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Come Heller high water … the September 28th edition

September 28, 2017 by Andrew Heller 44 Comments

Come Heller high water …

  • Twitter is doubling the number of characters for tweets from 140 to 280. So if you thought President Trump’s tweets couldn’t get any more nuts, guess again.
  • I think it’s a mistake. Most people can’t be interesting with 140 characters. What makes anyone think they’ll be more interesting with double the space to be dull? Brevity is the soul of all wit. And most writing. They should drop it to 70 if anything. (This paragraph, not including the parenthetical, was 253 characters, in case you were wondering. See how long and flabby that was? I could have dropped the entire second sentence.)
  • If Twitter is looking for improvements, I’d start with getting rid of hashtags. Too many tweets are becoming nothing but gibberish strings of hyperlinks, which at least serve a purpose, and hashtags, which seldom do.
  • Lions fans are in their annual trance. “They’re 2-1, and they’d be 3-0 if not for the refs. This is our year, woooo!” No, it’s not. What Lions fans always forget is they’re the Lions. Clouds are clouds. Cows are cows. The Lions are the Lions. And as such, they will implode at some point. And then all will be right with the universe.
  • France is considering a law to make cat-calling a crime. You can hear half the men in France thinking: “Wait, so women DON’T like that?” When he heard the news, President Trump immediately said he could still get away with it, though, because he’s famous.
  • The CEO of Equifax – which exposed half the nation’s private information to hackers – is retiring with a golden parachute worth $90 million. Of course he is. Ready yet to sign my petition calling for his private information – Social Security number, birthdate, bank account numbers and online passwords – to be printed on billboards coast to coast until the end of his days? I thought so.
  • So, quick question: All you righties upset at NFL players who kneel, did you drop them from your fantasy team yet? Did you watch the games last weekend? Will you watch them this weekend? And how about college – I’ll bet a lot of those guys believe as the pros do and would kneel if they could. You gonna stop living and dying by them, too? Bet not.
  • And why is disrespectful to kneel during the national anthem but OK to wear a flag T-shirt? Or wear a flag patch on your jeans? Or lick a flag stamp? One man’s symbol of patriotism is another man’s fashion statement, I guess.
  • Louisville fired its legendary basketball coach over a bribery scandal. No one is surprised, which should tell you a lot. Fans overlook how dirty top college football and basketball programs can be because to acknowledge it would ruin the fun. My solution: Colleges should universally drop both sports, keeping all the rest, which haven’t been tainted to the degree football and basketball have. Then the pros create a development league where young players can develop and make money instead of being exploited.
  • Saudi Arabia is finally giving women the right to drive, but only on Wednesdays. I have to ask: Why Wednesday? Why not Tuesday? Or Saturday? Someone?
  • “Change your life today. Don’t gamble on the future, act now, without delay.” – Simone de Beauvoir.

Photo credit: Uncalno Tekno

Filed Under: All Columns, Come Heller high water, Humor Tagged With: Andrew Heller, andrewheller.com, Come Heller high water

Comments

  1. Carla says

    September 28, 2017 at 7:26 pm

    Whenever is kneeling a sign of disrespect? I had a Catholic grade school education, which meant daily Mass. Between school and church, I swear I spent a hour a day on one or both knees.

    Reply
    • Andrew Heller says

      September 28, 2017 at 7:29 pm

      Exactly.

      Reply
    • Fred says

      September 28, 2017 at 7:39 pm

      When it’s black people doing it.

      Reply
      • Kathy Fiebig says

        September 28, 2017 at 7:41 pm

        Bingo.

        Reply
      • Carla says

        September 30, 2017 at 3:23 pm

        Cynically spot on! Kudos, Fred

        Reply
  2. Tom says

    September 28, 2017 at 8:15 pm

    Yes! Football and basketball should start minor leagues. We still would have the college sports, just as we still have college baseball and hockey. It would not be exactly the same as it is now, but the college fans might not even notice.

    Reply
  3. Tom says

    September 28, 2017 at 8:18 pm

    Is this true, what you wrote about women only driving on Wednesdays in Arabia? No! Please, say it ain’t so.

    Reply
  4. Fred says

    September 28, 2017 at 8:45 pm

    Maybe Twitter is just giving Trump more rope to hang himself with?

    Reply
  5. Howard Ylinen says

    September 28, 2017 at 8:48 pm

    Kneeling is a sign of death!

