Andrew Heller

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Come Heller high water … the Independence Day edition

July 3, 2019 by Andrew Heller 14 Comments

Come Heller high water …

  • This will not surprise you but I disagree with our tinhorn dictator about his Fourth of July celebration. Turning it into a military parade is so juvenile, so beneath us, so … Soviet. We’re better than that. Or used to be, anyway.
  • I like Michigan’s more restrictive rules on fireworks. A few years ago when anyone could buy and fire off anything any time of day or night, I was in favor because I’m a guy and guys like blowing stuff up (there’s a reason America has been at war 222 years in our 239-year history). But people abused it, as they do most things. The way it is now is better. My dog thinks so, too.
  • If you didn’t see the cartoon that got Canadian cartoonist Michael DeAdder fired, I highly encourage you to look it up online. It’s absolutely brilliant. It depicts the Golfer-in-Chief asking the bodies of Oscar Alberto Martínez and his 23-month-old daughter, Angie Valeria, who drowned crossing the Rio Grande to get into the U.S., if he can play through. I’m defending my own here, I guess. Cartoonists and columnists are supposed to have an opinion and to afflict the powerful. We need more of that in society, not less.
  • By the way, Trump, who often criticized Obama for golfing, has golfed at least 189 times since becoming president two and a half years ago, according to trumpgolfcount.com, costing American taxpayers well over $100 million. Obama golfed 306 times over eight years. In 2016, Trump said this: “I’m going to be working for you. I’m not going to have time to go play golf.” Fun, huh?
  • If you weren’t sickened by the photo of Oscar Martinez’s daughter clinging to him in death, I don’t want to know you. Seriously. Turn the page right now. Go read Garfield or something. Republicans often claim to be Christians. Well, tell me what’s Christian about our immigration policies? You can argue all you want about the need to “get tough” on immigrants but can you imagine Jesus treating them the way we are? This is becoming what America stands for in the eyes of the world. Not freedom and opportunity.
  • Kamala Harris surged in the polls after attacking Joe Biden on his busing stance from 40 years ago, but it lessened her (one of my early favorites) in my eyes. It seemed like a cheap, gimmicky attack. Biden voted against busing as a means to achieve integration. Yes, others did so because they were racist. But does anyone seriously believe Biden is racist? C’mon. Busing was a difficult issue back then and it remains so to this day. What surprised me most about the debate exchange was that Biden clearly wasn’t prepared to handle what should have been a jab that missed. (Disclosure: I’m not a Biden fan, nor a Biden critic, per se. I simply prefer many of the other candidates, including Harris.)
  • Meanwhile, our president had this to say about the busing “issue” when asked: “You know, there aren’t that many ways you’re going to get people to schools,” he said. “So this is something that’s been done. … It is certainly a primary method of getting people to schools.” Sigh.
  • No, don’t invite me to play corn-hole. That’s a disgusting name and a lesser backyard game than bags, which is the Yooper version of corn-hole. What’s the difference? First, in corn-hole landing a bag anywhere on the board is one point, which is ridiculous. In bags, there are two scoring zones – one point AND two points. Which is a MAJOR difference, trust me. And second, bags players do not use corn in their bags because corn absorbs moisture. Bags players use either beans or plastic beads. Amateurs play corn-hole. People who know what they’re doing play bags. And now you know.
  • “Were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter.” – Thomas Jefferson

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Filed Under: All Columns, Come Heller high water Tagged With: Andrew Heller, andrewheller.com, Come Heller high water

Comments

  1. Abner Devereaux says

    July 3, 2019 at 9:47 am

    Andy Heller can’t even provide a column about our Independence Day without bitching about President Trump. Articles like this show why the free market is not paying for liberal talking points. More liberal “journalists” will fail to make a living with their diatribes and that is a good thing.

    I will be celebrating the fact that we killed the ruling assholes who tried to take our guns and overtax us. It is one of history’s most awesome achievements. It is something to be celebrated.

    Reply
    • Andrew Heller says

      July 3, 2019 at 10:00 am

      I have an excellent solution for that – don’t read it and don’t follow me. This isn’t the public school system. You don’t have to attend. Trump is a cancer on America.

      Reply
  2. Adam says

    July 3, 2019 at 10:16 am

    I’ll be lamenting the fact that the Republican party, the “conservative” and “constitutionalist” party, watched the current holder of the executive branch impose a massive tax, the tariffs on the citizens of the country and is saying nothing about it.

    So much for Article 1 of the constitution. So much for free market conservatism. So much for supply side economics. So much for freeing American business from government interference. So much for the Tea Party.

    So much for integrity.

    Sad.

    Reply
  3. Gordon A Lachniet says

    July 3, 2019 at 10:30 am

    “Were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter.” – Thomas Jefferson

    Well we are well on our way to fining out what a government without newspapers will do. So far it does not look good. We do not even do our electronic news well. We need news, not just commentary. Sorry Andrew I know that you are not news and I view it as commentary.

    Reply
  4. Rick says

    July 3, 2019 at 10:59 am

    “celebrating the fact that we killed the ruling assholes who tried to take our guns and overtax us.”

