A New York Times report this week said internal Facebook documents indicate that Mark Zuckerberg’s Frankenstein monster, despite promises to keep our info private, in fact shared and traded it – including our private messages (let that sink in) – with other Silicon Valley giants like Amazon, Microsoft and Yahoo, along with media conglomerates and auto companies.
“You are the product,” a Times analysis said.
When I read that, I was so ticked off I wanted to quit Facebook for good.
But I haven’t – yet – because, dammit, Facebook is how I interact with readers … and also how I keep track of far-flung friends and family members.
Meaning: I want to quit it. But I can’t. You may be in the same situation.
So what are we to do? How do we fight back?
Well, I can’t speak for you, but if I’m going to be a product that Zuckerberg sells to the world so the world can sell me stuff, I’m at least going to be an interesting product.
For example, I’ve been noticing that the ads I get on Facebook, Amazon and Yahoo tend to be for products for, you know, SOME guys my age, which is why I get a steady stream (no pun intended) of ads online for Depends, catheters, Viagra, burial insurance and hearing aids.
I used to think this was just a coincidence but maybe it’s not. What’s likelier is that whatever I post or look at on Facebook is giving the advertising world the impression that I’m an 80-year-old man with world-class prostate and blood circulation problems who is close to kicking the bucket when, in fact, I’m not NEARLY that old. (For the record, I’m 57, near as I can remember, and have none of those problems. And if I did, I’d never tell you about them.)
Well, I can’t speak for you, but if I’m going to be a product that Zuckerberg sells to the world so the world can sell me stuff, I’m at least going to be an interesting product.
So what if I began seeding my Facebook with posts and messages depicting the Andy I’d rather be than the Andy I actually am? Would that change things?
I’m going to try and find out. Therefore, if you are a Facebook friend of mine, you may start to notice some changes.
For starters, I’m going to replace my photo with one of Brad Pitt or maybe Howie Long (who my dearly departed brother Dan once remarked – out of the blue, while we were watching a football game, is “one good-looking man.”)
That alone should get me off of Viagra’s stupid target list.
I’ll probably tweak the description of my profession a bit, too. In Facebook’s eyes, self-describing as a mildly sarcastic newspaper columnist is probably a one-way ticket to receiving fiber supplement ads.
But if I were an adventure travel blogger who also dabbles in authoring long, pretentious think pieces about fine Scotch and outrageously expensive cigars, well, that’s bound to change Madison Avenue’s picture of me, right? Maybe I’ll get free samples, too.
I might also post some profoundly altered photos of me shirtless with 6-pack abs. People who know me will laugh hysterically, knowing I don’t have a 1-pack much less six. But what Zuckerberg doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
Finally, I think I’ll delete all references to and photos of the lovely yet formidable Marcia. I mean, I love her and all, and she remains the same beautiful woman I married a long, long time ago.
But she’s my age, too, and, to be honest, I can’t have her dragging down my age rating, or whatever metric Facebook, Yahoo and the others clearly use to target me with such insulting age-appropriate ads.
No offense, sweetie. It’s a digital world, and a guy has to keep up.
Blame Zuckerberg, not me.
(Postscript thought: Remember how all the dystopian books like “1984” of yore envisioned a future where the government would function as Big Brother, watching and noting our every move? Turns out they had it backward. It’s big tech instead. And they don’t impose it. We sign up for it. Irony can be a bitch.)
jimiii says
Did you list your wife’s age on this blog? What were you thinking? Some wives get upset if their significant other talks about their age.
Matthew says
Nifty short post, JimIII! It is a cliche, but it is effective because short. Keep it up, big boy, and we actually might read what you post.
Abner Devereaux says
Burial insurance?…. That one would tick me off. I tend to get ads that I would think are targeting someone 30 years younger than myself. Maybe I should start trying to reverse engineer the Facebook algorithm in my head in hopes of solving this riddle. I have decided that I firmly believe that cable TV sells viewer info to online advertising companies. After binge watching several episodes of Alaskan Wilderness, I had ads for trips to Alaska show up on Facebook. I performed no searches, made no phone calls regarding such trips…. Nothing…. I am convinced my cable box beams info straight to online advertisers.
Fusie says
I think Google is doing the same.
Fred says
Mark Zuckerberg aspires to be Big Brother and control the world, and he is well on his way to doing just that. If anyone ever wondered how Big Brother in the book “1984” managed to gain so much control over the minds of the people, they did it by getting everyone addicted to Facebook. Be afraid. Even more afraid than of the stupid things Trump has done or might still do.
Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos and Larry Page are a whole other breed of powerful men that society has yet to come to terms with. They are not just wealthy, they are mega wealthy and mega powerful. Any one of them could afford to cash in their investments and give every single person on the planet a million dollars and still be mega wealthy. Of course if they ever did that the cost of living would go through the ceiling until we are all broke again. They are here to control the world. They are not the traditional business men we know. They are something else. Think Darth Vader, Lex Luther or Dr. Evil from the Austin Powers movies.
Facebook’s algorithm doesn’t just take into account what is on your page. It also considers who is on your friends list among many other things. I am sure you have plenty of friends, fans and family in their 70s and 80s on your list. So, your efforts to trick Facebook might be fruitless, but it would be fun to try.
It should be noted that Google’s algorithm basically does the same thing by logging every website page you ever looked at, analyzing that data and feeding you ads based on it’s findings. It would be foolish to assume for a second that Google isn’t also selling your private Gmails. If it’s on their server they technically own the content and they made it clear in their terms they can decide what happens with your account at anytime.
Speaking of Howie Long; About 10 years ago I worked on the University of Virginia’s campus, and Howie’s son Chris, the star of the UVA Cavaliers, came in. That dude is huge. His neck looked wider than a tree trunk. He was really polite and friendly too.
Karen says
Zuck and Google are surely in cahoots! Now I know why I am getting calls from solicitors 3 times a week asking if I have back pain, or offering me a “free” back support device. I wondered if Big Bro was watching when I walked into my doctor’s office. A woman with a Far East accent asks me how I am today, and refers to my back pain. I tell her I am fine, no one in this house is in pain, take me off this list, please! Before I can say, you are a pain in my…….she disconnects.
Thanks for the enlightening column.
linda says
I dumped Facebook over a year ago, maybe it’s been 2 years, I am just glad it’s out of my life.
My cell phone might be next. Anyone who really matters in my life will know where I am when it’s necessary.
I enjoy your articles, Andrew. Looking forward to many more. Merry Christmas! and a Happy and Prosperous New Year!
Matthew says
Merry Christmas! This post is an example of how all us Americans actually might get together. Note that Abner and Andrew and I all agree on this issue. There are other such issues. For example, the hunters and fisherpeople all can agree with the tree-huggers, on environmental questions.
Love to everybody! Let’s close ranks, from now on.
Matthew says
A very old Chinese expression goes something like this: The mountains are high, and the Emperor is far away. For us, in Michigan, this means that no matter how annoying and embarrassing and irrational Trumps is, he really does not affect our daily lives very much. Trump wants to rule us, but we are too distant, mostly.
We mostly do not suffer from nasty national and international problems. Let us keep our heads down, and forge ahead with our own daily lives. We are extremely lucky not to live under Saudi or Syrian or Russian or American air strikes. We are lucky not to have weekly suicide bombings. We are lucky to have daily food and medicine shipments. Shhh! Stay quiet. Keep going, quietly.
Live long and prosper. Merry Christmas!
Fred says
We would like to keep it that way, Tom. That’s exactly why we don’t want to keep our heads down. I agree, it doesn’t really affect white middle-class males yet, and apparently that is as far as some of us can think.
Matthew says
Hey, Fred, you are a champ. But what makes you thinks I am, “middle?” Actually, just scraping by. And, our lucky Michigan immunity from suicide bombers and political oppression covers everybody, not just, “middle class males.”
We need better health care for everybody, and better education, and better water, but we still are lucky. Please do not try to start a fight with people who already are on your side.
Fred says
I don’t pick fights, I implore people to think about what they said. Especially when they are on my side.
If you are grateful for how good we have it in America, then the last thing you should want to do is keep your head down in the era of Trump. When decent people take a passive approach they are only enabling the worst of us.
Michigan is a diverse state, I assure you that even way up here there are plenty of people who don’t share your perspective that Trump’s rhetoric and GOP policies don’t affect our daily lives.
We might not have suicide bombing yet, but mass shooting are on the rise. Many of them end with the shooter committing suicide. Is that any less an act of terror? Trump and his right-wing cohorts are doing everything they can to avoid addressing that problem. It can happen anywhere at anytime. Even in your own safe Michigan community. You might want to consider speaking up loudly before it does.
#MakeAmericaDecentAgain