“The Bachelor” is on again, which is wonderful. No, I don’t “like” the show. I’m a guy. If I liked the show I’d have to turn in my man card. But I do really, really, really like messing with the lovely yet formidable Marcia, a lifelong feminist who, oddly enough, positively loves the show.
“I can’t believe you like this,” I said the other night. “It’s so anti-feminist. How could you?”
“Shhh,” she hissed, flapping a hand in my direction.
Interpreting the flapping to mean ‘Continue, please, dear husband” I said “I mean, you’ve got all these beautiful young women who …”
“Quiet, I can’t hear!”
“… who are in the prime of their life, who could get any guy they want …”
“Zip it,” she growled, using that low, back of the teeth growl dogs use when you try to take food away from them.
“… and yet they fight over this one stupid – and may I say not very handsome – guy, who is apparently such a catch that he’s in his mid-30s and isn’t married and doesn’t have a girlfriend.”
“He’s been busy racing cars,” she said. “Now shut up and let me watch.”
“Not that I can blame him, of course. If someone paid me to have 25 women fight over me, I guess I’d be fine with that.”
Glare from her.
“But why do they do it?”
“Because they’re looking for love!” she blurted. “Don’t you understand anything?”
I pondered that for a moment. “But is a TV show the right place to find it? Seems to me that concentrating 25 women in one place all fighting for the attention of one guy makes the odds of finding love a lot harder than in the real world. In that sense, winning the show seems like winning the lottery, except the prize isn’t a million bucks, it’s some schmo they probably won’t like once the TV cameras are gone, am I right?”
“I’m ignoring you now,” she said.
“I mean, there are plenty of better places to find a guy.”
“Still ignoring.”
“I mean, there’s the gym, the office, the grocery store, the bar, the bowling alley, the golf course …”
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” she said. Which is clearly not true. I’ve said far stupider things. “Now please go away and let me watch in peace.”
In retrospect, I should have taken her advice. But as a husband and a follower of Guy Code, I felt I had to say one more stupid thing: “I still say this show puts the women’s movement back 50 years. But, hey, you do what you want, Gloria Steinem.”
At that point the temperature in the room dipped 14 degrees and she hit the pause on the remote. “OK, that’s it. At first I thought you were just yanking my chain. But I’m beginning to think you really don’t understand why women like ‘The Bachelor.’”
Ruh-roh, I thought, as the music from “Jaws” began thumping in my brain. Run!
“Get back here, buster. (Editor’s note: She didn’t really say buster, though. Family website.) I’ll tell you why we like it. We like it because they go on romantic dates to romantic places, where he looks into her eyes and tells her she’s beautiful, in other words all the stuff that married men forget to do for their wives. Maybe YOU ought to do that, too, and maybe if YOU …”
Ten minutes and a dozen or so more “Yous” later she was still going.
I guess I had it coming. Next time the show’s on I’ll do the smart thing and keep my mouth shut.
Probably.
The Bachelor TV show is not about finding love. It is about attention whores trying to find 15 minutes of fame in order to hopefully launch a TV career. There is nothing romantic about it at all. The same goes for the Bachelorette show.
It truly pains me to see these shows gain such popularity. It shows many millions of people have sunk to an unacceptable low in our society. How could anyone believe for one second that there is any authentic love in these shows?
These shows are on par with the Jerry Springer show.
Couldn’t agree with you more Andy. If I had a daughter that was on that show I would change my name and move.
Also just to further pop the bubble of viewers who enjoy this trash show who actually believe it is in any way authentic… It is largely scripted. Very little is spontaneous or unplanned.
You seem to know a lot about the show. Must be a regular watcher huh?
No – I have friends that work in the television industry who provide some interesting inside information on various shows.
Oh, it’s clearly scripted, including who “wins.” You’ll notice they seldom boot out the women who emerge as crazy characters.
Jims: BOOM!!! Ha ha ha ha heeeeeee…….
I cannot abide these types of shows-and I am female. Perhaps it is harmless entertainment and provides a temporary respite from the harsh news of the day. Not my thing. I guess it could be worse for you, though. If she starts binge watching episodes of “Snapped,” for instance.
An honest question….. Would you watch a TV show called “The Yooper Bachelor”?
1. Yooper guy
2. 25 Yooper girls
3. Yooper date ideas
4. Pastie ceremony rather than rose ceremony
5. Yooper wardrobes
6. Takes place in the U.P. in mid January
I would be glued to such a show. Glued. 25 women in snowmobile suits sitting around in an ice fishing shack wearing plaid.
Now I WOULD watch that one!!
It sure would be a hit in Michigan. Working Dad I think you just found your retirement idea.
I think I would…come on you guys. Write up some Yooper date ideas. I’m getting cabin fever and need a few laughs.
Girls would be sitting around a pot belly stove with full flannel long johns on eating some pickled herring and crackers along with some liver sausage and then the bachelor shows up with a case of pabst blue ribbon and bottle of mad dog 20-20. Music would be by the yoopers and conversation would be about who’s going to go to the out house first.
Just a comment about the show – any feminist who strongly believes that “if we only had a woman president, we would have world peace” is crazy, nuts! These women threaten each other, have foul mouths, and are meaner than any man ever thought of being. World War III could be played out there easily!
Good grief, Andy, don’t you know better than to mess with Marcia? About anything! I’m starting to lose faith in you as a columnist, actually putting in print something like this, (although I really do agree with you about that stupid show.)
10 – 9 – 8 – 7 – 6… This is the countdown before somebody tries to turn this fun thing into a political discussion. Maybe something about Tea Party Federal Communications Commission members versus Ultra-Liberal Hollywood TV executives. Stay tuned! 5 – 4 -3…