ Mich?

    Reply
  9. Working Dad says

    September 15, 2017 at 10:49 am

    Hillary’s book contains both the question and answer, right on the cover.

    What Happened (the question)

    Hillary Clinton (the answer)

    Reply
  10. DogMomster says

    September 15, 2017 at 7:19 pm

    Dang. Did you have to mention Traverse City Whiskey’s Cherry whiskey?!?! That’s going to make it that much harder to find!!!

    Reply
  11. Jim III says

    September 15, 2017 at 10:58 pm

    3 comments from liberals about Hilliary Clinton’s “book”.
    Piers Morgan :” We all know what happened Hillary: You are a loser! Now get over it and give
    the rest of us a break.”
    Jimmy Fallon: “Hillary Clinton’s book “What Happened” came out…. And I heard it is almost 500 pages long. Unfortunately the only person that has time to read it is Hillary Clinton.”
    Right now I cannot find the source , it may of been one of Jimmy Fallon’s comments though.
    Reading Hillary Clinton’s book about why she lost is like reading a book on the passenger deck of the about why the Titantic sank, and you are at the bottom of the ocean.

    Yes the taxpayers of Michigan have been screwed royally by both the republicans and the democrats who voted to give a billionaires a bunch of money to build them a new sports arena.
    The money should of been spent of roads or some other projects that had better use of taxpayer money.

    Reply
  12. Tom says

    September 19, 2017 at 3:53 pm

    It has been a long time between Heller posts. I want to ask a political question. Here goes:

    What is Kid Rock’s political position? He seems to want to portray himself as a “Regular American Guy,” who likes Rock & Roll, cars, trucks, women, beer, guns, blue jeans, hamburgers, Trump, and maybe pot. Maybe Kid Rock wants to seem to be a person who never did well at Algebra, and who does not know much about geography.

    This image, I guess, is meant to contrast with the vague idea of the “Political Elite,” who presumably like caviar and jazz, and who speak French, people who might be able to do arithmetic, and might be able to find Iran, Crimea, and North Korea on a map.

    If Kid Rock actually runs for office, I hope to heck his ignorance will become obvious. His American Dopus pose will not get him elected, I hope. When he actually has to answer questions, I pray his answers will prove he is not fit to serve.

    His music is mediocre. He would be a disastrous senator.

    Reply
    • Fred says

      September 19, 2017 at 6:30 pm

      The more ignorant and outrageous he is the better his chances are of being elected. We have lowered our standards when we allowed Trump to set foot in the White House. Americans are now content with elected officials who speak and behave with the same level of maturity as a middle school kid who doesn’t know anything about anything.

      New theory coming up…..

      The people who voted Trump did so because they had been feeling so inferior and insecure with themselves that they thought if they put a dummy in the White House they claim to be smarter and more grownup than the President. It’s a good feeling ain’t it, Trumpers?

      Reply
    • Andrew Heller says

      September 19, 2017 at 7:52 pm

      He seems like a poser to me. My understanding is he was raised in a wealthy family. And yet here he is adopting the positions of the Republicans who stand diametrically opposite of the interest of the working schlub he pretends to be. Good old boy my ass. If he’s a Republican, he’s anti-union, anti-climate science, anti-women’s rights, anti-gay rights, anti-health care and pro the rich getting richer. I realize that sounds like Dem talking points but it happens to be true.

      And apologies for the inconsistent posts lately. Real life has been intervening a lot lately – I’m hoping to get back on schedule as the fall progresses, and in fact have some what I hope will be interesting additions as we move along.

      Reply

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Andrew Heller has been an enduringly popular newspaper columnist in Michigan for a long, long, long time. He wrote his first column for the Escanaba Daily Press way back in 1979. It was about his … Continue Reading

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