A few months ago, Great Britain Prime Minister Theresa May appointed a Minister of Loneliness, probably the first in world history.
“For far too many people, loneliness is the sad reality of modern life,” May said, citing a report indicating 14 percent of the population often or always feels lonely.
An article I read said loneliness often becomes depression, which costs people work time, which costs U.K. employers $3.5 billion annually.
The cynic in me thinks that’s probably a big reason why May did it.
But I love the idea nonetheless. Loneliness is a fundamental problem for just about everybody I know. To be human is to experience loneliness. So why shouldn’t government address the issue? The government is just us, after all. But it seldom deals with things that would actually make a difference in the lives of real people.
For instance, wouldn’t it make sense for this country to have not only a Minister of Loneliness but a Minister of Laughter? I’m not kidding. Laughter is good for you in every way, and yet how many people do you know who seldom if ever laugh? The Minister of Loneliness would be in charge of injecting humor into our days. I realize that’s partly Trump’s role, at this point, but maybe having a Ministry of Laughter would free him up to do more half-hour call-ins to Fox News. (Which was hysterical, incidentally. The only time in history a TV show couldn’t wait to get the president of the United States off the show.)
I’d also like to see a Minister of Getting Shit Done. Have you noticed how things the government is supposed to do – fix roads, keep the water safe, manage Social Security, run the parks, and so on – it doesn’t do very well anymore?
That’s because of bureaucracy, budget constraints, and politicians who have a stake in shit not getting done. So the Minister of Getting Shit Done would have the power to increase his or her budget depending on what shit needs doing, as well as the power to tell the bureaucracy and the politicians to stuff it in a sack.
I’d also like to see:
- A Ministry of Who the Hell’s to Blame for This Mess? – Have you noticed that when things go terribly wrong, as they often do, it’s hard to tell who’s responsible? Take the Great Recession. It ruined lives and drained retirement accounts. That nation is still recovering. And yet was anyone held accountable? Not really. The Minister of Who the Hell’s to Blame for This Mess’s sole job would be to identify and punish the individual rats and scoundrels responsible for public crises. Our court system certainly isn’t going to do it.
- A Ministry of Sarcasm – I don’t know what public good would be served by having a Minister of Sarcasm but interviews with him or her at least might be something the Minister of Laughter could use:
Reporter: “Minister, could you please explain what you do?”
Minister: “Yes, I could.”
Reporter: (Awkward pause.) “So, uh, will you?”
Minister: “Yes, I will.”
Reporter: (Awkward pause) “Do you mean, like, now?”
Minister: “No, I figured I’d answer next month.”
For maximum effect, the Minister of Sarcasm would always be accompanied by a drummer who would be in charge of rimshots.
- The Ministry of No, I’m Sorry, That’s Just Stupid – Its job would be similar to the Supreme Court except it would rule on lesser social annoyances like low-rise jeans, tongue studs, Heinz Mayochup, and roundabouts.
I would be perfect for that job, incidentally, as many, many things annoy me.
Don’t get me started.
I view the “Minister of Loneliness” as a symptom of an out-of-control, intrusive government. The Brits are truly bonkers on this move. There will not be one fewer lonely person in the British Isles due to this multi billion dollar expenditure.
It’s time people understand that government does not improve our lives. Government has too much control over our lives. We need less government. That would make life better.
Of course you do.
Just like the NRA is a intrusive faction that has to much control over weak minded people that can’t think for themselves. We need less NRA and that would make our lives better. The lemurs follow them everywhere and keep sending them money that no one knows where it goes or how many members it actually has. DONT TRUST THE NRA.
Liberals/socialists/democrats are the weak minded ones. The NRA does not control my or anyones else’s thought process. If a conservative./republican does not toe the party line they are not made the object of ridicue . If a democrat/socialist/liberal does not toe the party line then they are mocked, smeared and castigated by the party elite. Case in point Kanye West critized President Bush when he was in office. He was called a good /liberal/ democrat by the liberals. In the past couple of weeks he has praised President Trump for being a good guy. Kanye was pilloried by the lame stream media. He essentially was and is considered to be a pariah by the liberal/democrat party/elites. I cannot remember the black female conservative that stated that blacks did not have to vote democrat. There is more to her commets, but that is the main theme of her comments. She was shreded by the lame stream media. so long as a black person sisngs the liberal/democrat party theme they are ok with that person, let that person stop chanting the liberal/democrat lines and they will be pilloried and made made to be like they are mentally disturbed. Republicans are for free speech. Democrats/librerals/ socialists are for free speech only if it follows the party line and does not go against what the party says to say.
