Come Heller high water …
- What am I most thankful for? For three healthy kids and a healthy, if sarcastic, spousal unit, aka the lovely yet formidable Marcia.
Oh, and spiced apple rings. I’m thankful for those, too. Thanksgiving is the only day of the year I eat them, and they remind me of being a kid. If your Thanksgiving meal today does not include spiced apple rings, I feel sorry for you.- I also pity you if someone sneaks giblets into your stuffing. What the hell is it with those things? They’re like sliced up bits of alien or something.
- I like Stove Top Stuffing better than homemade. There, I said it. It’s out there and I can’t take it back. If that makes you not want to read any further, I understand.
- The last few Thanksgivings I’ve found myself wishing I got excited for the Thanksgiving Day parades on TV, like I did when I was a kid. But it won’t happen. I tried watching last year for the first time in a decade and, I’m sorry, but they’re just plain awful. One improvement I could suggest: Get rid of the lip synced performances by pop stars and Broadway performers. Those are dreadful, plus they stop the parade, and if you stop a parade it’s no longer a parade. It’s watching people pretend to sing on a street, is it not? And why would I want to watch that?
- No one asked me, but here’s my Top 5 Pies list, in order of awesomeness: 5) Lemon meringue 4) Pumpkin 3) Cheesecake (it says cake in the name but it’s a pie in my book, dammit) 2) Blueberry, and 1) Raspberry. Do not argue with me on this.
- Dark meat is not good. I’ve been holding that inside for a long time now and had to get it out.
- Also, cranberry relish is better than cranberry sauce, plus it doesn’t leak all over your plate like sauce does.
- Favorite Thanksgiving dish of mine that you’ll go “Huh?” when you see what it is: Lima beans with vinegar.
- Told ya. What can I say? My Grandma Rose, who lived in South Carolina much of her life, loved it, and now I do, too.
- One thing my mom always made me for Thanksgiving that Marcia does not (not that this is a complaint, sweetie, but it kinda is): Celery sticks filled with cream cheese, with paprika sprinkled on top.
- Bold prediction: The Lions will actually win today. They’re not great but then neither are the Vikings. The entire North division is incredibly so-so, including my beloved Packers.
- Turkey must be cooked in a bag. I’m sorry. That’s just how it is. If you’re doing it some other way, you are, in fact, doing it wrong.
- Pants will be unbuttoned today. I’m just saying.
- Someone just posted this Thanksgiving meme, which, as a longtime food separatist, I wholeheartedly endorse: “This Thanksgiving, I hope you’re able to avoid the tragedy of the different foods on your plate touching each other.”
- If Friday is Black Friday, is Thursday Fat Thursday?
- I’m one of those who doesn’t quite get Black Friday. Sure, I’d like a $5 toaster but is getting one worth standing in line that goes to the back of the store? I don’t think so.
- I usually end this column with a quote. Here’s my favorite all-to-time quote on thankfulness, from Sarah Ban Breathnach, which I have taped to my desk: “You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you.”
- Happy Thanksgiving.
I agree on the “star” performers in the parade. What the heck do those songs have to do with Thanksgiving Day or Christmas??
Also if you want celery sticks with cream cheese, you can make them yourself. Just get a Philadelphia soft cream cheese with or without chives (you can even get it with strawberry flavor) and just slap it on as thick as you want. Don’t blame your wife.
Do my own? Marcia, is that you?
I agree with you about stuffing…it has to be Stove Top!
Happy Thanksgiving to you & yours!
I also use Stove Top but put in a lot more ingredients, plus I use chicken broth, not water.
Delightful column! Laughter is essential with a Thanksgiving dinner. This will spark some great table conversation. Have a wonderful day!
Thanks, Linda Ann. Have a great Thanksgiving!!!
Great column, Andy. And what are giblets in there for, anyway? Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.
Happy Thanksgiving Heller family. Great quote I’ll have to write it down as I no longer have a functioning printer. And my functioning IT geek aka grand son is interning at Georgetown.
Wow I do need to work on that grateful thing!
Happy TGiving to you and yours as well.
Happy Thanksgiving, Andy. I love my mother-in-law’s dressing, but I’m totally with you on the giblets – – that’s just gross!
I know. Ugh.
The only good thing about the parade is, there are so many commercials, you have time to go to the bathroom and make breakfast before the next balloon comes along. 2 minutes of parade, bathroom, eggs and toast, commentators babbling, another piece of toast, sponge bob, babbling, bathroom………..,,.SANTA! Thank God it’s over
Andrew, dear, You are not exactly a Foodie, apparently. Do you yourself ever cook? You seem to portray yourself as a hapless apronless old-time American cliche dad who never picks up a pot holder. Say it ain’t so!
No that would be MY husband!! Lol. What can I say? It wouldn’t be edible anyway. ?
I’m definitely not a foodie in the chi-chi sense. Raised a Yooper. Sorry. I cook only very occasionally – mostly chili.
Hope you and yours had a Happy Thanksgiving Andy!!? I am greatful for your column and love the quote you shared.
However I have to quibble about the giblets. They are the heart, liver and gizzard of the bird, fried and cut up. My mom made her own stuffing and gravy and always added them to both. It adds protein, flavor and keeps the stuffing moist. It’s so good!! However, I am also a fan of Stove Top as it is much faster. Lol. But I miss my Mom’s. It was a treat!!?
Thank you Star!
Andy – Wow! I don’t know what to disagree with you on first so I’ll start with pie. It’s Apple, Cherry, Peach, Pumpkin. The Lions have suffered their share of injuries but would probably be screwed if Stafford got hurt.
Also I hated stuffing for decades until I tasted it with onions and garlic with diced celery. Stove Top is so bland I don’t know how anyone eats it out of the box. Giblet gravy rocks, you can put in on your biscuits, mashed potatoes or stuffing.
OK, I forgot cherry. I’ll give ya that.