Come Heller high water …
- The death of U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia says a lot about us as a country. Mostly it says we’re not very nice. He wasn’t dead five minutes before everyone from presidential candidates on down was arguing over how he should be replaced, as if a human being is just a spare part. C’mon, people, the guy had a family and friends, and it’s a real tragedy that he’s gone, whether you shared his politics or not. (Which I didn’t.) Where’s the period of mourning before we dive into bitter, partisan squabbling again? We can do better.
- I know, I know. It’s hard not to get sucked in. I’m as guilty as anyone. But I’ll give you – and him – a few days before I tell you what I really think of the rotten, little Republican scheme to, in Trump’s words, “delay, delay, delay.” (Rotten, little scheme was a hint.)
- Donald Trump says he might sue Sen. Ted Cruz over where he was born. In response, Cruz is threatening to countersue Trump’s hair over where it was born. My guess: Hair Club for Men.
- Apple is refusing a judge’s order to break into an iPhone used by one of the San Bernardino terrorists, saying to do so would somehow expose its customers to a greater risk of being hacked. Yeah, but doesn’t refusing to break into one phone expose the rest of us to a greater risk of being blown up or shot? Which is worse? This is a dumb move by an otherwise smart company. How long before you see memes with a photo of an iPhone and the words: “The iPhone: Official Cell Phone of Terrorists Everywhere”?
- The NAACP says it will begin “disruptive civil disobedience” if Gov. Snyder doesn’t present a plan in the next 30 days for replacing lead pipes in the city. Great idea but way too generous. There should have been a plan a month ago. Or two months ago. Or three months ago. Or six. Snyder’s response continues to be dirt slow and four beats behind in my view. So you don’t know where they all are yet, so what? Start with the ones you do know about, for crying out loud. Just get moving.
- A new study says Flint’s water was not only toxic but cost more than just about anywhere in the nation. If there’s such a thing as karma, Flint’s going to be paradise some day. C’mon, life, give Flint a break, wouldja?
- I love clear answers, which is why I loved a New York Times article this week that says – definitively – how much exercise you should get. The answer: A lot more than you think. According to the results of two major studies, both announced last week, you should get 150 minutes of moderate exercise a week to live longer and have a 31 percent lower chance of dying. A little less, you get less. A lot more – 450 minutes – earns you a 39 percent lower chance of dying. Got it? Good. Now go move.
- I haven’t been excited about the Detroit Pistons in years but yesterday’s trade for a true power forward – 6-foot-9, 235 pound bad-ass Tobias Harris, formerly of the Orlando Magic – got me jazzed. With him and the rest of their young core, they’re looking like a playoff team for years to come. Go, Van Gundy! It’ll be nice to care again.
- A Florida man was arrested Monday for throwing a 3-foot alligator through a Wendy’s drive-thru window. Sounds horrible but if you live in Florida and they screw up your order for the 12th time, what are supposed to do, right?
- The Detroit Tigers start spring training tomorrow. I repeat: Spring officially begins tomorrow. In Lakeland, Florida, at least. Good enough for me.
- No one asked me but I say the Tigers win the division in a rout. But then I always do.
- Shark attacks hit an all-time high last year. I repeat: An all-time high. And here you thought “Sharknado” was make-believe. Me, I’ll look at the pretty, pretty ocean from the safe, safe beach from now on, thank you very much.
- “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Come Heller high water runs every Wednesday at noon.