    True fact.

    And now are governed by a party that has given us a tax bill that makes the wealthy way wealthier, has given credence and support to philosophical descendants of many more enemies we killed (Confederates and Nazis), and lavishes love on despots like Putin, Kim, and MBS, while mocking and insulting our long term allies. And appropriates our holiday for militarism worthy of a “tin horn dictator”.

    I’ll sit this one out, and hope we can find the bearings that this country was founded on.

    Reply
  5. NativeOfMichigan says

    July 3, 2019 at 11:42 am

    $2.5 million in funds to fix national parks are being diverted to the Trump July 4th event. The money will reportedly come from entrance and recreation fees meant to improve parks nationwide.

    Also, military chiefs are NOT “thrilled” about the politicization of President Donald Trump’s July 4 event.

    Reply
  6. Matthew says

    July 3, 2019 at 12:38 pm

    How about horse shoes? Instead of bags or the other one. More fun, a better game. It actually counts as a Sport.

    Also, the topic of busing is an odd, off-target thing. Do they still bus students for integration anymore, anywhere? I believe Kamala Harris is the only American, on any side, who ever liked busing. Busing never accomplished its goals. Anybody younger than fifty probably does not even know what we are talking about. And, it’s interesting to learn that Trump does not get it either.

    Reply
  7. Suze says

    July 3, 2019 at 2:39 pm

    Those weren’t debates..it was political version of speed dating or Miss America eliminations
    It does show stamina, preparation, ideas, sound bites of policy position. There are about 6 that for the good of the election, I wish would drop out right now. There’s no way these won’t devolve into quickie attacks with so many and so little time. Right now I’m voting for Lester Holt!
    Andy you always say Dems are too soft..They may have to be tough on their fellow Dems to break out of the pack
    Remember the Republican “debates” ? At least we’re not checking hand size …yet

    Reply
  8. jbcsfl says

    July 3, 2019 at 5:05 pm

    Too bad this year’s Fourth of July celebration has turned into a “Show of Fourth” for the fibber in chief.
    The mushroom headed one has spent millions to put on his parade, bring in tanks on rail cars, have flyovers which will close Reagan National airport, and then stand and say a few words by the Lincoln Memorial.
    We deserve better than this, what a buffoon he is.
    Vote in 2020!

    Reply
  9. jim iii says

    July 3, 2019 at 10:18 pm

    Andrew, I see you that you have again, as usual, climbed up on your soap box to spew your hatred of President trump. You called him a tin horn dictator. Andrew, what you and the other liberal/socialist/democrats fail to realize or cannot comprehend that if President Trump was such a person and he was to act like such. You and the other liberal/socialist/democrats would be in some sort of prison. Dictators do not like those who oppose them. There would be no freedom of speech.
    The only ones that are trying to shut down free speech are the ones that wear hoods over their faces so that they cannot be identified are anti-facist and sjw and other liberal/democrat/socialists.
    They show and assault those like Ngo the journalist that was assaulted in Oregon last week., Some hoodlum threw a milkshake laced with concrete in his face. Ngo is a conservative journalist who also happens to be gay.
    What is your take on that assault?
    Has President Trump spent too much time on the golf course? Yes, I think he does. Also too much time on twitter.
    The pictures of that father and daughter are a fine example of democrat inaction in CONgress.
    President Trump is not responsible for the deaths of those two potential illegal immigrants.
    The father took his family from their native nation and crossed Mexico and when they arrived at the border, the father found that they would have to wait about 6 months before they could fill out the necessary paperwork to get into this country. So the father made the fatal decision to cross the Rio Grande.
    The religion I belong to believes that one should obey the laws of the nation that you reside in and in any other nation that you may visit.
    “In 243 years, not one person has drowned by going through the proper channels to become an American citizen.

    Reply
  10. bookieb says

    July 3, 2019 at 10:24 pm

    Trump is worse than cancer on America. He is like a plague wiping out our “friends, Romans and countrymen.” He is a man with nary a trace of integrity.

    Reply
  11. Oldugly says

    July 3, 2019 at 11:10 pm

    Andy, Please don’t ask Abner or jimiii to leave. I get such a big kick out of their viewpoints. It does my heart good to know that if ever some Michigan village needs a backup idiot, there are at least two candidates available.

    Reply
  12. Suze says

    July 4, 2019 at 12:06 am

    ♥️

    Reply
  13. Abner Devereaux says

    July 5, 2019 at 8:25 am

    Independence Day 2019 was a great one! We took an early plane ride with my son and two of my grandchildren to go get ice cream. Later we did a little target shooting at my range. We saw the beautiful celebration of America on the Washington Mall. Cooked some unbelievably great steaks, chicken, brats and burgers on the grill. followed by a gangbuster fireworks show. It really drove home how lucky we are to be Americans. I hope all of you had a great Independence Day as well. God Bless the United States of America!

    Reply

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Andrew Heller has been an enduringly popular newspaper columnist in Michigan for a long, long, long time. He wrote his first column for the Escanaba Daily Press way back in 1979. It was about his … Continue Reading

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