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Come Heller high water … the imploding president edition

September 26, 2019 by Andrew Heller 23 Comments

Come Heller high water …

  • Congressional Republicans are treating the Trump/Zelensky memo like it’s a particularly hard “Where’s Waldo?” Gosh, they just can’t find a quid pro quo anywhere! Let me help. Trump: “I will say that we do a lot for Ukraine. We spend a lot of effort and a lot of time … There’s a lot of talk about Biden’s son, that Biden stopped the prosecution and a lot of people want to find out about that. So, whatever you can do with the Attorney General would be great.”
  • There he is! There’s Waldo! I see him!
  • C’mon, people. This isn’t a game. It’s our country. If we can’t agree on anything else, can we at least agree that using America’s power to get dirt on a political opponent is wrong?
  • But there’s good news for the GOP. Nancy Pelosi is chickening out again by trying to restrict impeachment to the Ukraine affair when there’s soooo much more. The Mueller report, for instance, identified 10 ways Trump obstructed justice. And he accepted Russia’s election help. And he violated campaign finance laws by paying off a stripper. And he separated kids from their parents at the border. And he’s a horrible, horrible human being.
  • He can’t be impeached for that last one, but he should be.
  • Sometimes I want to go back to technology that just works. For instance, wireless. Love it. But it only works when it feels like working. I think I’m going to go back to a wall-mounted landline phone and a plug-in AM/FM radio.
  • No, they shouldn’t remake “The Princess Bride.” That they would try to improve upon perfection is inconceivable. (Princess Bride fans will know what a good joke that was.)
  • I would take the best fall day over the best summer day eight times out of 10.
  • Words I love: blather, nincompoop, hornswoggle, gingersnap. They all sound like what they mean.
  • Please join my crusade against “got,” as in “He’s got to go to the mall.” No, he doesn’t. Got is unnecessary there. He has to go to the mall (although, in truth, no one EVER has to go to a mall.)
  • So you know, no, I can’t control the urge to edit everything and everybody, even though I, myself, am far from perfect. It’s the writer’s curse. Forgive me.
  • A Genesee County teacher who recently had a baby has filed a grievance against her school for only allowing her to pump breast milk twice a day, which she says is not enough. I swear, sometimes it’s like we still live in the 1700s. How enlightened of you, Birch Run Schools.
  • Michigan Senate Majority Leader Mike Shirkey said this week that Michigan has too many roads to maintain and we should return some of them to gravel. Brilliant. As a friend of mine said, let’s start with the ones in Shirkey’s district.
  • We don’t have too many roads, we have too many people like Shirkey who don’t want to pay their share of having roads, clean water etc. The GOP’s “every man for himself” stuff is getting seriously old. Next big idea: Rummage sales to pay for the gravel.
  • “Integrity is doing the right thing when you don’t have to—when no one else is looking or will ever know.” – author Charles Marshall, from “Shattering the Glass Slipper”

Image: Donkey Hotey

Filed Under: All Columns, Come Heller high water, Humor, National politics Tagged With: Andrew Heller, andrewheller.com, Trump

Comments

  1. jbcsfl says

    September 26, 2019 at 6:29 pm

    POTUS has gone off the rails.
    The GOP has morphed into the party of trump.
    Vote in 2020!

    Reply
  2. Fred says

    September 26, 2019 at 7:04 pm

    Imagine the uproar from the Right if Obama did even a fraction of what Trump did. Trumpism is a cult.

    #MakeAmericaDecentAgain

    Reply
  3. Matthew says

    September 26, 2019 at 7:43 pm

    Can you imagine I-96 in gravel? COZY is my favorite English word. It sounds cumfterbul. Gotta go.

    Reply
  4. bookieb says

    September 26, 2019 at 7:46 pm

    Shameful. One of my favorite words and today it perfectly describes Trump’s conduct.

    Reply
  5. Jims says

    September 26, 2019 at 7:57 pm

    I can’t say what my perfect word is to describe trump.

    Reply
  6. Matthew says

    September 26, 2019 at 8:10 pm

    Hey, Book… Have you noticed that SHAMEFUL and SHAMELESS mean the same thing?

    Reply
  7. Matthew says

    September 26, 2019 at 8:18 pm

    Trump is nasty. He fights and argues with everyone, friends and enemies alike. His simple-minded prevarications and evasions would be hilarious if he were not the President. He seems to think they are brilliant. Apparently, he believes he is getting away with stuff. Dopey. Are you sick of him? I am.

    Reply
  8. Dawn says

    September 26, 2019 at 8:32 pm

    My favorite word….Crapton – as in Shirkey and Chattfield both have a crapton of roads in their districts that can be returned to dirt…let’s see how that works for them!

    Reply
  9. NativeOfMichigan says

    September 26, 2019 at 10:02 pm

    Republicans lack critical thinking and have surrendered to Trump.

    “In a way, the world-view of the Party imposed itself most successfully on people incapable of understanding it. They could be made to accept the most flagrant violations of reality, because they never fully grasped the enormity of what was demanded of them, and were not sufficiently interested in public events to notice what was happening. By lack of understanding they remained sane. They simply swallowed everything, and what they swallowed did them no harm, because it left no residue behind, just as a grain of corn will pass undigested through the body of a bird.”
    ~ George Orwell, 1984.

    Reply
  10. ann b says

    September 26, 2019 at 10:43 pm

    Don’t be so concerned about what Republicans see or don’t see in this latest accusation. Ask Hillary and the DNC all about having and using foreign governments to get dirt on their political opponents. Also Hillary knows a lot about taking “bribes” from foreign governments in the millions that she took into the Clinton Foundation from them when she was in power.
    It’s all in the eye of the beholder. The Dems just don’t see any of what really happened on their side.

