Ding, dong …
“Trick or treat!”
“Hello, little boy. My, aren’t you dressed up fancy – blue suit, red tie, wingtips. Are you supposed to be a businessman like you’re daddy, maybe? How cute!”
“You only think so because you’re a loser.”
“Excuse me?”
“And not just a loser, but a pathetic loser.”
“How rude!”
“I want all your candy because I deserve it.”
“I beg your pardon!”
“Just give it to me. I’m a star, and you’re supposed to let me have anything I want, and I want candy. Or Tic Tacs. I really like Tic Tacs. You got any Tic Tacs, loser?”
“Even if I did, I wouldn’t give them to such a horribly disrespectful young man. Now shoo!”
“That’s very unfair. This whole trick or treating thing is rigged. I’ll sue.”
“Sue? Wait, I get it. You’re Donald Trump, right?”
“It’s about time you noticed, loser.”
“Would you please stop calling me loser –where did you hear such language, anyway?”
“My parents watch a lot of CNN.”
Ding, dong …
“Greetings and salutations, I wish for you to provide me with some sugary consumables.”
“Aww, what a cute little girl! But aren’t you supposed to say trick or treat?”
“I am not sure. This activity is new to me. I assure you I will study the matter with the intensity of a rabid badger and get back to you on it. Now, if we could proceed with the transaction …”
“Proceed with the transaction? Well, OK, but shouldn’t you be wearing a costume, sweetie?”
“I am wearing a costume.”
“You’re wearing a pant suit.”
“And?”
“And, um, sensible shoes.”
“And?”
“And sensible clip-on earrings that accessorize but don’t demand attention?”
“And?”
“And, I don’t know, a scary, almost maniacal gleam in your eye?”
“Precisely. Add it all up and what do you get?”
“Um … I don’t know, a middle-age soccer mom?”
“I’ll give you a hint: Gosh, I have no idea what happened to those 64 trillion emails.”
“No, not ringing a bell …”
“How about this: I want this job so bad I can taste it. It’s mine, all mine. Bwahahaha.”
“Hillary Clinton!”
“Exactly. Now can we proceed with the transaction, please? I have an inauguration speech to write.”
Oh…..my…..GOD…… If kids show up at my door as Donald or Hillary I might have to turn out the lights. Thanks a lot, Andrew. If this happens, I’m sending them to your house!
Ha, I’ll welcome them. But I’ll give them the crappy candy.
Oh my gosh, Andy – – this is exactly why you truly are the best.columnist.ever!!!
Why, thank you.
I used to have a Trump mask on the ghost decoration on my porch. But I took the mask off because it was too scary. I could not stand looking at that ugly puss.
Andrew, please keep count, and tell you many Trumps and Hillarys (Hillaries?) you actually get on your porch on Halloween. And, please report to us.
*your*
Cher is scheduled appear in my neighborhood! “from 5:30 p.m.-6:30 p.m. Monday, Oct. 31 at Clinton’s Flint campaign office, 3518 Robert T. Longway Blvd.” along with other Michigan locations earlier.
Sonny & Cher costumes would be funny today. How about zombie Sonny & Cher since he’s been dead almost 19 years and she must be 70? I’m sick of Hillary and Trump.
Thanks, Andrew, you made me laugh so hard that I snorted.
Snorting is what it’s all about. Thank you!
Cher was in Kalamazoo today. Did you she her on TV? Her face looks sort of spooky. My bride says she looks kind of like Michael Jackson.
I didn’t see Cher as I was at work. Just watched the ABC12 news clip online of her visit to Flint. She didn’t look spooky to me but my best friend’s mom probably had a facelift or two and always wears a wig. Since I’ve known her since I was a child in 1970 I’m one of the few she’ll let see her with no makeup or wig, she’s just “Ma” either way to me.
Appearance is important to an extent for a President, it shouldn’t be the deciding factor in how we judge people but it does make a difference in how we percieve the candidates Clinton and Trump. It reminds me of The Who- Eminence Front song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnHLgxKUsEA
Greetings and salutations, I wish for you to provide me with donations. If you are hesitant, I’ll let you talk to the Russian guys who own all the uranium.
Aww, what a cute little girl! But aren’t you supposed to say trick or treat.?
I did say that. I swear I did. Surely you don’t think I’d lie about that! This activity is not new to me. I assure you I will tend to this matter with the intensity of a rabid wolverine. If you think I’m joking, just ask those four guys in Benghazi. Now, if we could proceed with the donation…
Proceed with the donation? Well, OK, but shouldn’t you be wearing a costume, sweetie?
I am wearing a costume
You’re wearing a pant suit
Yes, a power suit. When I grow up I’ll wear pantsuits while pursuing equality and rights for women who are victimized by rape and sexual harassment . I’ll be a champion for women everywhere, clinging firmly to the coattails of my philandering, disbarred rapist husband.
And, um, sensible shoes?
Are you kidding? Haven’t you seen me stagger, fall and get carried of by my friends like a drunken sailor in a Hong Kong dive bar? Sensible shoes always
And sensible clip-on earrings that accessorize but don’t demand attention?
Yes, my special ‘friend’ Huma prefers I wear them, at least for the time being. She whispers things about blurred lines, whatever that means.
And, I don’t know, a scary, almost maniacal gleam in your eye?
You have nerve poking fun at my neurological condition. Add it all up and what do you get?
Um, I don’t know, a middle-age soccer mom?
I’ll give you a hint: We both know what happened to those 64 trillion emails.
No, not ringing a bell.
How about this: I will steal and perjure myself for this job. It’s mine, all mine. Bwahahaha.
Hillary Clinton?
Wrong. You’re so dumb…… I’m Andy Heller’s inner progressive girl. Now can we proceed with the donation please? I am scheduled to meet with the F.B.I. soon.
FIFY