Yup the NRA and the Republican Party are always right.
I am a liberal. For the record, I have always thought Kanye West was an idiot. You say Republicans are for free speech and Democrats are not. That is hogwash. We are all for free speech, except when we (you) are not.
I nominate Working Dad for Minister of Right-Wing Cliches. Or, maybe, Minister of Never-Saying-Or-Thinking-Anything-Original.
I only see money mentioned in loneliness minister as a guesstimate cost to U.K. businesses, lost employee time. Not a billion dollar govt cost. Not a new bureaucracy but focusing existing minister and Departments.on a public health topic. Same way smoking and attendant health issues were.
Looking at it another way. I think loneliness, feeling alienated probably leads to health issues, alcohol and drug use, increasing Rx for anxiety, depression, suicides etc etc. Actually it might be a saving for their health care system.
This column is another one of your gems, Andy! Love it!!
Thank you Andy, roundabouts are the dumbest things ever built.
The problem with roundabouts is they put them in and people have no clue what to do. Pretty simple actually. Some people just don’t understand. I believe these are the same people that don’t know what to do at a four way stop.
Right On, Jims! I avoid them only because few drivers in West Mich. understand how they are supposed to work. Here is the only rule: ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS GIVE WAY TO DRIVERS ON YOUR LEFT. OTHERWISE, KEEP GOING. That’s it. Simple.
Sorry guys, to me they are a waste of money and the amount of time saved compared to normal on and off ramps are minimal. The state needs to quit building new stuff and fix the roads we have,
I love how the Rebublicans believe that Michigan is the comeback state and everything is just wonderful since Snydly was elected. A very good article in Sunday’s Flint Journal how cities and people have never recovered. Very good read.
Where is the Ministry of Hypocrisy for all the Trump supporters who hold a comedian to a higher standard than the president of the United States?
Exactly. Trump can say or call anybody anything he wants. But don’t do it to them.
Trump said he is going to fix the Soo Locks. He even asked the crowd, do you know what the Soo Locks are? Does anybody in Michigan not know what they are? Then I heard afterward he called Pence and asked him if he knew of any good locksmiths.
Ministry of Bodily Functions: There are hints or rumors that somebody has a video of the incident when Trump may have hired Russian prostitutes to piddle on a certain bed in some Russian hotel. I am sure this video would show the ladies and Trump and some of his minions dancing around with their index fingers pointed up, chanting, “We’re Number 1! We’re Number 1!…”
How do they say, “Number 1,” in Russian? Does, “Number 1,” have the same connotations in Russian as in English?
More Lyrics
Come on! You know this famous old song! Sing along with me!
On top of Old Stormy…
All covered with Don…
Did he use a condom?
Did he have one on?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P51eCjKN2Kw
Two more verses:
We have heard of Bill Clinton…
FDR in his day…
But the World’s Greatest Lover
Was Young JFK
Now our Donald has fallen…
Has broken his vow…
He got Stormy Daniels…
And we want to know how
Sniff. That’s beautiful. I’m all verklempt.
Here’s another topic Andrew has written about recently: The First Lady’s refusals to take Donald Trump’s hand. This is the obvious musical reference:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jenWdylTtzs
Here is a good one about Trump. Jeremy Peters of the NY Times said it tonight on NPR. Jeremy said he has heard this from several people:
Donald Trump is a guy who could beat a lie-detector test, even when he is lying.
Tuesday – Andrew, Lots of apparent war-mongering insanity plus arrogant lies from the White House today… We want a leader. Please post soon, so that we can comment and argue. Trump’s Iran stuff is not just silly fluff.
Ha, will do. Been out of state for the past five days, so just getting back to things now. He has no strategic purpose – he’s just undoing anything Obama did and calling that progress.
I like your idea of a Minister of getting (spit) done. Perhaps with a department of “scheduling all engineereig works at the same time, rather than waiting until the road has been replaced by the County to have the City tear bits of it up to replace a storm drain?”