Andrew Heller

Best. Columnist. Ever.

  • About
  • More Posts …
    • More Posts …
    • Come Heller high water
    • The Heller Poll
    • Steve Jessmore photos
    • Auchtoons
  • Books
 

Come Heller high water … the May 24th edition

May 24, 2017 by Andrew Heller 11 Comments

Come Heller high water…

  • “Evil losers”? That’s the best insult President Trump could come up with for terrorists? Ooo, I’ll bet they’re infuriated. I’ll bet they’re thinking, “He could have gotten away with calling us low-born sons of donkeys or jiggly-eyed radicalized nut-jobs. But evil losers? No! Too far!”
  • God help us if there’s ever a recognizable terror leader again like Osama bin Laden. Trump will call him “Stinky” or some such.
  • Sometimes I swear we elected a fourth grader, y’know? I mean, where does this mania for grade school nicknames come from? I wonder if someone hung one on him in fourth grade and he’s never gotten over it.
  • An Ann Arbor restaurant owner says three Immigration and Customs agents ate breakfast then walked into the kitchen and arrested three employees for being illegal aliens. That’s kind of low. If you’re going to arrest them, at least don’t make them cook you eggs first. Jeez.
  • According to the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office, 23 million people would eventually lose health care if the House’s Obamacare “fix” becomes law. If you end up being one of them, please remember who did this to you, OK? Also please remember that embarrassing Rose Garden victory celebration Republican leaders had after passing the bill: “Whee-hee, 23 million more people without insurance, how wonderful!”
  • When are we going to grow up and join the rest of the world in providing universal health care? Jeez oh Pete, this is frustrating. The only reason we don’t have it already is ideology. The GOP doesn’t like big government and thinks no one should have government health care. Except for them, of course. They’ve got really swell government-provided insurance. But you? Not so much. Guess you shoulda developed an ideology and run for office.
  • You know what I think a pre-existing condition is? Being a jerk who is convinced his ideology is more important than your leaky aortic valve you can’t afford to have fixed.
  • According to a Jack Lessenberry column, a group named Voters Not Politicians is working to put a constitutional amendment on the ballot in Michigan to have a legislative district drawn by a nonpartisan commission instead of by the party in power at the time of each census. Why should you care and why should you support this effort? Because Michigan is gerrymandered to a point that it nearly guarantees this remains a red state at all levels, almost no matter how you vote. The group’s slogan is “Voters should choose their politicians, not the other way around.” Makes sense to me. And once we get rid of gerrymandering, we should get rid of term limits. We already have the power to limit the terms of politicians. It’s called voting.
  • Memorial Day can’t possibly be Monday because Memorial Day is the unofficial start of summer and we haven’t had spring yet.
  • I know it’s gotten good ratings, but “Guardians of the Galaxy II” didn’t do much for me. Weak plot, and too many explosions. A movie with too many explosions will always be lousy. Too many is defined as more than 10, by the way. That’s my theory and I’m sticking to it.
  • “We accept the love we think we deserve.” – Stephen Chbosky.

Filed Under: Come Heller high water Tagged With: Andrew Heller, Come Heller high water

Comments

  1. Oldugly says

    May 24, 2017 at 10:11 pm

    I have always hated “term limits.” That is why we have elections.

    Yes, a totally non-partisan group should set the legislative districts. I remember my Dad (a staunch republican) saying that while I was still in High School (yes, the ’50s.) Today a well written computer program could do it.

    And we probably won’t have universal health care until all of the doctors have paid off their student loans.

    Reply
    • Tom says

      May 24, 2017 at 11:59 pm

      Right On, about term limits. In Michigan, we have proved that term limits impair good government. Has it been about 20 years since we instituted term limits in Michigan? Has it been about 20 years since we have had competent state government?

      Reply
  2. Paul Kopenkoskey says

    May 24, 2017 at 10:25 pm

    I laughed and agreed in one fell swoop. Good column.

