Perhaps you are under the impression that summers are fun and carefree, especially for kids.
Perhaps you are incorrect.
As a longtime connoisseur of scare journalism (“Next on News 4: What you don’t know about suntan lotion can kill you”), I feel it’s my duty to alert you to a heretofore undiscovered hazard of summer, which I read about in a Wall Street Journal column.
As part of a larger piece on the clear and present danger that is summer, columnist Lenore Skenazy referenced a terrifying blog from KidsTravelDoc.com, which said: “Remember when digging in the sand at the beach was a fun activity for young children? Sorry. No more. Based on recent findings, only with lots of do’s and don’ts is frolicking in the sand a healthy activity, says the U.S. Environmental Protective [sic] Agency.”
The blog’s author, a pediatrician with the American Academy of Pediatrics, writes that studies show children who play in the sand are more likely to become ill than children just walking on it. “And the risk of illness increases with digging in the sand, being buried in it, and digging in wet sand.”
If you’re a parent who’s thinking, well, I’ll just have junior dig in dry sand then, please turn your parenting card in to the proper authorities immediately, because, according to the blog, “Dry sand presents problems, too. Discourage children from lying directly on the sand.”
The only problem with this wonderful safety-infused article is it doesn’t go far enough. There are many other summer activities in which I partook as a youth (this was in the days before safety was invented) that can cause injury and death – sometimes both. As a public service, I came up a list:
- Playing Frisbee – Playing Frisbee can be a fun, harmless activity but only if you’re good at catching it, which some kids aren’t, leading to a condition that I just made up called “Frisbee mouth,” wherein a Frisbee becomes lodged in your mouth after your fingers snap shut an instant too late. This happened to me at least once a summer. I’m lucky to still have teeth. Don’t let your kids suffer as I did.
- Playing Jarts – Back in the day, Jarts was a lawn game purchased by parents who had too many children and wanted to get rid of a few. (My parents, for instance, had six, which was clearly way more than humans should be allowed.) Jarts were, well, they were basically daggers of death that kids would be entrusted to toss back and forth, allegedly with the aim of landing them in a circle, scoring points and winning a game. Of course kids are kids and kids would inevitably become bored and take to winging them at one another, which my brothers and I did frequently, although oddly enough none of us ever died doing this. But some other kids did supposedly, which is why Jarts are now banned and you can’t buy them, so really I had no business bringing them up in the first place. But you get the larger point: Doing stuff is dangerous. Better to not.
- Firecrackering mailboxes – OK, yes, I did this on occasion with my hoodlum friends. We never got hurt doing it, except for the time my dad got a call from a neighbor who for some reason didn’t appreciate having a blackened mailbox, after which I couldn’t sit for a week. So don’t let your kids do this either.
- Swimming within half an hour of eating – I was warned against doing this every single day of every single summer throughout childhood. And I never did suffer the dreaded cramps and drown because of it. But it doesn’t mean your kids won’t. So also don’t let them do this.
In fact, you really shouldn’t let them swim at all. Or do anything else that involves the outdoors or sunshine. Video games are much safer. Encourage those. You’ll be glad you did.
Image credit: David Barrie
Hilarious!! I think I’ll take my chances, since I was at the beach a month ago in Florida & hubby & I are just fine!
Hilarious, Andrew, but this time I’m not sharing: I have some FB acquaintances who would mistake your sarcasm for reality and act accordingly.
‘Tis a scary world we now live in…
Sarcasm? Me?
Just last week I broke a fingernail playing frisbee with my son! To make matters worse, I did indeed get hit in the face, full force, by a flying frisbee this past Saturday. I nearly keeled over because my ribs hurt so bad from laughing following the incident. Indeed, frisbee is a dangerous activity, I’m lucky I survived with my teeth intact.
Be sure to always close your mouth when playing Frisbee.
I go SCUBA diving with sharks. Who am I to tell kids they can’t dig in sand or play with jarts?
Anybody else ever play war with Roman Candles as artillery?
Yup, I did that.
All the “Fun stuff” taken away is so sad BUT without supervision accidents do happen. That said, your saying that Lawn Jarts had been banned prompted my “inquiring minds want to know” mode and I just had to search for Lawn Jarts. I found several sets of the “daggers of death” for sale as “Vintage” items. The newer ones are now made with blunt tips so as not to be used as daggers on your opponents. LOL Good column today. Thanks for the laughs.
Good golly. Molly how did the people of my age survive to adulthood.
when i was young we did all sorts things that would be considered dangerous today. OK, some of he things we did were dangerous, if our parents found out about what we did.
I am not going to list them, but, just say that they were dangerous.
Most them involved go-carts, motor cycles, lawnmowers, farm tractors, farm equipment, cars that did not have keys in the ignition, and a few other things.
As one of the hosts of Mystery Science 2000 series once said “life is dangerous, anyone, anywhere can die at any time” or words to that effect.
Remember this also ” all food for you is bad for you, no matter how healthy,
good or whatever you are going to die from eating food. Just do not go overboard on the cookies and ice cream.”
otherwise just enjoy life, ignore the doomsayers about what is supposedly not good for you.
Do what the grownups tell you you shouldn’t is my preferred philosophy. Grownups are boring.
One of the trolls wrote okay today, as if he actually might a human being. The other troll was even more cuckoo than usual. We could not even understand what he was trying to tell us.
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A bit off topic, but, I just read an article that the democrats in Detroit have moved a whole bunch of money from the School funds and I do believe the parks and recreation departments to fund the new sports arena in downtown Detroit.
The democrats wonder why they cannot get someone with common sense to vote for them. The schools are deep ion the red of about 500 million dollars.
The democrats send the money to help fleece the taxpayers to help pay for a stadium that most people cannot afford to attend.
Where is the link to this article?
Let me know if you want the link to the article about Republicans wanting to pass a bill that will cut 800 Billion Dollars from Medicaid that some of the those Detroitors you care about so much rely on.