Shortly after having my twin sons I remember wondering how could I have ever thought BC (before children) that I was ever, really busy. What in the world had I been doing with all my time?
Suddenly every minute was filled with feedings and diapers and crying – although a lot of the crying was me.
Going anywhere required thoughtful reconnaissance and planning. The car looked like a family going on a two-week vacation when it was only packed to get to the caregiver’s or to Grandma’s for a weekend.
And as the children grew, the schedule required more juggling.
There were school events and doctor and dentist appointments, soccer and baseball games, music lessons and recitals, birthday parties and play dates.
And someone was always selling something, which meant I was always selling something. And shopping, always shopping because they outgrew shoes in the blink of an eye. And I want to think about how many mittens or gloves I bought over the years.
Then the youngest was born and the busyness just multiplied.
A friend with two young children recently was sharing a story about a particularly harried Saturday when she was trying to get to her daughter’s soccer game and her son’s piano recital without losing her mind.
“Hang in there,” I told her. “It will get easier.”
And it does, but it happens when you aren’t really paying attention. It just goes from being so busy that you feel like you’re being pulled in seven directions to being regularly busy. You know, work, housework, friends, clubs, golf dates.
Suddenly you have time to meet friends for dinner or to play golf without worrying that you’re missing a baseball game or a three-hour dance recital. Massage – of course there’s time for that. Poker with friends, certainly. No plays or Friday night football games anymore – so why not.
For years, my nights were filled with worrying about curfews and punishments if the curfew was missed. When my children became licensed drivers, the worrying grew like a bad monster movie. But we got through it all, we made it.
I look back now in wonder. How in the world did my brain juggle all that stuff? Today I forget a lunch date unless it’s written down in three places.
Recently someone asked if I could do something and I said “I don’t know, I’m really so busy this weekend.”
No, I wasn’t. Not really. I had time for a pedicure and time to read a book. I had time to clean out a closet and sort through some old photos.
I’ve just become used to having more time and it’s hard to give up when it comes back around. And it does come back, for a while.
But I better enjoy the pedicures and reading time while I can. My first grandchild arrives in September and I see soccer in my future.
Image credit: williami5
I can identify! It struck me this year. Although I had grandchildren a while back, I just realized it’s been 10-12 years since dragging the kids all over creation for wind ensembles and symphonies and music camps and school bands and trips and…
From the time my oldest started BLFAC, then FYWE in about ’93 until the youngest was done with FYWE and band, it was 12 years.
I kinda miss those days. And some of the other great parents and kids too!
Ah yes, music camps and band camps! I could have made a much longer list if I would have taken the time. LOL
Oh my, can I relate! It is amazing how we learned to be at least half way organized. When I see young mothers at the grocery store, I tell them it will get better but I doubt they believe me – I never thought it would end!! But you are correct – end it does – almost an empty feeling!
Ha! I think we all have to figure it out on our own. During those busy years I thought I’d never have free time again – couldn’t imagine it.
I’m 77 now and am utterly amazed at the number of things I used to manage at the same time. Kids,
work, clubs, bowling, volunteer work, a huge house, doctors, dentists…..and on and on. Perhaps
the most amazing to me is that I always had a complete inventory of all my cupboards in my head.
I knew what I had, what I needed, and I never wrote anything down. Now, if I don’t write it down
I won’t get it and sometimes, even when I do write it down, I forget to get it. Looking back on it now I’m very impressed with what I used to do and very happy that I don’t need to be like that anymore.
Me too! I’m so impressed with what I used to do. Although I have to admit you got me beat by knowing what’s in your cupboards. Yikes! I’m always buying shampoo when I need conditioner or toothpaste when I need floor cleaner. There’s no rhyme or reason.
The cycle of life.
Yup. Simple as that.
I have never been organized, but I usually have an amazing memory. So much time has quickly passed from my “little” kids who are now in their mid-30’s.
What scares me is that some years are a total blur (and I do not abuse any substances). Or maybe I am just being too demanding on myself: for instance
who was my daughter’s 4th grade teacher, or my son’s 5th grade teacher? Did my son ever have a birthday party with lots of friends from school? How did I help them with their homework? Is it reasonable to forget some things like that? I am still trying to get used to waking up in the morning and thinking, “I don’t have to do a single thing today if I don’t want to!”
I love your columns.
Oh my stars – don’t get me started on what I’ve forgotten! It must be reasonable to forget some things. It seemed that the days flew by so quickly because of so much to do. When I find myself sitting in my chair reading a book and thinking, “I should throw some laundry in.” And then don’t because nobody is in dire need of socks or underwear or the perfect shirt that just MUST be ready – that’s when I know how very much life has changed.
Thanks!
My two (five and nine) just got back from a week with my parents. My wife and I didan’t know what to do with ourselves. The sudden vacuum was unsettling.
Ah, 5 and 9 – just wait until they’re 29 and 25. You’ll wish you knew how to golf. 🙂
It may come back, Brenda… Do you have living parents? I do. My mother is pretty old, probably older than your mother. And, we take care of her now. No bassoon lessons or soccer games, but cardio appointments and wheelchair-cleaning sessions, plus visits to make sure the phone calls are not just silly optimism.
Not as time-filling as kids, but plenty. Enjoy your in-between time now, before your parents go cuckoo.
I have no kids but can relate somewhat, I slept 2-4 hours a night until I was well over thirty and had seemingly boundless energy to work and play. Sometime after age forty it started to catch up with me and I joked that I could still work circles around anyone half my age but I’d feel it the next day. That still holds true only now an adult is one third my age and I might need the ICY HOT!