Come Heller high water …
- Ten days after the mid-term elections, it’s becoming pretty darned clear that we did in fact see a blue wave of sorts, both nationally and in Michigan. It wasn’t a tsunami-sized wave, but it was close. I like to think the GOP is having a come to Jesus moment and thinking, “Gosh, maybe taking away health insurance, demonizing immigrants, ticking off women, screwing the environment, stoking fears, ignoring gun massacres, gerrymandering the crap out of the states, suppressing minority voting and pandering to the rich weren’t the best strategies after all. Maybe we should try being nice for a change.” More likely, though, they’re thinking, “Nah, more of the same in 2020!” They’ve become the double-down party.
- The president said voters disguised themselves to vote again and again. Darn it, caught me. I personally voted 25 times – you should have seen the pile of clothes and hats in my car. After vote number 12, I was starting to run out of phony accents, too. What stress.
- I saw a commercial for an app called Smart News that said it’s a better news site because it offers “news from both sides.” But news reports what happens, it doesn’t take “sides.” Fox News takes sides. MSNBC takes sides. We don’t need “sides.” We need news based on facts, not on an interpretation of the facts by a political party. Interpretations of the news are called “opinions.”
- Also saw a tweet from Buzzfeed that said, “Green bean casserole is the best part of Thanksgiving, and if you disagree, we’re gonna have to take this outside.” Outside we go then, Buzzfeed. Green bean casserole is only the second best thing about Thanksgiving. The first is spiced apple rings. Oddly enough, my least favorite part of the Thanksgiving meal is the turkey. Bland bird. I’d prefer steak or pizza.
- And you know why they invented green bean casserole, right? Because without the mushroom soup and delicious Durkee onion pieces, green beans taste like green rubber.
- To the lovely yet formidable Marcia, Thanksgiving this year is being retitled Revenge Day. (If you missed the stunning news, she got into a “situation” with a gigantic tom on the path through the woods near our house a couple of months ago. I don’t want to say she lost the battle but she lost the battle. Sprained ankle, cut toe and a lifelong desire for retribution. She’s looking forward to mocking the turkey on our table this year. It’s gonna be a weird Thanksgiving.)
- I miss liking the Thanksgiving Day parades on TV. But then they killed them decades ago when they added lip-syncing stars and set-piece performances. You don’t stop to perform during a parade. A parade means movement. That’s kinda in the definition of the word parade, y’know?
- Gas prices are dropping as we head into Thanksgiving, which is highly weird. That’s usually when some refinery mysteriously and conveniently springs a leak, causing prices to double. But there’s still time, so …
- So, now that pot is legal, does that mean people will be taking toke breaks at work every hour and a half like they do with cigarettes? And why have smokers always gotten extra time off throughout the day to go indulge their addiction? I’ve never understood that. Made me want to take it up.
- A man in New Jersey who was charged with driving drunk last weekend blamed it on the New York Jets, saying “I drank too much because the Jets suck.” Lions fans are saying, “Decades and decades ahead of ya, pal.”
- Dan Gilbert says he’s not trying to buy the Detroit Tigers. Too bad. They could use new ownership. The Illitch family doesn’t seem to have much interest since dad died. I mean, there’s rebuilding then there’s fan abuse. I’d love to see the Tigers go the route of the Green Bay Packers, who are owned by the fans. (Technically, a publicly owned, non-profit corporation.)
- “There are two great days in a person’s life – the day we are born and the day we discover why.” – William Barclay.
Image credit: Jessica Rossi