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Come Heller high water … the CBD edition

July 9, 2019 by Andrew Heller 26 Comments

Come Heller high water …

  • Before I get started, a quick disclosure: This column contains CBD oil. Why? Because I’m pretty sure that by law everything has to contain it nowadays. My problem is I have no idea what it is or what it’s supposed to do. Please don’t enlighten me. I prefer blissful ignorance.
  • Scratch that. My stoner friend from high school just texted me that CBD is great for pain and doesn’t contain TGIF or TLC or whatever you call the Jeff Spicoli ingredient in pot.
  • What do you mean, “Who is Jeff Spicoli?” He’s the kid who orders pizza in Mr. Hand’s class in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High.” You know, Sean Penn’s best role ever. A finer portrayal of a stoner there has never been. Duuude!
  • Please, I’m not going to feel sorry for Rick Snyder because the people of Flint and beyond took to social media to lambast Harvard for inviting him to teach there. Snyder, who ultimately withdrew, called the hue and outcry a “lack of civility.” I call it the very least that could happen to a guy whose administration poisoned a city. Even after he knew, Gov. Relentless Positive Action still didn’t bother to fix the problem. Maybe he mean Reluctant Positive Action. All I know is five years later, Flint still suffers and many still don’t trust the water. What was Snyder going to teach at Harvard, anyway, how not to govern?
  • The 90-year-old billionaire founder of Home Depot is willing most of his fortune to build centers to help disabled veterans, which is great. But I won’t be shopping at Home Depot in the future because he’s also planning to support Trump in next year’s election. Sorry if that offends you. But if he gets to decide where his money goes, I do, too. And none of it is going to anyone who is supporting the closest thing to a dictator we’ve ever had.
  • Speaking of Il Duce, he tweeted a fake quote Tuesday by Ronald Reagan where Reagan says of Trump, whom he met long, long ago: “For the life of me, and I’ll never know how to explain it, when I met that young man, I felt like I was the one shaking hands with the president.” Seriously, what is wrong with Trump? It’s an undeniably false quote. So why use it? My guess is he tweeted it to divert attention from his census defeat and Jeffrey Epstein. That’s the Trump M.O. The more worried or annoyed about something he is, the faster the dumb tweets fly.
  • I never, ever read sports stories with headlines that say, “Here’s how to watch tonight’s game.” I don’t need to be taught how to watch a game, thank you very much. I already know how to open my eyes.
  • I wasn’t planning to go see the live action “Little Mermaid” movie when it comes out. I did my time with kid’s movies when I had kids. But I’m going to go see it now just because of the bigots and trolls online who were hashtag griping about a black woman playing Ariel. I have no idea who Halle Bailey is but I’m rooting for her to rock the role. It amazes me what people find time to get riled about.
  • Wait, why did Al Avila deserve a contract extension from the Detroit Tigers? The team is awful for the third straight year. It’s pretty clear the rebuild is a sham. He has poor player judgment (Jordan Zimmerman was one of the worst free agent signings in history), a poor trading history, and a poor minor league system. So what exactly are the Tigers seeing here? Probably a willingness to parrot the Ilitch family line that this is a rebuild when in fact it’s just cutting payroll in advance of selling the team.
  • “If it could only be like this always—always summer, always alone, the fruit always ripe.” – Evelyn Waugh

Filed Under: All Columns, Come Heller high water Tagged With: andrewheller.com, Come Heller high water

Comments

  1. Matthew says

    July 9, 2019 at 8:48 pm

    Only one comment category: Have you noticed that James McCann of the White Sox is in the All-Star Game? That same James McCann was with the Tigers, but they gave up on him, just let him go. Now he is an All-Star! Typical Tigers management move.

    And, a baseball fan might notice that ex-Tigers Justin Verlander and J.D. Martinez are starting in the All-Star Game. And, maybe you might have read that the Tigers management try to assert that the Tigers are better off without them!!! Preposterous!

    Reply
  2. bookieb says

    July 9, 2019 at 9:03 pm

    Why are you surprised about The Liar in Chief putting out a fake quote from Reagan. He does that kind of thing every day. Lie, fib, exaggerate, make-it-up as you go. Very little truth or accuracy comes out of his mouth.

    Reply
  3. Matthew says

    July 9, 2019 at 10:30 pm

    Back to baseball: I have decided not to be Mr. Negative, all the time. That former Tiger I mentioned above, James McCann, just got a hit that contributed to a run for the American League. Hooray! Great job! I root for James McCann. To heck with the Tigers.

