A mall in China has installed what are being called “husband storage pods,” which contain a comfortable chair and video games to help him pass the time while she shops.
American malls and big box stores, please follow suit.
I don’t necessarily need the video games, although I wouldn’t be opposed if they had Galaga, which is an old-school arcade game I never quite mastered back in college but would still like to.
I’d be just as happy with a TV with Netflix. I’m behind on “Orange is the New Black.”
Or a book. I have about 500 unread books guilting me at home. Books are the worst at that. It’d be nice to have some time to shut one or two of them up.
I’m frankly amazed malls haven’t come up with something like this before. I know it’s a stereotype – women love to shop and men hate it – but in my case it’s most true.
My idea of shopping is asking the lovely yet formidable Marcia to pick something up for me while she’s out. It never works. “I am not picking out underwear again for you,” is her usual response, which is why I have underwear older than my kids.
One of these days I’m going to have to break down and go to JC Penney myself, which I think is where I last bought underwear in 1994, although I hear a lot of those are closing.
When I do, there will be no messing around. I am a very focused clothes shopper. If I need underwear, I go straight to the underwear department, and nowhere else. I do not look at socks. That’s another trip. I do not dally in the shoe section or allow myself to be waylaid by jeans or shirts. I figure I can get a few more years out of the jeans and shirts I already have, which is why I look like a particularly down on his luck hobo most of the time.
I also do not waste time on selection. I will not consider tighty-whities – what am I, a 6-year-old? I will not look at boxer briefs. I’m not into hybrids. I most certainly will not get bikini briefs – the world has enough troubles. Instead l grab a 3-pack of my usual boxers. No pattern, if possible. Same brand as always, if possible. Then I’m out of there. Five minutes tops. I do not “shop.” I “buy.” It’s one of my best traits, I think.
Marcia, on the other hand, is a shopper. She has a master’s degree in it, in fact. To her shopping is recreational, therapeutic, communal, competitive and strategic, all at the same time.
Fine. I’m not going to judge. I just can’t do it. It’s just not in my nature, as I’ve explained, but I also happen to have a serious medical condition called “mall foot.”
Mall foot is a sharp, painful ache that starts in the arches and radiates up the shins, forcing me to find one of those benches outside the store. A lot of guys get this. It’s a real thing. Swear to god. Ask a doctor, preferably a male doctor.
Although Marcia doesn’t buy it.
“It doesn’t seem to bother you when you’re playing racquetball with your buddies,” she says.
I know. It’s the damnedest thing. Medical science will find a cure someday, I’m sure.
But I hope not in my lifetime.
For so many women, shopping is not just commerce but is actually a social event. It makes no sense to me but understand this gives men insight into the female mind. Some couples are now “spending time together” shopping online. The weirdness of this 21st century variant on shopping is yet another way that people are spending less time in public and more time in cyberland.
What next? – Wife pods at Home Depot with Pampered Chef content? What a strange world we have today.
Andy, you described me to a tee! If I could write, these would be my exact words! Way to go.
Thanks, Ernie. We lack the gene.
Hilarious and oh so true of the men who have been in my life.
I have never met a man who loves to shop. Nor have a had a grandson who loves to shop…unless it is for toys. Come to think of it, men love to shop for toys.
As a female. I don’t mind shopping in Home Depot or Menards. They have stuff to look at. It is all about stuff to look at. My husband once said he would go into a clothing store with me if I didn’t say, “Isn’t this cute?” Impossible task!
I am not a “shopper”. I always have an idea of what I need and what I have in mind. The only place I can linger a bit is at the fabric store. My husband says he doesn’t mind sitting in the car with the dog while I am in the stores. Hah! He should just really do something he enjoys instead of waiting for me. Then we would both be happy! Oh yeah, and the dog too!
I am going to show this to the woman in my life.
See? It’s not just me.
I am a guy, and I agree. I hate and avoid shopping with my wife. BUT! Andrew, this post might be criticized. It might be seen as a sexist gender stereotype thing. Or, maybe just, a sort of old-fashioned, boring boys versus girls out-of-date American silly thing.
There probably is a way to write this idea in a 21st-century way, but this is not it.
Said to wife ” how can you go shopping for hours and not buy anything?” Wife said to me “how can you go hunting for hours and not get a deer?”
Checkmate!