    Reply
  6. Jim III says

    September 28, 2017 at 9:49 pm

    so Twitter has doubled the number of characters. One site that I visit on a regular basis claims that some left leaning American hating group is trying to claim that by doubling the character count means that the idiotic kkk and ignorant neo-nazi’s will be able to more rapidly spread their message.
    Hey Andrew if cat calling is illegal in France, why and how did you learn that President Trump made such a comment? Or did you just dream it up in your left leaning, hates anything about President Trump.
    Carla Says that she spent about an hour a day kneeling for religious service at a catholic school/church. If we to apply the same standard of punishment that a catholic student would face for not kneeling, those who protest the anthem would be severely punished. I will leave up to the individual to think about what the punishment would be.
    As to the squabble over the kneeling at the football games, I will not be watching any nfl games or buying any nfl products.
    When those who are crying about police officers targeting blacks and then shooting them, start also making an issue of black on black murder rates, then I would be more willing to listen to them. When they start talking about the number of blacks murdered/killed in Chicago (approximately 500 or so so far in Chicago this year. You add in L.A., Boston and some other democrat run cities, the number is far more higher than the number of blacks killed by police.
    The person that runs the nfl is just a left leaning idiot. He allowed the original protester to wear socks that depicted police officers as pigs, no comment. When Tim Tebow bowed down of one knee and gave God thanks for having won a game, Goodell had a hissy fit and told under nfl rules he could not do that.
    One other thing the nfl rules state that the players be on the field before the national anthem is played, they are to stand, have their helmet in their left hand and have their right hand over their heart. Goodell is ignoring that rule. If you do not believe that, then go and look it up.
    Try wearing a T-shirt with an American flag on it at a California school and you will be told to remove or get kicked out of school for wearing something that offends a certain racial group. However, if you wear the flaf of Mexico, that is ok.
    The only reason that the Saudis are allowing women to drive the cars is because of international pressure. I do not know if it is only on Wednesday or not. But, let the Western world stop keeping an eye on them, they will stop allowing them to drive cars again. Regulate to the status of being barefoot and pregnant, confined to the house unless a male relative is with when they go out in public.

    Reply
    • Teddy Luba says

      September 28, 2017 at 10:09 pm

      I think the religious group of The Latter Day Saints do not stand for the national anthem. Is that ok with you or not?

      Reply
    • Suze says

      September 28, 2017 at 10:47 pm

      No the NFL rule book does not have a rule regards players presence on the field during anthem. Yes I looked it up Sunday night 85pages on line….sad that such a divisive topic , someone thought it was funny or more troublemaking to post a false “rule” that doesn’t exist. There are many sources now on Google clarifying this.

      Reply
      • Fred says

        September 28, 2017 at 11:25 pm

        He just borrowed a tactic from Andy and “dreamed it up” with the rest of his nonsense.

        Reply
    • Brenda Bridgett says

      September 28, 2017 at 11:59 pm

      Jim III. You should stop being so crude and judgemental. I thank Suze for stating the TRUE FACTS correctly. People like you, and your bigoted comments just further divide the country!
      I have discovered the majority of people so concerned about the national anthem issue never served their country AT ALL. Big opinions but no military duty, just like Trumpet!!!

      Reply
    • Tom says

      September 29, 2017 at 5:59 pm

      Jimmy 3, This is a rambling cuckoo post. Please read it over, and limit yourself in the future.

      Reply
  7. Teddy Luba says

    September 28, 2017 at 10:30 pm

    Just got done watching Ken Burns Vietnam on PBS. I think our country is living that era again. Sad, so sad, when we judge some ones love for this country if they stand or not during the anthem. That person knelling may have more love for country than you. We have much bigger problems than judging our citizens. I would suggest that if President Trump loves this country so much he best start bringing it together. So far, he’s worried more about his supporters than anything else.

    Reply
    • Fred says

      September 28, 2017 at 11:27 pm

      Crap I missed it.

      Reply
      • Karen Swan says

        September 29, 2017 at 8:38 pm

        It is being replayed on PBS this Saturday or you can watch it online at pbs.org

        Reply
  8. Tired of the BS says

    September 28, 2017 at 11:23 pm

    Wow. Jim III hit almost every FOX News talking point in one post.

