A few years ago, my sister had her first grandchild. Shortly after she had held him for the first time, she called and told me about the baby’s weight and who he looked like and how exciting it all was. But mid-way through a sentence, she stopped, overcome by emotion and said, “My baby had a baby.”
Now I’m in the soon-to-be grandma seat. My son is expecting his first child, my first grandchild. They’ve decorated the nursery and selected a name (it’s a secret, don’t ask, I don’t know). They have been showered with gifts and have struggled putting together the crib and the glider rocker.
One day he asked me to give him some idea of how much his life would change. I laughed and said something like “It will be a long time before you sleep all night again” and “You think you’re busy now, you have no idea how busy you will be.”
But there was so much more that I wanted to say.
It’s not just the lack of sleep because a baby wakes every few hours. You won’t sleep when, as an adolescent, the child first spends a night away from home. You’ll worry and fret and want to be ready for that phone call asking to come back.
You won’t sleep when that child is a young teen, going to parties with people you don’t know. Or to a summer camp where you worry about strangers and dangers of all sorts.
Having a child changes the way you think. You will be more sensitive to the violence and destruction of the world.
Every news story of a child stuck in a well or drowned or beaten or kidnapped will make you worry and wonder “What if that were my child?”
If you hear about a house fire and your child is staying with a friend, you will go crazy to make sure it’s not anywhere nearby.
Diapers are nothing. One day your child will want to go to the bathroom alone, in a public place. And you will quiver in fear of making that decision. And like your mom, when you were small, you will stand right by that bathroom door and dash in if it takes too long.
You will do a lot of things that your parents did, that you hated. You will say things that your mother said that you swore you would never, ever say. And you will do things that your father did, that you swore you would never, ever do.
I don’t know why, it just happens that way.
You will go to work with baby spit-up on your shoulder, you won’t even notice. And when someone points it out, you will just go into the restroom to clean it. And you will know everything about poop.
You will become one of those parents who shares stories about your child that likely bore every other parent. But you just know your child is different, even amazing.
You will find a heretofore unknown joy in your baby’s smile, laugh and first step. If making a funny face makes your baby smile, you will make that face over and over and over again until your muscles ache.
That joy will continue in the first at-bat in Little League, at kindergarten graduation, the first bike ride without training wheels or a dance recital.
You will make mistakes and you will worry about the impact of the mistakes you made. Sometimes right away, sometimes not until years later. But it will never leave you.
You will do everything in your power to protect your child. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll think about calling your mother and saying “sorry” for everything you put her through. For all the times you didn’t listen or were bothered because she clung to you like sweat.
And then, one day, your baby will have a baby and you will fight back tears wondering where the time went and wishing that you could do it all over again.
James says
July 11, 2016 at 5:52 pmNumber four grandchild was born to my oldest daughter last October. I had to laugh when she told her mother, I can’t believe it mom I am just like you!!! Never would have heard that from her before she had kids. You are spot on!
Brenda says
July 12, 2016 at 9:46 amYou can’t avoid it. All the things I swore I wouldn’t do or say, I did and said. Go figure. LOL
Margie says
July 11, 2016 at 7:42 pmAll of the things you talked about that happens when you have a child will happen to you again when you have a grandchild! It’s crazy, wonderful, terrifying and absolutely the best thing that will ever happen to you! Enjoy
Brenda says
July 12, 2016 at 9:47 amWhat a lovely idea. I’m looking forward to it.
Linda Ann says
July 11, 2016 at 7:59 pmDelightful! Couldn’t have said it better myself! I have kept some notes of the most tender memories, the funniest, and “lessons learned”.
Brenda says
July 11, 2016 at 9:00 pmThank you.
Cathy says
July 11, 2016 at 8:06 pmSo enjoying your thoughts on becoming a new grandparent! My baby is having a baby in the fall. It’s wild~ and incredibly exciting!
Brenda says
July 11, 2016 at 9:01 pmCongratulations! We’ll have to compare notes. 🙂
Denise says
July 11, 2016 at 9:15 pmWell said! Wait until you as a grandparent see that baby for the first time. I walked through the hall and out into the waiting room where my sister and a few others were waiting, I was balling my eyes out. My sister came running to me thinking something bad had happened and asked what was wrong? I replied with she is the most beautiful little Angel ever. Be prepared.
Brenda says
July 12, 2016 at 9:48 amI hear that from so many grandparents – looking forward to experiencing it myself.
Cheryl Tolcher says
July 11, 2016 at 11:37 pmDo you get on well with your DIL? She will determine your role as a grandparent. I wish you all the best!
Brenda says
July 12, 2016 at 9:49 amThank you! And luckily, my DIL is wonderful, we get along famously.
MarkTruett says
July 12, 2016 at 8:55 amMy youngest daughter had my first grandson when they were living in Hawaii (Marine deployment) and we could not see them in person for a long while (even though we skyped and saw photos a lot). We finally saw Brayden when he was 3 months old, and at Bishop airport his mom handed him to me. Brayden immediately gave me (Grampa) a big hug and smiled, and my heart just melted. Fortunately there are photos. He’s 4 now and still Grampa’s buddy. Working on grandchild #5 as we speak (all boys). I’m gonna have my own hockey team! 😀
Brenda says
July 13, 2016 at 9:24 pmHe’s adorable. And I’m so happy to know your long distance grandparenting is going well. That is what awaits me, too.
MarkTruett says
July 14, 2016 at 7:37 amThank you! Now they’re back stateside and they live 4 miles away and we see them frequently. Sadly my other daughter lives in the TC area and we rarely get to see ’em.
Brenda says
July 15, 2016 at 8:53 amSo glad you get to see them and I understand how difficult it is sometimes with kids, even when they are close. Still lucky you to have that sweet grandchild.
Judith Brooks says
July 12, 2016 at 9:34 amBeing a Grandparent is better than a parent….you can have fun with them and not be worried that you’re spoiling them. That Is your right. Teaching them is not your job; loving, laughing, and making memories is.
Enjoy every minute you can have with the grandchild because it will go by soooo fast.
Brenda says
July 12, 2016 at 9:50 amI hear that – looking forward to the spoiling and laughing and loving – and handing them back when I’m done. LOL
Marie says
July 12, 2016 at 11:31 amBeing a grandparent is the most wonderful joy ever, but as my wonderful Father said, “Now you have two levels of worry, for your child and also for your grandchild.”
Brenda says
July 13, 2016 at 9:25 pmOh mystars! Hadn’t thought of that. More worries!
Jeanette says
July 12, 2016 at 1:01 pmYou just brought tears to my eyes! My brothers and I were talking about being the older generation now-it seems surreal, weren’t we just having babies? Now, my oldest is 24 and will be married next year, I can’t wait. Bring on those wonderful grand babies to snuggle and spoil.
Brenda says
July 13, 2016 at 9:26 pmIt comes sooner than you think. And it is hard to believe. They say Time flies and it’s true.
Nancy says
July 16, 2016 at 11:10 amWhat I discovered in having grandchildren is that I do not love them MORE than I love my children, but I love them so much more intensely. I worry about them more often, laugh with them, treasure moments with them with a depth of feeling that is difficult to express without getting a lump in my throat. Maybe it is because there is less time to be part of their lives. Can’t waste a second of it.