The problem with some people is they don’t appreciate great insight when they hear it.
For instance, I was watching “The Walking Dead” with the lovely yet formidable Marcia when I said “Why are the living people afraid of the zombie people when the zombie people are so dumb and slow? I mean, c’mon, my grandma could outrun them.”
Instead of saying, “Yes, you’re right, what a smart and witty observation – more, please,” as she should have, she sighed and said, “You know you do that all the time, don’t you?”
“Do what?”
“Talk during shows and movies and say obnoxious, allegedly funny things.”
“I most certainly do not! But since you brought it up, why don’t the living people just move into an abandoned grocery store instead of wandering around all the time scrounging for food and shelter?”
“Because then there wouldn’t be a show, that’s why. Now hush up and let me watch in peace.”
“I’m sorry, sweetie, of course.”
“Thank you.”
“So how is it possible that they even walk at all? I mean, their muscles are like melted string cheese. And if they’re really dead, why do they need to eat?”
She hit the pause button and said, “Look, would you please stop with the commentary and let me watch.”
“I’m sorry, you’re right. Zipping the lip, starting now.”
“Thank you.”
“And if they eat, they have to poop, right? But how – because that would take an intact and functioning gastrointestinal system, which clearly many of these zombies do not have. I can see right through that one guy. And what about the zombies who wore glasses or contacts when they were people? What do they do? They’d never be able to see the living people much less run them down. And what about the kids – how come you never seen any kid zombies? And what about zombies who used walkers, canes or scooters when they were people – I haven’t seen a single zombie driving an Amigo. Not one. Does AARP know about this?”
“This is like watching TV with a 4-year-old – why, why why? Would you stop analyzing everything and just watch, please.”
“I can’t, it makes no sense. How can you watch a show that makes no sense?”
“BECAUSE IT’S TV, that’s how! You loved Scooby-Doo back in the day, but dogs don’t really talk, you know.”
“They don’t?”
She frowned.
“No, they don’t. Now knock it off and let me unpause this, OK? You hate it when I ask dumb questions when the Hitler channel’s on.”
“It’s not the Hitler channel, it’s the History Channel. It just plays a lot of Hitler. He’s sort of their rock star.”
“Whatever. The point is if I did this during one of your precious ballgames, you’d … wait a second, you want to watch a ballgame, don’t you.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do, there’s a ballgame you want to see, isn’t there?”
“Could be. I don’t know.”
“Fine, here,” she said, handing me the clicker, aka the wand of power. “I’ll watch it later. Put on your stupid game.”
“Thank you, sweetie!”
“Save it, chiseler.”
Like I said, some people clearly don’t appreciate great insight when they hear it.
Image credit: Jamiecat
Hahahaha! Loved this, especially the word “poop,” instead of the dainty-sounding “poo.”
Laughed out loud! Thanks 🙂
Marcia is a Saint.
“Wand of power”? I thought I invented that!
OH MY GOSH! You and my husband are exactly alike; analyzing & narrating everything you watch on TV! Oh, poor Marcia!
You have no idea how many people have told her that.
Yup. We called the History Channel the”Hotler Channel” back in about 2004-2005 when my late hubby was addicted to it. We weren’t even allowed in the same room while he had it running.
“Hitler Channel”, not “Hotler…”
For those of you who do not need to be at work late tomorrow afternoon:
Tigers versus White Sox
4:10 pm, Fox Sports Detroit, TV
Justin Verlander pitching for the Tigers, some bozo you never heard of pitching for the White Sox.
Rock out, Tigers!
I have always thought The Walking Dead was a stupid show. I completely fail to understand why so many Americans have such an affinity for zombie stories. Give me War Stories with Colonel Oliver North any day of the week.
You and Andy have something in common. How about that.
It’s the same story at my house except it’s about medical shows. “Why would any emergency doctor do that? He hasn’t even looked at the patient” & “That x-ray is upside down and they have a pelvis up there when this guy is having a heart attack!” & “Notice how there are no technicians of any kind? Respiratory, CT, ultrasound? It’s only docs and nurses so we can keep that sexual tension going…” HER: “Okay, you can have the tv; I’ll go watch in the kitchen”
Do not worry Andrew when a very important baseball game is on tv, you lovely wife will more than likely start talking.
It probably some silly inane or insane subject.
So your wife is a TWD fan? She rocks even more than I originally assumed.
I guess you missed Episode 1 and the Sophia found in the barn episode. Yes kids have been zombies on the show.
Some people just can’t appreciate a good sci-fi.
Oh, she rocks. I don’t. I just don’t get it. It seems like “Lost” – a show in search of a plot.