    Reply
  9. Jim III says

    September 29, 2017 at 7:59 am

    Brenda Bridgett I have quite a few years of military service. Attained the rank of Sergent First Class (E-7). A lot of those supporting these spoiled brats for not standing for the anthem have never served in the military. I do not think that tom says, fred, brenda, and Andrew Heller have never served in the military.
    Martin Luther King Jr. was a republican registered voter who probably would not condone the way the nfl players show their sign of protesting. MLK and his followers had and still continue to have more honor by the way they protested, than those who are protesting today.
    Teddy Luba says, sounds like a left leaning religious hating bigot by stating that members of The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter day Saints do not stand for the playing of the national anthem.
    They DO STAND for the national anthem when it is played. There is nothing in their doctrine or church documents stating that they are not to stand for the anthem. The true fact is they are encouraged to stand and show respect to the Constitution and the Flag.
    One of the talking points that I am not “dreaming up” is the black on black murder rate in Chicago. Can Andrew Heller and the rest of his left leaning followers deny that the black on black body count is nearly or more than 500 murders this year alone? It seems to be one of those issues that the lame stream media is ignoring. They push issues like this nfl protests. Distraction is the name of the game.
    For Carla says, The act of kneeling during a religious ceremony is not the same thing as not kneeling for the anthem. If you would have not knelt during the religious ceremony that, maybe, would have been seen by the priests and nuns as an act of defiance against God, you probably been punished somehow.
    These anthem kneeling protesters will not be punished for what they are doing, except by those who will not buy tickets to the games and no longer buy nfl gear.
    One good thing is that they are after these presidential appointees who are chartering private jets on our dime to fly home. President Trump has stated that he is going to look into the matter. We will see if see does on or not. Those appointees need to pay back what the flights cost. You cannot criticize the democrats for doing that, then turn around and do the same thing your self.
    There is no need for these political appointees to charter a private jet at all.

    Reply
    • Teddy Luba says

      September 29, 2017 at 9:20 am

      I’m sorry Jim III, I was wrong. I wrote that I think It was the Latter Day Saints but it’s the Jehovah Witnesses that don’t stand for the flag. Now for me that’s fine and their right but I’d like to know your view. As far as being a bigot, I’m not. Left leaning no but common sense yes. As far as your service thank you, especially if you served in a war zone. How can you as a former serviceman be so supportive of a draft dodger?

      Reply
  10. Jims says

    September 29, 2017 at 8:52 am

    Just stop playing the anthem before sporting events. Problem solved!!! (Sarcasm) some people won’t get it.

    Reply
  11. Jim III says

    September 29, 2017 at 11:04 am

    Bill Clinton was a draft dodger and a lot of democrats voted for him
    along with far too many politicians of both political parties who came up with all sorts of reasons not to serve in the military.
    When I was assigned to work with NATO units in Germany, I primarily worked with the British Army I also worked a little bit with the Dutch, Belgiums, Germans and the French. I remember talking with this one medic at a clinic, who would have been considered to be a draft dodger in America. He joined the British Army because he could not find a job in England. So he joined the army. He stated that he did not want to carry a weapon or serve in a combat unit. He was trained to be a medic. He received enough training in handling a weapon on how to disarm a loaded weapon. At that point in time, I think, he had been in the army about 5 years or so. He was happy just being a medic. As a side note he also was openly gay. What happened to him I do not know. Did he serve long enough to draw a pension, I do not know.
    The number of years you had to serve in order to get a pension was 22 years. It has been over 44 years since I spoke to that man. A lot of combat units were ordered to send members of their units to Northern Ireland. That was why he did not want to be in a combat unit. One unit that I had dealings with was in NI in 1972. The year the British army calls “bloody 72”. They had one officer and 5 enlisted killed in NI.
    If the Jehovah Witnesses do want to stand or say the pledge of Allegiance, that is their religious right to do so. However, it is a religious doctrine of theirs. The nfl kneelers are not doing it on religious grounds. Those who go to ball games or whatever do not go to see political statements being made. They want to forget about events going on in the world for a few hours. If the players want to protest then they can do on their own time, not on the time someone is paying to see them play.
    For your information, Sara Palin never said that she could see Russia from her front porch. It was tina fey who made that statement while she was on SNL. The left leaning media played it up big time. Sarah Palin made the comment on seeing Russia when she was at the tip of Alaska that is about 3 miles from Russia.

    Reply
    • Fred says

      September 29, 2017 at 11:19 am

      Nobody asked for your life story. You were asked why do you support a draft dodging president? Nobody is talking about Bill Clinton, we are talking about the current president Donald Trump, that guy. Can you answer that question?