    Reply
  4. Adam says

    July 10, 2019 at 6:52 pm

    I don’t know bookieb.

    He did say ” If Ivanka weren’t my daughter perhaps I’d be dating her.”

    That’s probably a true statement…

    Reply
    • Andrew Heller says

      July 11, 2019 at 9:18 pm

      All-time creepiest comment by anyone ever.

      Reply
  5. Adam says

    July 10, 2019 at 11:59 pm

    Oh, and then, as opposed to the infamous “locker room talk” that he reportedly thought was casual and restricted to the present audience, there’s this gem from a 1994 broadcast of Lifestyle of the Rich and Famous when he said of his one year old daughter Tiffany, when he knew the cameras were rolling for footage to be broadcast:

    “Well, I think she’s got a lot of Marla, she’s a really beautiful baby,” said Trump, who was sat next to Maples. “She’s got Marla’s legs. We don’t know whether or not she’s got this part yet, but time will tell,” Trump added, while cupping his hands to his chest to indicate breasts.

    There, see? That statement, the one where he’s speculating about the how well his one year old infant daughter’s breasts will develop?

    That, that was a true statement from his mouth. Time I’m sure did tell him. Posterity will report if it was to his satisfaction. This is in contrast to you, and Abner, who may have daughters, me and Andy who do have daughters, and most every other normal man on the planet that has a daughter that couldn’t fricken fathom speculating how big our little one year old daughter’s boobs would end up being…

    Seriously, consider what you’re defending when you lend your personal integrity to defending this man… You don’t get your integrity back when he’s gone.

    Reply
    • Andrew Heller says

      July 11, 2019 at 9:18 pm

      Yeah, he’s a gem, isn’t he? Can you imagine any other president getting away with this stuff.

      Reply
  6. Rockin' Jake says

    July 11, 2019 at 7:46 pm

    It seems everyone is forgetting Jose Iglesias. He batting .282, 6 Hr’s, and 33RBI’s. Not bad for a minor league signing.

    Reply
    • Andrew Heller says

      July 11, 2019 at 9:17 pm

      Great point. They’d be bad with McCann and Iglesias but they’d be a lot better. People forget the great players they let go or traded too – like Eugenio Suarez, who has 20 homers this year. Fiers. Robbie Ray. Even Anibal is doing well.

      Reply
  7. Matthew says

    July 11, 2019 at 10:58 pm

    Right on! Jose, and all those pitchers the Tigers gave up on over the past ten years, who have gone on to help other teams! Please, don’t get me started.

    Reply
  8. Fred says

    July 13, 2019 at 9:30 am

    I am beganing to realize that we all completely misunderstood Trump when he said, “We will be winning so much, you will get tired of winning”. What he actually said was that he will be “whining so much”.

    I am definitely getting tired of it. All he does is whines and he certainly isn’t winning; no wall, no census question; North Korea still has nuked; Obama Care was not repealed “on day one.”, just to list a few of his more obviously LOSSES.

    His policies seem to get blocked by the courts almost every month, because he is so clueless about the law and how the government works, and he certainly doesn’t surround himself with “the best people” who do know these things. Or, he doesn’t listen to them because he is so arrogant.

    Let’s make sure that we elect an adult in 2020. Trump can spend the rest of his years whining on Fox News about how he was robbed. Nobody, but his adoring cult following will pay attention to him over there. Peace and quiet for the rest of us.

    Reply
  9. Matthew says

    July 13, 2019 at 5:07 pm

    Totally different topic: The Prince and Princess in Britain named their new baby Archie. Odd, to say the least, from my point of view.

    However, USA Today reports that Archie is the most popular name for baby boys, so far in 2019. I have this question:

    Did Prince Harry and Princess Meagan start this trend? Or, was the Archie trend already there? Did they just join in? Archie??? Jughead?

    Reply
  10. Adam says

    July 13, 2019 at 7:12 pm

    Archie:

    https://www.today.com/parents/all-about-archie-why-it-s-perfect-american-british-name-t153767

    Reply
  11. Brad says

    July 14, 2019 at 8:09 pm

    Thanks to the Tacoma WA. police for blowing away the leftist domestic terrorist brandishing a rifle and igniting incendiary devices at the local I.C.E. facility. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. SALUTE!

    Reply
  12. Adam says

    July 15, 2019 at 6:34 pm

    Definitely.

    Further endangerment of the people being interned there would be heaping tragedy upon tragedy.