    Reply
  3. Tired of the BS says

    May 24, 2017 at 10:29 pm

    3….2…..1….

    Reply
  4. Jim Kerby says

    May 24, 2017 at 10:47 pm

    Andrew – I am volunteering for Voters Not Politicians Campaign. Encourage all of your readers to go to the website to learn more. Bodies and $ are needed to make it a success. It is strictly a nonpartisan, volunteer effort. Don’t assume that a nonpartisan commission will turn things from red to blue as the criteria for drawing up districts may include items that maintain certain characteristics of a region or community. View their blog video to understand.

    Reply
    • Andrew Heller says

      May 28, 2017 at 11:16 pm

      Jim, keep me posted on developments, OK. This is huge for Michigan.

      Reply
  5. Tom says

    May 24, 2017 at 11:26 pm

    Yes! Gerrymandering. Please keep writing about this issue. It is an extremely tough thing to deal with, and nerdy and boring, but it is overwhelmingly important. I am trying to get involved with this Voters Not group.

    Reply
  6. Janet Mcclintock says

    May 25, 2017 at 7:52 am

    They have to remember who did it? They won’t.

    Reply
  7. Jerry says

    May 25, 2017 at 12:02 pm

    There is no more important political issue than gerrymandering, and it shouldn’t even be a political issue. Setting districts should be done based on population figures…period. Whomever sets the boundaries should not even know any party affiliations when setting those boundaries. This is the only way we will ever get representative government.

    Reply
    • Andrew Heller says

      May 25, 2017 at 5:59 pm

      It’s a close race between gerrymandering and our ridiculous campaign finance laws. Both suck the dem out of democracy.

      Reply
  8. Matt Wyneken says

    May 27, 2017 at 5:42 pm

    Hi Andy,

    I think you’re missing the point with Trump’s “loser” description. He also said that he won’t call them “monsters” as that’s what they want to hear. He makes a good point. I wish the news media would collectively refer to these “losers” as “cowards.” It takes courage and strength to be kind and peaceful. It takes nothing to be a brute.

    I’m not a Trump supporter, but he scored points with me for that comment, and, I hope, for listening to the Pope about climate change.

    -Matt

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Buy My Books!

Show_Cars_Illustrated_300x250-2018

 

Archives

  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • October 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016

Categories

  • All Columns
  • Auchtoons
  • Brenda Brissette Mata columns
  • Come Heller high water
  • Flint Columns
  • Guest columnists
  • Guns
  • Humor
  • John Matonich
  • Michigan politics and government
  • National politics
  • Steve Jessmore photos
  • Steve Murch
  • The Heller Poll
  • What do you think?

About The Author

Andrew Heller has been an enduringly popular newspaper columnist in Michigan for a long, long, long time. He wrote his first column for the Escanaba Daily Press way back in 1979. It was about his … Continue Reading

SOCIAL

  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Twitter

BOOK: Come-Heller-High-Water-by-Andrew-Heller ISBN-13:9780964983212

Come Heller High Water I is the collection readers asked for, and includes columns that they wanted reprints of.

In true Heller style, topics cover everything from the craziness of having kids to tales from his U.P. days.

Buy My Books!

BOOK: Come-Heller-High-Water 2-by-Andrew-Heller ISBN-13:9780964983212

Come Heller High Water II is the smash hit follow-up to Come Heller High Water I. It includes everything from Andy's takes on modern life to conversations with his back home pal Moon Dimple, and much, much more.
 

Buy My Books!

BOOK: Saving the World One Column at a Time Paperback  ISBN-10: 0971495114 ISBN-13: 978-0971495111

Saving the World One Column at a Time is a bitingly funny look at the world through the eyes of this award-winning columnist. In it he takes on corporate crooks, Little League parents, tongue piercers, ketchup sinners and much, much more. A must-have for Heller fans.

Buy My Books!

Copyright © 2025 · Andrew Heller · Best. Columnist. Ever.

Mobile Responsive Website by Media Cafe Online, LLC · Log in