      Then when you are done answer this one. Why do you support a president who constantly ridicules a former P.O.W. who refused to be released from a North Vietnamese P.O.W. camp until everyone of his American buddies was released first. Who endured savage beating for the 5 years he was held there.
      At a rally in Alabama last week, Donald Trump had everyone openly booing this former P.O.W. and several times throughout his campaign he ridiculed him and claimed he is not a hero.
      So I am just curious, as a patriotic American who served our country, how can you become so enraged over some black athletics kneeling during the National Anthem which many claim is disrespecting our armed forces, but not at the insults directed towards an actual member of the armed forced who was a P.O.W. in a North Vietnamese prison camp for 5 years?

      Reply
  12. Jim III says

    September 29, 2017 at 2:18 pm

    Fred, I do not think that McCain was a hero. His P.O.W. buddies had a very low opinion of McCain.
    They, the P.O.W.s, called him the songbird. McCain disobeyed orders on his last mission at which altitude they were to fly over North Vietnam. I do not know what altitude they were supposed to be at, but McCain was well below that limit. He got shot down because he thought that he knew more than those who ordered his flight to stay above a certain altitude. He was spared a disciplinary hearing and action because his grand-father and his father were admirals in the navy. That and the fact that President Nixon issued a blanket pardon to the P.O.W.s that were tortured by the NVA while they were in the Hanoi Hilton.
    He runs as a republican, but, votes like a democrat.
    I am not enraged about these athletes kneeling while the national anthem. I just think that they are using the wrong venue to do so.
    As far as I am concerned there is no difference between slick willie and President Trump. They were both draft dodgers. I would have rather voted for some of the other republicans that were running for election. Instead the republicans formed a circular firing squad and shot each other down. That left President Trump as the front runner. Then that led to choosing either President Trump or voting for hilliary. The Russians had no influence on my not voting for hilliary. Her past record starting with the Watergate hearings and her history after wards convinced a lot of fly over country Americans to not vote for her. I have been listening to hilliary and moochelle obama talking about women not voting for hilliary. They are making very nasty comments about women who did not for hilliary. I am not going to list them. Traitors to women everywhere is their basic theme to say the least.

    Reply
    • Fred says

      September 29, 2017 at 3:07 pm

      Who are you and what have you done with Jim III?
      This is the first coherent comment I have read from you in all the months I have been participating on this blog. I don’t know what is going on, but whatever it is keep it up please, because if you do we can have a real conversation about our differences.

      Reply
    • Fred says

      September 30, 2017 at 10:31 am

      Since you have such a low opinion of Democrats and such a low opinion of John McCain, who did you vote for in the 2008 election? Be honest.

      Reply
  13. NativeOfMichigan says

    September 29, 2017 at 2:30 pm

    A day in the office of Bob Mueller.
    ding…..ding…..ding,
    He hears someone spilling the beans.

    A day at the Oval Office.
    drip…..drip…..drip,
    Poor Donnie, his feet are getting wet.

    Reply
  14. Jims says

    September 29, 2017 at 2:36 pm

    So why is my son- in- law livid over the kneeling? Afghanistan Proud Marine veteran??? These guys fought for that flag as so did my father a WWII veteran. Sorry folks but I am a liberal and I don’t agree with the kneeling. Yes you have the right to protest but do it in a respectful way. I would love to know what the nfl and these players are doing to protest besides the knelling? Probably go home and forget about it. If it’s not about the flag or the national anthem than why do it then. Ya I get the attention thing but it’s just making things worse.

    Reply
    • Fred says

      September 29, 2017 at 3:03 pm

      Can you point out a better way to draw attention to your grievance than to do it on national tv with millions of eyes on you?

      I am sorry your family feels so disrespected by those kneeling to the National Anthem, but they really shouldn’t. Rather they should be sad that it has come to this and ask themselves what is so wrong in this country and how can we fix it?

      I really don’t appreciate the way some people are saying the Flag and the Anthem are all about the military. Does the flag and the Anthem not apply to every American citizen?

      The kneeling is on par with hanging the flag upside down as a sign of distress and that is all these players are trying to highlight. There is distress in this country and let’s please stop ignoring it.

      Let’s also stop trying to simplify the protests by calling them disrespectful conduct against our armed forces. I think any reasonable person knows that is not true and is just avoiding the deeper underlying issues.

