A few years ago, I jokingly suggested what we need in America is a third major political party called “The Rest of Us.”
After this long presidential campaign – which has resembled a drunken family Thanksgiving argument more than anything else – I’m not joking anymore.
I’m gonna do it. Who’s with me?
(This is where you picture Bluto Blutarski running around the room in “Animal House” after suggesting the guys not take Dean Wormer’s crap lying down.)
(And this is where you picture the guys not reacting then Belushi saying “What’s wrong with you guys?” then Stork saying “What the hell are we supposed to do, ya moron?” then Belushi launching into his speech about how the battle wasn’t over when the Nazis bombed Pearl Harbor.)
You in? Nobody? Fine. I’ll do it on my own: “Ahem, ahem, mi-mi-mi! Hear ye, hear ye, I do hereby declare the formal formation of the “The Rest of Us Party” – the great, middle-ground alternative to the Democrats and Republicans.”
Anyone is welcome to join by liking “The Rest of Us Party” page on Facebook and leaving sarcastic remarks about how screwed up politics are in this country.
But if you’re not sure The Rest of Us Party is for you, answer the following:
- During this presidential election, have you ever thought “Three hundred million people in the U.S. and THESE are the two best people the Democrats and Republicans could find?”
- Have you ever found yourself screaming at the TV during one of the debates, “Just answer the damned question!”
- When a campaign commercial comes on asking you “Call Congressman Joe Dingbat and tell him to stop kicking puppies!” do you instead want to kick the candidate behind the commercial?
If you answered “yes” or “hell yes” or even “You damn right!” to any of those questions, then “The Rest of Us Party” is probably right for you.
As acting party chair (whoooo! Par-tay!), I am open to suggestions for a party motto and symbol, although for now I think we’ll go with “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore” (cribbed of course from the great Howard Beale in the movie “Network”) and a drawing of a bull with a red circle and line through it for a symbol.
I’m also open to platform suggestions, but here’s a start. The Rest of Us Party believes:
- Government exists to get stuff done for the common good. Period.
- In common sense. Period.
- Arguing is stupid.
- All campaign contributions and campaign ads – aside from maybe hand-drawn signs saying “Vote for me”- should be banned.
- Campaigns should be restricted to one month, no more.
- Candidates should talk only about themselves, not their opponents.
- Voting should be mandatory.
- Lying – in office or while running for office – should be punishable by a public spanking.
- Above all else, politicians should not annoy the hell out of everybody. If they do, they will be subject to banishment to North Dakota or some equally horrible place.
There. That ought to fix things.
Image: via YouTube
This election will be remembered by me as the “small hands” GOP primary, forever.
Another good one, Andy!!!
North Dakota would be too good, send them packing to Alaska, hole up with Sarah Palin and her family for a minimum one year. Yes, I’m mad as hell and not going to take it any more!
Slogan: Let’s Roll!
Although Hilliary is not my favorite candidate, I have to vote for the person that represents the Democratic Party. I am voting for the party not really the candidate. Let’s face it it if you have a majority of republican legislature, the president pretty much has his hands tied anyway.
I agree about getting stuff done and common sense. I also think that there is such a “party” already started as an out growth of Bernie Sanders campaign and the need to change the current policy of government. It is called “Our Revolution” and is a formed committee that is going to work at all levels of grassroots politics. The support of this “revolution” will help local, state, and national candidates that hold the beliefs that Sanders started. Check it out.
Our Revolution
Thanks Marie. Our Revolution looks very encouraging – I signed up.
On an almost unrelated note, while reading Andy’s column this morning I could not help but be reminded of Seinfeld’s Frank Costanza and the “The Story of Festivus” for the rest of us. Just for fun, one can watch a clip at:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8g4Ztf7hIM
With you 100%! Let’s start by cutting all campaign funding out.
I’m in, all the way!!
If I hadn’t logged off of Facebook until after the election, I’d like your party’s page now. ?
Fortunately I lost the photo from when I sat on my scanner and it showed some yellows & browns in my tighty whiteys not normally visible to the human eye (I swear they were clean) so you’re spared the visual about what I think of the current political situation.
I don’t trust Hillary Clinton. I trust Donald Trump to continue to be the pompous jerk he’s always been. As for Sanders, he may have been a better choice but the reality is Hillary had a better chance of beating Trump than he did.
Gawwwww you are sooo funny & I’m all in & will follow you anywhere!!!!!! ?
I’m going to name James Taylor as my vice president, so you might want to rethink that support.
Seriously, we should have four or five major parties. Then they would have to compromise with each other to get anything done. That works in several other countries.
I agree the two party system as it has evolved the past 20 years is becoming unworkable. Four or five – not sure how that would work. I think we need the return of shame and/or patriotism, myself.
Nasty women rule!
Yup! I’m married to one of ’em.
The Everybody Else Party Motto should be, “We don’t go to Washington to fight for anyone; We go to work for everyone.”
Let’s not forget the “none of the above” option on all ballots.