The weather in Michigan this April has made just about everybody crazy. After five long months of winter glop already, a sixth seems like some kind of sick punishment. Everyone is tired of it.
Except for the incessantly positive people, of course.
I ran into one of these ridiculous creatures the other day.
“God, I’m sick of the weather,” I grumbled. “Can you believe this? Worst April of my life. I swear I’m moving to Florida.”
She smiled and said, “Oh, c’mon, it’s not that bad. It’s actually kind of pretty out, don’t you think?”
I eyed her suspiciously.
“Are you nuts?” I said. “Snow in November, December, January, February and March can be pretty. Snow in the middle of April is a crime against humanity!”
“Ah, but that’s the beauty of living in Michigan – we are blessed with four beautiful seasons.”
“Yeah, I said, “but the problem is you can get one of them in any of the other three. I had crocuses coming up, dammit. They’re now under a foot of snow.”
“We can’t pick the weather but we can pick our attitude about it,” she chirped. Incessantly positive people love using this line to show you how calm and superior they are. But I’ll bet you a million they swear and fume when the dog poops on the rug, just like the rest of us.
So I said, “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Are you’re telling me you never, ever get upset by crappy weather?”
“That’s what I’m saying.”
“And you’re fine with winters that stretch into June?”
“Yup. When God gives you snow, make snow angels.”
“And you’ve never once been perturbed when you shovel the driveway and it’s covered again half an hour later?”
“Never. Besides, even if the weather did bother me, complaining about it doesn’t do any good.”
Ah, that’s where she’s wrong. I wouldn’t expect the obnoxiously positive to understand, but whining and complaining about the weather is, in fact, a great stress reliever. According to a scientific study I just made up, people who air their grievances about the weather are 95 percent less likely to punch solid walls or holler at small children.
On the other hand, the same study found that smug people who never express frustration with the weather are 78 percent more likely than normal people to snap after one too many cloudy, drizzly days.
“The problem with excessively positive people,” says a psychologist friend of my mine, “is they’ve repressed decades of perfectly normal gripes about Michigan’s crappy weather. One day they’re just going to blow.”
I mentioned this to my Suzy Sunshine friend and she said, “I’m sure that won’t happen to me. Although now that you mention it, it does bother me a teensy bit that my kids will be in school until July because of all the snow days this winter. And I have to admit I was a tad annoyed when the snow killed my tulips. I mean, c’mon, it’s April, for crying out loud. Did we OFFEND someone? Do we need to sacrifice a GOAT to the weather gods or something? For the love of Mike, it’s May in two weeks and we’re STILL using the snow blower! That’s it, I’m moving to Florida!”
Eventually, they all come over to the dark side.
Winter here started in October, so we’re into month #7. I’m done.
I think maybe I should combine the snowblower and the lawnmower and have a Michigan hybrid snowmower.
Ha! Good one! Maybe you can make it run on grass clippings and snow. A true hybrid!
I have a very strong dislike for over optimistic types about our Michigan weather. Enough with the snow, I am ready for warm weather this year.
While loading groceries into my car yesterday, I admit I was clenching my teeth in anger because the freezing wind was blowing in my face.
“Did we offend someone?” Do you really need to ask? Of course we did, and I wonder if the excessively positive about the weather types aren’t also the ones in denial about that offense.
Every year diring winter I take two vacations to a warmer location.
Florida
Bahamas
Mexico
Early December is the first, early February is the second. No matter how crappy and long the winter, my family and I get by with a good attitude.
Mar Al Lago?
Do the Bahamas and Mexico let you take in your guns and ammo?
When you support Trump, you made it clear that honesty is not something you value. We have no reason to believe anything you say.
Daddy – Do you have a swimming suit with a concealed handgun pocket? Can you put your Mauser in a Speedo? Can you protect your family when you go to the Caribbean beaches?
O b s e s s e d…. With all of your various accounts.
Less alcohol…. More sleep…. Get outside more….
What is this thing about “various accounts?” I am Tom. Only Tom. Only here. Please explain what you mean, but please do not bring your guns to my neighborhood.
And! We would love to read your answers to my questions about taking your guns and ammo to other countries. Do they allow you to do it? Or, do you buy new guns every time you get to the Bahamas and Mexico? Or, what? Do you smuggle them in? Inquiring minds want to know.
I don’t know about where you live, but after tomorrow, it looks like spring may finally arrive, according to my Weather Channel app! Something to look forward to!
Rah rah,
Sis boom bah,
Tuliptime tuliptime,
It’s coming, aha!
I have nowhere else to put this, and I think you guys would be interested. I just watched and listened to a woman who works for Trump,interviewed on PBS. Victoria Coates actually said, “I think President Trump realizes the proximity of North Korea to Japan.” She said this with a straight face.
Oy! All you gotta do is look at a map! North Korea is RIGHT NEXT TO JAPAN! Everybody except Trump already knew this! Trump, apparently thinks maps are fancy liberal unnecessary things.
North Korea and Japan map:
https://www.google.com/maps/place/North+Korea/@40.2135478,118.4631087,5z/data=!4m5!3m4!1s0x357e02dae64f4337:0x3a0b871c3e1d861c!8m2!3d40.339852!4d127.510093
You made me laugh after I cursed the damn snow
Please take a look at the story out of Tennessee. There are very lax gun laws in Tennessee, but there was not a good guy with a gun on the premises. However, when the shooter’s rifle jammed, a customer was able to wrestle it out of his hands.
Remember what I said about magazine restrictions? Whenever there is a pause in the shooting, there is a window of opportunity to neutralize the shooter. We need to increase those windows of opportunities by making them reload after six shoots.
Magazines over 6 rounds need to be banned. You still get to keep your guns. This is a reasonable compromise that will save lives. I know everyone must care about that.