      Reply
      • Jims says

        September 29, 2017 at 3:31 pm

        I do agree with you Fred. My point is there are better channels to do this through. Like I said before what are these guys doing after the protests to help the cause.? Again I get the attention it gets but these guys are truly offended. And as far as the anthem and flag apply to all citizens ? Sure it does and that’s what these guys fought for. It’s not offending the veterans, it’s offending the reason they went to war to make it possible for these guys to do what they do. Find a different way donate some of the millions they make to educate people not divide the country farther. That is why you got trump elected in the first place. And I am sure my son-in-law is a very reasonable person. And he is very offended. I thank all veterans for what they did to preserve that flag and what it stands for. I am just saying find a better way cause this one isn’t working.

        Reply
        • Tom says

          September 29, 2017 at 6:04 pm

          Yeah. Maybe quietly aiding some good causes. Just helping somebody. Probably not necessary to get public recognition. Kind of like the old Pharisee praying too loudly.

          Reply
          • Teddy Luba says

            September 29, 2017 at 7:27 pm

            If President Trump didn’t bring this up we would not be discussing this at all. Why would a draft dodger question someone disrespecting the flag when he disrespected his country? When the Nazis where carrying their flag in the march did President Trump tell the son of a ——– to get out? No… How about the confederate flag, it has no business being flown. They lost the war that they started to break the union. But we have free speech in this country and must put up with this crap. President Trump does not have the right or authority to pick and choose who he deems is patriotic. The constitution does. When he gets that in his head we will all be better off.

        • Fred says

          September 29, 2017 at 7:06 pm

          You are right. People with money should just donate and leave the protesting to the poor people. Or maybe there is just no right way for black people to protest. If they do it in the streets they are called thugs, if they do at a football game they are called ungrateful sons of bitches. But hey at least they can always quietly donate and help educate people behind the scenes so the rest of us aren’t offended and can go on our merry ways pretend everything is hokie dory.

          Reply
  15. NativeOfMichigan says

    September 29, 2017 at 2:57 pm

    Need to double the size of the looney bin:

    Twitter-de-dee, Twitter-de-dee,
    The Dump tweets in his sewer with glee,
    Says the Dump, says he,
    “Will you twitter with me,
    And follow me into my sewer, please, please?”
    Twitter-de-dee, Twitter-de-dum,
    “It’s fun to tweet and treat them like scum!”

    Reply
  16. Tom says

    September 29, 2017 at 6:06 pm

    We probably should just go ahead and change the national anthem to, “The Saints Go Marching In,” or, “Louie Louie.” That might change this discussion.

    Reply
    • Fred says

      September 29, 2017 at 6:22 pm

      I can get behind Louie Louie. Way to liven this place up!

      https://youtu.be/4V1p1dM3snQ

      Reply
  17. Karen Swan says

    September 29, 2017 at 9:28 pm

    This is the backstory from “Army Times” as to why Colin Kaepernick takes a knee. Some people, including the President, should read this.

    https://www.armytimes.com/opinion/2016/08/30/an-open-letter-to-colin-kaepernick-from-a-green-beret-turned-long-snapper/?at-trending

    Reply
  18. Jims says

    September 30, 2017 at 9:14 am

    Kaepernick got blackballed by the NFL because of the knee. So now you see the unity by the owners and Roger Goodell. Hypocrites?

    Reply
    • Teddy Luba says

      September 30, 2017 at 12:31 pm

      Jim you got to wonder if these white quarter backs are showing unity because they are worried if they don’t they will get clobbered. A lot of black linemen out there who may not feel the need to protect their quarter back if he doesn’t support them. Just a thought.

      Reply
      • Jims says

        September 30, 2017 at 1:42 pm

        Probably right. I just think it’s funny how they alienated him when he did it, now he’s a hero. I guess it’s the fashionable thing to do now. Where we these owners when the guy needed a job? He was poison and they new it. They were very afraid of what the fans would do. There bottom line is money.

        Reply
        • Teddy Luba says

          September 30, 2017 at 2:20 pm

          Your right Jim. Greed will change your mind faster than anything.

          Reply
  19. Tom says

    September 30, 2017 at 6:08 pm

    The next time I go bowling with my wife and my pal Mike, I am going to go down on one knee, and hum “The Star-Spangled Banner.” Nobody will notice, not even Mike. Just as nobody notices when I try to help little kids learn to read.

    Please, everybody, just quietly do what you can do to help. Please do NOT look for recognition. Please just help.

    Reply
  20. Jim III says

    October 1, 2017 at 5:30 pm

    Go read the Tank McNamara comic strip in today’s Sunday edition of the Flint Journal.
    I do not need to add any comment at this time. He says quite a bit in 2 panels.

    Reply

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