Come Heller high water …
- Something must be wrong with local TV stations across the state. They haven’t – that I’ve seen – come up with a snappy, doomsday nickname for today’s big snowstorm. Perhaps they’ve just run out. If so, we must help them. I nominate “Snowsaster 2016.” Or “Snowrilla.” No good? Let’s hear yours then, genius.
- Whether you agree or not with the Republican Party, you have to admit their presidential candidates are damned entertaining. For instance, poor Ben Carson, who may drop out before this sentence is done, said this week President Obama was “raised white.” It’s a bit sad to be
- running against a termed-out president when you’re fifth in your own party’s primary. Your cart’s waaay before your horse there, doc. But beyond that I thought the whole problem Republicans had with Obama is he’s a black Muslim who was born in Kenya? Did the narrative shift when I wasn’t looking? I wish they’d issue updates or something. Then you had Donald Trump, who said the following after winning in Nevada: “We won with the poorly educated. I love the poorly educated!” I didn’t know that was a demographic, much less one they measure. I wonder if the people who are in it know they’re in it. I’m picturing Trump supporters all over Nevada thinking, “Wait, is he talking about me?” And finally you had Ted Cruz firing his communication director for an ad that changed a Marco Rubio comment about a staffer reading a Bible from “Got a good book there, all the answers are in there” to “Got a good book there, not many answers in it.” Just a slight difference. If I were a Republican, I’d start demanding a “None of the Above” box on the ballot. Where are all the grown-ups? Only one I see is Kasich, and if he keeps up with that “women left their kitchen” stuff, women are going to start holding signs that say, “The 1950s called, they want their male chauvinist pig back.”
- After the oldest sorority at the University of Michigan was disbanded by its national chapter, University of Michigan President Mark Schlissel said unless sororities and fraternities rein in the booze culture students “may want to stop joining them.” He also said, “There is a culture problem not only among students of Greek life but significantly inside of Greek life having to do with the overuse of alcohol, which really does need to be moderated.” He’s wrong about a party culture turning people away. That’s why many people join. But he’s right about the booze. It’s way over the top. But where has he been for the past 30 years or more? Heck, it was that way when I went to college back in 1979. This isn’t a new problem. Disbanding chapters isn’t the answer. The answer is adult supervision. Bring back house moms with giant wood spoons and a hair-trigger for using them. That’ll fix it. That would fix anything. Including Congress.
- The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission has declared hover boards “unsafe.” It took them months to figure this out? Apparently they’ve never watched “America’s Funniest Home Videos.” Wait ’til they find out they don’t hover either. They are going to be so surprised.
- A study out of England says horses can read our facial expressions. I think that’s true. The first and last horse I was on clearly saw the look of terror on my face and decided galloping was in order. I’m sure that got a laugh back at the barn that night when he was standing around with all the other horses: “Did you see his face? Priceless! And the way he kept screaming ‘Stop! Whoa! Stop!?” Stupid horses.
- A CNN Money report says ISIS is running short on money. Does that mean layoffs are coming? Do terrorists have unemployment insurance? Are there want ads for blood-thirsty killers? Job retraining seminars? Maybe we need to send them aid.
- “Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.
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