    Reply
  13. Fred says

    July 15, 2019 at 6:56 pm

    Trump’s racist attacks on four congresswomen are just his latest efforts to distract us from the fact that he caved on the census question because he is weak. He would rather be known as a racist than weak. That is how despicable he is. Plus he is nervous about the Mueller testimony next week. However, I am skeptical that anything will come out that. So don’t get your hope up either. Just vote these people out.

    Reply
  14. Adam says

    July 15, 2019 at 11:44 pm

    He’s not doing it to distract, he’s doing to because he is at his core a racist.

    He’s the first modern presidential candidate to be publicly endorsed by the Ku Klux Klan.

    Think about that. Publicly. Certainly the Klan had their preference in every election, both national and local, but they eventually learned through losses that publicizing it in the modern age would have the effect of actually harming their candidate, so they kept their endorsements limited to those closed-lipped groups that would accept them but wouldn’t publicize them.

    Trump was the first modern candidate where they felt that their public endorsement would actually help>/i> him rather than hinder him. David Duke publicly endorsed Trump throughout the election. Trump, who lived through the eighties like the rest of us, pretended not to know who David Freaking Duke was when he was asked about him. (sprain inducing eyeroll)

    Sure enough, he proved to be their man. When actual Nazis with actual swastika armbands actually chanted “Jews will not replace us”, he stated that there were fine people on both sides of the argument.

    (Protip: Fine people don’t stand shoulder to shoulder with actual goddamn Nazis)

    When addressing immigration, he decried immigrants from “shithole” countries from Africa and specifically Haiti, and actually said we needed to get more immigrants from Norway… you know, the whitest damn county on the planet.

    Seriously, what more do you need than that?

    More? Ok, look up full page ad for the Central Park Five, look at how he made a brain surgeon that happened to be black the head of Housing and Urban Development, look at how he tells “The Squad” to go back to where they came from, yet completely ignores white Democratic Congressmen Brendon Boyle from Philadelphia who has also been critical of him, then review and compare the number of Muslim extremist incidents of terror and compare them to the white supremacist terror incidents of the last three years, and observe which ones Trump commented on. Then look at how he said a judge that was an American citizen by birth couldn’t judge a case involving him because his parents were Mexican.

    Then…, then…

    Seriously, you’re not still trying to pretend that Trump isn’t a flaming racist, are you??

    Really!?!?!?!?

    Look, its ok, he is. We know he is. You know he is.

    Just stop pretending what you’re supporting. Vote for him and admit what you are when you do so,

    We all know, its ok, we accept what you are, you are sadly, part of us. Do the healthy thing and accept it yourself,

    Reply
  15. Adam says

    July 15, 2019 at 11:50 pm

    Agh, screwed up the HTML formatting. Sorry folks, didn’t mean to italicize beyond “help”

    Readability is definitely hampered.

    Again, apologies, an inability to edit limits my ability to correct formatting.

    Hopefully my message can overcome my HTML ineptitude.

    Reply
  16. Fred says

    July 16, 2019 at 6:16 am

    I am well aware of Trump’s history of racist rhetoric and he is definitely racist to the core. You should read my earlier comments, especially the one on the Charlottesville incident. However, Trump has a pattern of becoming noticably more unhinged than normal when there is something else going on that he perceives makes him look worse to the people who matter to him.

    He is embarrassed about his census question defeat, his lack of progress on his stupid wall and several other recent failures and controversies. Then he is nervous about Mueller’s testimony. He doesn’t want these topics to dominate the headlines. That literally scares him.

    All he needs to do is attack brown people and thus control the headlines once again. I don’t think he necessarily does this consciously with that intent. It’s a defense mechanism that is driven by fear and his desperate need for adolation and approval from white people.

    That’s why he is going to keep stuffing brown people into cages at the border and ripping brown kids from their parents, because his base LOVES that. The only thing that would make them happier is if Trump invited them to use the detained refugees for target practice, right Brad?

    Think about it, what else is going on everytime he starts a twitter rant against brown people? Don’t those damaging stories fade into the background rather quickly? Trump doesn’t consider his racism to be damaging. He actually believes it makes him look good. So the more of that taking up the headlines, as opposed to his other blunders, the better.

    He is certainly doing a good job at dividing the country in the process. Then he can sit back and watch the chaos he created unfold with glee and with the approval of his supporters, who will quickly give him a pass for not delivering on his promises. So a win/win for Trump.

    I have little doubt that the Trump supporting commentators on this site drool when Trump attacks brown people. They are the worst of America and I am looking forward to driving them back under the rocks from which they slithered after 2020.

