By John Matonich
I remember the first time I heard the term “Oxymoron.” It caught my attention and I wanted to learn more about what it meant. I think the big examples in those days were “postal service” and “military intelligence.” I was young then and didn’t realize how many oxymorons would impact my life over the years, but they certainly have and it is getting worse instead of better.
I read on the web that the first oxymoron is credited to Maurus Servius Honoratus who around 400 AD came up with the oxymoron “keenly stupid.” Little did he know how much that one would stand the test of time. If you think about some of the things you may have heard or witnessed by some of our fellow humans, you would have to admit they can’t be described as just stupid. I never knew how to properly describe them until now. I believe I understand them better now that I know they aren’t simply stupid, but keenly stupid.
The most frequent oxymoron I have to deal with today is “customer service” because I don’t believe it exists any longer. I have never in my life been more frustrated than when I have to deal with the 500 options for getting answers only to find out that none of them work. I have sent emails, tried to chat online, called some number from never-never land and have even walked over 40 feet of hot coals in hopes of getting some help. Unfortunately, the only thing I have found to work is to forget it and go have a cocktail. Let the subscription lapse, leave the broken down vehicle where it stopped, leave the mower in the garage and buy a goat. All of these are better options than trying to deal with customer service.
I truly believe many of the customer service reps are actually trained to mentally torture you in hopes that you will buy a new gizmo rather than try to get answers from them on how to fix your old one. I wish I had a nickel for every time I had to give account info along with home address, bank account balance and firstborn’s birthweight only to have to repeat all of the info when I get transferred to the next idiot…oops, I mean customer service rep.
It can be one of the most frustrating experiences anyone can encounter. With all of this marvelous technology, why can’t we simply pick up the phone and speak with someone reasonably knowledgeable or at least able to find someone who is able to get you the answers you are looking for. I laugh at the typical phrase you hear at the beginning of the torture you are about to experience when you make that call. The first voice at the other end of the line will say, “This call may be monitored for quality assurance.” I guess I just found my newest oxymoron. I am sure there is someone somewhere who is sharpening their keen stupidity while being a part of intense training for “quality assurance.”
And that’s the situation as I survey it …
After a 35-year career downstate livin’ amongst da trolls, during which he built a successful engineering and surveying business, John Matonich is back home in da U.P. His column will appear here occasionally, don’tcha know. His book “Surveyin’ Da Situation” is available on Amazon.com.
Oh John, I am so with you on this. I am a retired Customer Service rep. I know what I did for my clients, and how I long to find that kind of treatment today. At the last company I worked for one of the biggest problems was my own co-workers. When I would ask them to do a small task -out of the ordinary- to satisfy a customer’s peace of mind I would be told, “That’s not in my job description, I don’t have to do that.” When I do occasionally find good customer service I praise them to the rooftops!
Right on, my friend. I always look forward to your columns.
Thanks Barbara… I am sure given your history with customer service you must cringe with how it doesn’t happen today…
The endless search for cost savings has brought us to the telephone customer service menu.
I gave up pressing buttons for the myriad of choices when I call a company.
I now dial the number and when I am prompted to choose, I always choose the number zero, it gets me to a human right away without going round in circles.
I try that as well but many companies getting smarter and do not have that as an option any longer…
Today we have a tool that can be quite effective if traditional “customer service” options do not avail. It is amazing how many times we can find answers online from other, previously frustrated people who fixed an issue and put the info online. YouTube is awesome for this. I have fixed hot water heater and freezer issues from YouTube videos. I probably saved myself $500 in service charge costs on these two items alone.
In some ways I think “customer service” has devolved because of our nature to throw things out rather than fix them. I am trying to evolve into the 21st century mode of “customer service” by effectively using online information resources. This appeals to the self reliance aspects of my internal makeup.
I agree that you tube can be a savior… lots to learn there
Totally agree with you John. Customer service went out of style when today’s telephone options were invented. I always hated the “hold button” but now it is even more frustrating to call anyone or any company. Endless repetition of names, etc., multiple transfers, and foreign employees you can’t understand. Customer service is the biggest oxymoron of all.
Couldn’t agree more…
The best thing would be to dial the store, a real person answers the phone, listens to my concern, transfers me to a real person in customer service who answers their phone quickly and politely.
This representative either tells me how to resolve my problem, or transfers me to the store department that can help me. This department manager answers the phone quickly and helps me efficiently. Problem solved! There were a few transfers, but I spoke with real people who wanted to help me!
Bonus: Instead of a wild goose chase pressing phone options, two or more people have a job!
Bonus: Prompted me to take a look at how I respond to, and serve people who have questions or need help.
Good column John!
I like your solution. It would certainly be a huge step in the right direction…
For great customer service, I nominate Chewy – yes, the animal product company. We received the wrong order and rather than have us return it, they asked us to give it to a local shelter! During my discussion with the CSR, he implied that he loved his job! Imagine that.
Glad you found a good one…
Another one that gets me angry is when I’m am calling some specific person that I’ve been told to call and they want to put me through to that person’s voice mail. Then I get a message “I’m either away from my desk or with another customer, please leave your name and number and I’ll call you back.” (When I’m damn-well ready, is what they mean.) Then if they don’t call and I have to call again and be put into voice mail again another day, I will ask if that person IS in the office or on a 2-week vacation in Hawaii. It is not customer service when we have to wait until it’s convenient for them to talk to us. Then when they do finally call it’s often when I’m in the middle of something and have to go and get the info out and reboot my mind to the original problem.
I believe most customer service people learned their jobs back in the Soviet Union. And, I utterly agree with Barbara, way up at the top of these responses: Whenever you actually get good service, praise the person, and ask whether you can let the person’s boss know.
Don’t forget to keep things in the proper perspective – CS reps “service” customers like bulls service cows!
Too true…
Color me cynical, but the “quality assurance” in those recordings does not imply anywhere “satisfactory to the customer.” Sometimes, it feels like companies those lines as an excuse to fire the person for providing good customer service.
That certainly could be…