    Reply
  11. Fred says

    September 26, 2019 at 10:50 pm

    ann b , in case you didn’t notice, Hillary isn’t the president, Trump is. He broke a well defined law that all presidents take a oath to uphold. You can’t defend that, but I am sure you will try. Hell, I am sure you would defend Trump if he handed the nuclear launch codes to Putin. You are a Trump cultist and you have abandoned reality.

    Reply
  12. Mark says

    September 27, 2019 at 7:58 am

    ann b, I see you are using Russian talking points to throw shade on the Clintons, I am sure you know that the Clinton Foundation had a 90% return on the money given and that the trumps foundation was shut down for dirty dealing and self enrichment, but what the hay, don’t let facts get in the way of a good rant

    Reply
  13. Norma Zelenko says

    September 27, 2019 at 8:15 am

    Inconceivable, for sure. Now let’s bring in the Queen of Hearts to this political morass. “Off with their heads!”

    Reply
  14. Jims says

    September 27, 2019 at 10:10 am

    Ann.b. It still amazes me that people like you still defend a racist lying bribing thing that trump is. He’s been caught in lies, tries bribing people loves foreign murderous dictators, makes fun of handicapped people, disrespects all women. Can you please tell me why? He has done nothing for this country but give a tax break to big businesses. Economy was on the upswing because of Obama. Are your values and morals the same as trumps?

    Reply
  15. NativeOfMichigan says

    September 27, 2019 at 12:25 pm

    The Republicans are following Trump to 1984.
    The “newspeak” of the GOP:
    deflection
    deviation
    deception
    disinformation
    doublespeak

    Reply
  16. Jims says

    September 28, 2019 at 4:54 pm

    Didn’t think I would get an answer from Ann b. Pretty much answered my question without an answer.

    Reply
    • ann b says

      September 30, 2019 at 12:00 pm

      My answer is that you can’t speak to a subject without demeaning your opponent (me) by telling me who and what I am. You don’t know who I am. You can’t see the other side and it doesn’t matter that Hillary is not president right now. She was Secretary of State when she committed her crimes, and she was running for president, so that IS relevant to the discussion. But good luck with her, it appears she might run again. So have at it!

      Reply
  17. sharon bowsher says

    September 29, 2019 at 4:44 pm

    Please all know that between good, factual journalists and political cartoonists- that is what helps keep many of us sane in these awful political times.When I hear and read trumps words i am apalled and saddened that he is our president. Voting is our hope!!

    Reply
  18. Fred says

    September 30, 2019 at 8:15 am

    So, Trump suggests there will be a civil war if he is impeached by the House, not even convicted and removed by the Senate. Make no mistake, this is a thinny veiled call to arms directed at his base. Now imagine what he will do if he loses in 2020 or realizes he can’t be pesident for life. The democracy of our republic is in serious danger.

    Trump’s enablers are traitors to the core. Everyone of them are destined to finish out their lives in prison. They would be smart to tread carefull and drop their unfounded reopening of the Clinton emails investigation. Nobody is fooled. That is just a distraction. She was already cleared twice, by REPUBLICANS. What they are effectively doing is opening the doors to never ending investigations on themselves when they are out of power. Really? Is it really worth it just to stay in Trump’s good graces? We have some very pathetically weak men in the most powerful positions in the country.

    Reply
  19. Fred says

    September 30, 2019 at 12:42 pm

    Thanks for another dose of alternative reality, ann b. There is not enough craziness in the world, so it’s appreciated. Hillary had been cleared of all wrong doing, but I know that little fact is irrelevant. Trump on the other hand has not been cleared of wrong doing. Does that even matter to you? It apparently doesn’t. So I have to conclude that the Hillary thing doesn’t either. It’s just pure deflection.

    Reply
  20. Adam says

    September 30, 2019 at 5:18 pm

    Don’t fault her Fred. Some right wing news sites have been trying to create the impression that Hillary is going to run again. Saw a couple headlines on Drudge saying “There’s still time…”

    You can’t blame them, they need for people like ann to get wound up, and Hillary is really the only thing they have left that gets all the MAGA folks rabid.

    As you see here, it worked. Ann thinks she’s going to run.

    Reply
  21. Fred says

    September 30, 2019 at 6:10 pm

    You’re right. The rest of us live in America. Folks like ann b, they live in ‘Murica. It’s a whole other world.

    Reply
  22. Adam says

    September 30, 2019 at 11:44 pm

    Its not their fault. They watch FoxNews because it comfortably supports their world view.
    What they don’t realize is that it actually calculatingly and cynically forms that view.

    Consider: the day or so after John Bolton quit/was fired from the Trump administration, Tucker Carlson on FoxNews declared that Bolton was a “man of the left”, and even a (dramatic music) secret progressive.

    Think about that. The guy who who prominently served in the State Department during Reagan and G. HW Bush, and then led W into the Iraq war, and who was a Conservative (capital C) commentator on FoxNews for 10 freakin years before Trump hired him, was summarily thrown under the bus and declared to be a dirty leftie in literally one day, simply because he was now inconvenient to the administration’s ever ephemeral ideology. One risks cerebral whiplash considering the plausibility of Carlson’s thesis.

    Yet the MAGA folks didn’t question it.

    ann is probably old enough to remember when we made fun of the Soviet Union and Pravda for this kind of ridiculously bald faced 1984 style double-speak propaganda. What kind of fools would fall for this, we asked.

    Now we know.

    Sad.

    Reply

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