The lovely yet formidable Marcia and I celebrated our 34th wedding anniversary recently. That sounds like a long time but it’s really only slightly more than three decades, which, when you think about it, is only a blip in time when compared to glaciers, the stars and, you know, rocks and stuff.
So, OK, we’ve been around the block 6,537 times or so.
When you’re married this long, you tend to not make a big deal about anniversaries. We used to do gifts and cards and long, candlelit dinners, even the occasional romantic overnight at a hotel somewhere. Then we figured out that’s how you get kids.
So these days, we’re more like, “Hey, is it our anniversary today?”
“I think so.”
“So you wanna celebrate?”
“I’m too tired. Did you pick up dog food on the way home like I asked?”
“No, I forgot.”
“You always forget.”
“And you always remember that I forget.”
Very romantic.
This year, we did, however, post loving tributes to one another on Facebook along with a few photos of us back in the day and now. It saved us a few bucks on greeting cards to one another, which I never understood anyway. Nothing says I love you more than a card that somebody else wrote.
Many, many people offered a simple “Congratulations!” to our Facebook posts, which was truly touching. But more than a few added an additional comment. Here’s a sampling. See if you detect a theme.
“34 years and she still looks sane and healthy.”
“34 years with you? She must be a saint.”
“Andy, you must have accidentally done something right to earn enough good Karma to snag Marcia.”
“Andrew got himself a trophy wife.”
“She doesn’t look like she’s aged a minute. But what happened to you?”
“Andy, you lucked out.”
“Andy, you’re a lucky man.”
“Wow, are you lucky. Her, not so much.”
“Better luck next time, Marcia.”
“At least she got the incredible kids out of it. Kids are worth any suffering you have to endure.”
“Marcia, I feel your pain.” (That one was from my sister.)
“No doubt she rues the day, lol!”
“Andy, hold on to her like grim death, my friend. Grim. Death.”
I’m not too bright, but I think people are trying to tell me that I married way, way, way up. I have news for them, though: I knew that already. I knew she was out of my league when I spotted her across the room at a floor meeting in Barnard Hall at Central Michigan University. I knew she was out of my league when we got married. (I kept waiting for the whole congregation to stand as one and object.)
And I know it now. I may not be a catch, but I’m also not stupid.
Happy anniversary, sweetie. Here’s to the next 34.
Jims says
December 17, 2017 at 9:57 amHappy anniversary to both of you!! Could you ever imagine life before you were married and had kids? Hope you enjoy another34!
Andrew Heller says
December 17, 2017 at 9:41 pmOh we will. I’m too cranky to croak.
Tina says
December 17, 2017 at 1:28 pmHappy Anniversary! I think you guys are perfect for each other, otherwise, it wouldn’t have lasted 34 years…and counting! Congratulations and many more blessings to you both! 🙂
Andrew Heller says
December 17, 2017 at 9:41 pmAs long as I do what I’m told.
Cathy says
December 17, 2017 at 5:17 pmCongratulations! 34 years~very cool. Cheers to 34 more!
Jim III says
December 17, 2017 at 7:34 pmAndy,
Congratulations on your wife spending 34 years trying to “straighten’ you out. By that I mean trying to remodel you into a “better” version that she thinks that she can endure another few years with.
The following items I am passing them on to you without my wife’s permission.
here are a couple of observations from my being married for a little over 40 years the first time around:
Sometimes the biggest problem that women have with men sometimes is the fact that the male is breathing. For some reason it upsets them. How can a man eliminate that from happening?
I have no idea. If you think you have an answer, let the rest of us know. The biggest thing to watch out for is that they get so upset that they might try to stop the male from breathing.
Old joke: One day God was walking with Adam. Adam asked why did he make women so beautiful. God’s answer: so men would love women. Then Adam asked God did he make women seemingly not so intelligent. His answer: So that they would love men.
When you go out shopping and you have to go and you approach the restrooms a lot of stores have the men’s room on the left and the women’s is on the right. That is because the women think that they are always right. Do not tell my wife that I wrote that, I will deny it if you do.
If the wife gives you a shopping list and sends you to the store to get whatever items on the list, ou can be sure if she forgets to put something on the list that she needs, it will be your fault somehow. In that case just apologize and go back to the store to get whatever she forgot to put on the list.
The sound of Music came on television, I have to go watch a good movie. If I do not my current wife will get upset with me.
Happy wife, happy life. maybe.
Andrew Heller says
December 17, 2017 at 9:39 pmI love that joke. Very true. Keep her happy – she may wise up.
Linda Ann says
December 17, 2017 at 9:04 pmCongratulations Andrew and Marcia! 34 years sounds like a long time, but I bet it feels like it went by too fast.
Andrew, you always refer to Marcia as ” the lovely yet formidable Marcia”.
Every now and then I have to look up “formidable” to remind myself of the definition. It’s not really a common, every-day word. Merriam-Webster defines it in this order:
1. Causes fear and apprehension.
2. Having qualities that discourage approach.
3. To inspire awe or wonder; impressive.
I am putting my money on #3.
Andrew Heller says
December 17, 2017 at 9:38 pmI’d say a mixture of 1 and 3
Oldugly says
December 17, 2017 at 9:20 pmJust a simple, Congratulations on 34 great years.
Nancy says
December 20, 2017 at 4:23 pmYou just HAVE to stay married to a guy with a sense of humor!