    Trump needs to be defeated by a landslide. Leave no room for discussion. Just destroy him. We need to give a strong message that we are not Trump.

    Reply
  17. Adam says

    July 16, 2019 at 5:05 pm

    BTW, that “You” in my post was a general You, aimed people that vote Trump voters, not, you, Fred.

    Should have been clearer when I wrote it, but was already late for bed and was rushing.

    And I agree with everything you said.

    Reply
  18. Brad says

    July 17, 2019 at 10:51 am

    Wow Freddie, you just doubled down on your racist nature with this post. In an attempt to virtue signal, you discuss ‘brown’ kids being ripped away from parents, while ignoring the white, Asian, Native American kids who are also separated from criminal parents or guardians. Sadly, you’re racism supercedes any empathy for the children of those OTHER races, but your bigotry is noted.

    Question …… where was the angst and tears when President Barry was holding these ‘brown’ kids in cages at the border? Nothing but the chirping of crickets in the night. The silence was golden. Freddie, you’re vaudeville show was equal parts racist and hypocrisy. You do your political party ( creator of the KKK) proud. Well done little man.

    Reply
  19. Fred says

    July 17, 2019 at 2:22 pm

    And whose party is the KKK aligned with today?

    Your racism and tone deafness couldn’t be more obvious as you equate children being removed from unstable households to children being torn from their parents who are merely trying to give them a better life. That is the kind of thinking that really nails down your racist title. I have never heard of a racist who could admit he is a racist. You are no exception.

    You sound triggered, Brad.

    Reply
  20. Brad says

    July 17, 2019 at 3:39 pm

    The key word in both cases is ILLEGAL. Your use of euphemisms is what’s to be expected of the party that supports law violations through sanctuary cities, tells ILLEGAL aliens methods to avoid I.C.E. agents defending U.S. immigration laws, and voted to force LEGAL citizens with fines for not having Barrycare but now offering ILLEGAL aliens free healthcare. There are LEGAL methods to enter this country, but if one chooses to violate the law, you are a criminal. You can’t spin this any other way racist Freddie. Sorry, not sorry.

    PS. For the record, if one of your illegal aliens grabs a rifle, some incendiary devices and attempts to kill lawful I.C.E. Agents, I’ve got no problem with local law enforcement using that person for target practice. See, it’s so simple….LEGAL vs. ILLEGAL. Let’s do the calculus. #1 a racist #2 a hypocrite #3 antifa supporter. Quite a day for the little socialist dude.

    Reply
  21. Fred says

    July 17, 2019 at 4:02 pm

    Try to keep up and stop deflecting all over the place. It only shows that you have no real fact based opinions. We are talking about people who were detained at legal points of entry.

    Brown skin doesn’t mean illegal, Brad. That is clearly how you see them and that is the definition of racism and that is why racists like you are aligned with the Trump party, because it validates your point of view. It doesn’t matter how you spin it, you are still a racist.

    Reply
  22. Matthew says

    July 17, 2019 at 6:41 pm

    Just some facts on Trumps four targets:
    1. Congresswoman Pressley is a regular African-American. Born in the USA, not connected with an immigrant family. She is from Boston, a very nice place.

    2. Congresswoman A.O.C. was born in New York City, same as Trump. So was her father. Her mother is American, too. Born in Puerto Rico, USA.

    3. Congresswoman Tlalib is from Detroit. Born and raised there. Her family roots go back to Palestine, but Rashida Tlalib is 100% American.

    4. Congresswoman Omar came from Somalia when she was ten years old. She is an American citizen.

    Trump is wrong, and simple-minded. His tweets amount to lies.

    Reply
  23. Adam says

    July 17, 2019 at 10:57 pm

    I read a very insightful column that pointed out that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and FoxNews are really comrades in arms, enjoying a symbiotic relationship.

    She says or does, well, anything.

    Foxnews reports the heck out of it, inflaming their viewers and readers, which has the dual effect of increasing their viewer-ship and page-clicks, as well as energizing the base that needs a “The Enemy” to feel like they’re actually fighting for a cause.

    Meanwhile, AOC enjoys increased name recognition, and conservative hate that only cements her liberal bona-fides and brand to a degree that far, far exceeds her actual influence as a freshman congressman in which she is one, just one of 435 votes…

    Caught in the middle are her supporters and Foxnews viewers that are willingly being manipulated into Pavlovian dupes.

    Reply

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