A friend of mine sent me a little humor the other day. I always appreciate a good smile or better yet, an outright laugh. I typically don’t care for humor at someone else’s expense, but this was kind of funny. They were one-liners poking a little fun at folks from the south, but the more I read them, the more I felt the heading could 
have easily been about my area here in the north. Since I was born and raised here and now live back in the area, I think it’s ok to poke a little fun in my direction. If you have ever been to this area, I think you will see some of the similarities.
TOP THINGS THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR YOOPER BOYS SAY:
- I’ll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.
- Duct tape won’t fix that.
- Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken with a slice of lime.
- We don’t keep guns in this house.
- You can’t feed that to the dog.
- No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
- We’re vegetarians.
- I’ll have the grapefruit and grapes instead of the bacon and eggs.
- Honey, we don’t need another dog.
- Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
- Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
- Please trim the fat off that steak.
- Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
- My fiancée is registered at Tiffany’s.
- I’ve got two cases of Zima iced down for the Super Bowl.
- I don’t have a favorite football team.
- Those cutoffs might need to be a little longer, Sally.
I think it’s pretty hard to put any geographic limits on many of these. I can see how they can apply in a lot of areas. I remember going to a national meeting a number of years ago and was having dinner with some of my friends from the southern states. We were having a great time when one of my buddies looked up and said he wanted to make me an honorary southern surveyor. I was touched by that and had to ask him why. He simply smiled and said, “John, you are from so far north, it is just like being from the south.” I thought about it for a second and had to agree. I couldn’t have been with a better bunch of guys and I’m proud to call them my friends even if occasionally I do have the small bag of pork rinds.
And that’s the situation as I survey it …
After a 35-year career downstate livin’ amongst da trolls, during which he built a successful engineering and surveying business, John Matonich is back home in da U.P. His column will appear here occasionally, don’tcha know. His book “Surveyin’ Da Situation” is available on Amazon.com.
Image credit: Myron Reynard
I have been asked many times over the years to provide a description of Yoopers to people from other parts of the USA and also to people from outside our country. In my attempt to provide a quick-and-dirty description I came up with the following.
Yooper = 60% Lower Michigan native + 20% Viking + 10% Wisconsin native + 10% Canadian native.
What do you think of my attempted description?
I am not sure about the Lower Michigan component, Working Dad. I remember always being told as a kid that a Yooper had to be born here and couldn’t transplant form elsewhere. I am not sure that’s true anymore as I know a lot of good folks who weren’t born above the bridge, but are good Yoopers. I would be careful about the Viking reference as well. There are a few fans around, but only a few, at least in the west end. Far more Packer fans and even some Bear fans like me. Not many of us either as it can be embarrassing at times to admit that…
I was not referring to being a Vikings football fan. I was referring to actually being part Viking.
Small see going boats, horned helmets, Oden….
Makes sense, Working Dad….
I’d change the 60% to 40% Finnish descent + 20% lower MI. native
Not bad changes, Howard…
With a last name like yours you would be the expert on that. Got to be a yooper😉
Good point 👍
Thanks for the laughs John.
Glad you liked them, Suze
Never would say, “I want to wear a tie today.”
Good one… or buried in a tie as well… my dad was buried in his work clothes. He wanted it that way so folks would recognize him….
My husband really wants to know where he can see that HUGE muzzleloader featured in last column
Hi Joann, I believe it’s at the Yooper Tourist Trap. https://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/10890
Yes it is along with some other dandies