Rap rocker Kid Rock hinted this week he might run for Congress from Michigan.
I doubt it’ll happen. A newspaper buddy of mine thinks it’s just a publicity stunt to sell his next album, which he thinks will be called “Kid Rock for U.S. Senate.” That would be a pretty clever gimmick that would sell a lot of albums, so I tend to agree with my friend.
I also doubt that Candidate Rock – 0r whatever we’re supposed to call him (I ain’t calling a political candidate “Kid” or “Mr. Rock”) – would want the steep pay cut associated with being a senator. They only make between $174,000 and $191,000, not including kickbacks and bribes. (That was a joke. I think.)
But say he runs. Is it crazy to think he’d win?
Not at all. Yes, he’d be running against Sen. Debbie Stabenow, who seems entrenched, assuming of course he could first defeat rocker/lunatic Ted Nugent in the primary, who is also rumored to be considering a run.
But this is a nation where fake wrestlers (Jesse Ventura), bad actors (Ah-nold), cheesy actors (Reagan), comedians (Al Franken) and reality show TV stars (Trump) have been elected to high office.
So why wouldn’t Michigan elect a rapper? We’ve been a fool for lesser things. (Rick Snyder.) (The Detroit Lions.) (Coney dogs.)
I certainly don’t care for Potential Candidate Rock’s politics. From what little I know, I suspect he’d be just another false populist (conservative voters are suckers for these) who pretends to be on the side of the little guy but who consistently votes against the little guy’s interest.
Also, he’s pals with Sarah Palin, which is a fatal character flaw in my book.
In truth, he’d be terrible for Michigan and for the United States, which is precisely why he’s got a chance. (America lately has turned into the woman who consistently picks the wrong guy for her.)
But I’m trying to look on the bright side, and I do think we need more people in Congress from different backgrounds. As of 2015, about 40 percent of them were lawyers. That’s way too many. As the old joke goes:
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
At the very least, he’d liven up the place. As the first rapper/rocker in Congress, I think it’d be a hoot the first time he stood in the well of the Senate and said, “Dudes and dudesses, this bill is, like, totally bogus, man. And frankly it’s also a bit bawitdaba, da bang, da dang diggy diggy, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.”
(Oh, don’t write me nasty notes. I know he’s probably a lot more intelligent and adult than his image, but he’s always reminded me of the Spicoli character played by Sean Penn in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High.”)
There’s also this: Can you see him suddenly switching to a suit and tie? I can’t. But if he were forced to by Senate rules, I suspect he’d still wear sunglasses and his usual fedora, and I seriously doubt he’d cut his hair. Mitch McConnell would get the vapors.
And what about this? Say Kid Rock runs and becomes Sen. Rock in 2018, then wrestler/actor Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – whose fans want him to run for president in 2020 – enters the race as a Republican and wins the primary. If The Rock asked Kid Rock to be his running mate, we could end up with an all Rock White House.
And you thought America couldn’t get any weirder.
Image credit: U.S. Army via Creative Commons