Come Heller high water … the September 7th edition

Come Heller high water …

• After months of telling us Clinton was ahead of Trump, a new CNN poll Tuesday said – ta-dah! – Trump now leads. If you’re like me, you were like “Whoa, what the (insert your favorite curse word) happened? Should I start packing for Canada?” The answer is “not yet, but keep the car running.” The sudden flip-flop in the race has more to do with CNN’s poll methodology than reality. According to MSNBC’s Chuck Todd, CNN’s poll “assumes an electorate that we’ve never seen before – whites without a college degree appear to make up nearly half of their sample. In 2012 … whites without a college degree was slightly more than a third of all voters. So when you re-weight the actual CNN numbers to match how the electorate looked in 2012, this same poll would actually have shown Clinton up 4 points.” Still, what is wrong with this nation that Trump is even close enough to appear to lead in any poll, no matter the methodology? That’s what historians will someday study.
• Wanna hear my jiggly-eye conspiracy theory about CNN? They did it on purpose. Really. CNN is only nominally a news organization these days, the way I see it. At the very least, it’s been slowly morphing into a different kind of “news” organization than we’ve ever seen. They seem to selectively cover only news that feeds its never-ending panels of “experts.” Arguing is all they’re interested in. Therefore, a close race behooves them. Thus the screwy poll. You can now resume looking for black helicopters. (Listen, this whacko theory is probably only the product of my sheer loathing for what CNN has done to TV news, but what the heck, food for thought and debate.)
• OK, I also don’t trust polls. (What is with me today?) They’re billed as “scientific” and they’re supposed to have a small margin of error. But if they’re so accurate, why do we bother with elections at all? Why not just poll a thousand people and be done with it – boom, here’s your new president, folks. The answer is because people are human. Humans change their minds constantly. Humans lie to pollsters. Humans don’t bother to show up to the polls. Or they do … enmasse. Which means, in my warped mind, that every poll has a margin of error of 100 percent. The biggest problem with polls these days is that they steer us rather than inform us.
• Dennis, my learned CMU friend, says this: “To all my friends suffering from sneezing, itchy eyes and other seasonal allergy symptoms, goldenrod is not the source of your misery. It is time for my annual PSA (Public Service Announcement) on behalf of the beautiful nectar plant so important to monarch butterflies and a host of other insects as they prepare for winter. The sticky pollen of the goldenrod plant does not become airborne and is not an allergen. Instead, the non-descript and less showy ragweed plant is your nemesis. You’re welcome!”
• I’ve never done the Labor Day Mackinac Bridge walk, but if I ever do I’m going to walk on the lane that makes the sound when you drive on it. (It makes that sound when you walk on it, right?)
• The U.S. government is selling four lighthouses in Michigan. I’m going to buy one and put it in my backyard in retaliation for all the Sunday morning leaf-blowers around me. This could get ugly. But they have it coming. Ah-wooooooo-gah!
• The Detroit Tigers will tank and miss the playoffs. There. I said it. (I don’t really think that but if I say I think they’ll win, they’re sure to lose. I’m pretty powerful that way.)
• When did we lose the light? Prior to Labor Day, I swear it was light from 6 a.m. until 10 p.m. Since Labor Day, it’s 7 a.m. to 8 p.m. What the heck, nature?
• “Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier” – Mother Teresa.