Last week I got my annual “What I’m Not Thankful For” list out of my system. Sorry. It had to happen. You ever try holding that many gripes and whines inside? Not easy or healthy. This week it’s time for a few utterly random things and people I’m thankful for. Such as:
- Newspaper readers. I know this sounds like pandering, but I think the root cause of many of our problems today is ignorance. And I use the word in the
dictionary sense – a lack of knowledge or information. Newspapers are a known antidote to ignorance. In my view, people who read newspapers are sexy because knowledge is sexy. Wanna give someone the ultimate compliment this Christmas, give them a newspaper subscription. It’s you saying, “I know you value knowledge because you’re smart. Here’s more of it.” (Side point: Print papers impart knowledge better than computer screens. It’s a proven fact. So read and give the print edition.) - I love dogs. My dogs, anyway. Your dogs are, frankly, a little out of control and smelly. Maybe you oughta do something about that.
- I haven’t had a teacher in decades. But I appreciate teachers more each passing year. These days they’re society’s punching bags, but they soldier on. The day we start paying them what they’re truly worth is the day we get stronger as a nation. Cops, firefighters, ambulance workers and military, as well. It baffles me why we revere these people but pay them jack-you-know-what.
- Whoever invented baseball. I love baseball because I grew up playing baseball. And I mean real baseball with a bunch of friends on a made-up diamond with bats held together with screws, ghost runners and automatic outs for hitting the ball to right field. That’s the best baseball of all. Organized baseball is also fine, but organized baseball means adults are involved and adults inevitably suck the fun out of everything.
- “Saturday Night Live.” I know this is an odd thing to be thankful for and I know 80 percent of the skits aren’t funny in the slightest, but it’s been a constant my whole life. Even when I don’t watch it, it’s weirdly comforting to know that it’s there most Saturday nights. There are very few constants left in our media universe. This is one of them.
- Williams hot pepper cheese, produced in Linwood near Bay City. Love it. Best cheese ever. And while I’m on food, I won’t eat eggs (and many other things) unless there’s a bottle of Frank’s hot sauce handy. I used to be a Tabasco guy but Frank’s is better.
- My friends, including the casual ones, the besties, readers and social media pals. You’re all the same to me – I loves ya. Again, I know that sounds like pandering. And I guess it is. But I am fully aware that as a ridiculously opinionated human and incessant wise-acre, I can be difficult to be around. More and more, I appreciate those few who aren’t smart enough to realize there are easier people to be pals with. For that flaw in your character, I thank you.
- My family. Of course. Every annoying, wonderful one of them. And for the same reason as above. They stick with me despite my gaping flaws and my seeming inability to do anything about them, and for that I’m eternally puzzled but grateful.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
Image credit: Mariah OConnell
Linwood or Linden? I found a Williams cheese in Linwood in a search just now.
Ack! You’re right. Thanks for catching that!
Dear Andrew,
Thank you so much for sticking up for teachers. Sometimes it seems the only ones in our corner are the students.
Unlike the fakers who adulate teachers but then blame them for society’s ills, I believe teachers are hugely important. So thank you!
I don’t want to get all gushy now, but I am thankful for you, Andrew, and your writings, and my fellow commenters.
I am thankful for all kinds of music, and for the goodness of people.
I am thankful to God, without Whom I would have nothing.
Happy Thanksgiving to all!
Aw, I appreciate that, truly. I deeply value anyone who puts up with my meandering thoughts.
Linda Ann,
Well said.
I started reading your columns in the print version of the Flint Journal 20 or so years ago . I can honestly say you had a part in shaping my views. Thank you for that. Without a few influences like you in my life, I’d probably be a Trump supporter today. *cringe*
Beret Boy had a role in shaping your views? Instead of being something else today, you’re a liberal toadie? *CRINGE* Could there be a anything more self serving than the Heller family public relations campaign for the newspaper biz or teachers?
Hey Brad…. More self serving? You betcha–Donald Trump. He wins hands down. Of course, he tries a lot harder than Andy, ’cause he’s nowhere near as smart or literate or funny as Andy.
What are you so afraid of, Brad?
I would much rather be a liberal toadie than a homophobic racist rightwinger who is afraid of change.
Freddie, as a homosexual you have legal recourse to address any slights, real or imagined. Freedom is truly grand, eh sport?
You are afraid of homosexuals because you are insecure with your own sexuality.
Your wife doesn’t doesn’t think I am gay.
Fred, what is a toadie? That is someone that has no independent thoughts of their own. A toadie can only speak in pc talk. A toadie blindly follows what the leaders want them to say. A toadie accepts a lifestyle that puts him/her in a lower life style while the leaders life the life of Riley.
Example: the roly-poly North Korean leader. A lot of his serfs/slaves do not have enough to eat or other basic necessities of life. Everything is rationed, Fat boy looks like he has not missed any meals lately.
If anyone tries to leave his country, they run the risk of being shot by the border guards while they are trying to escape. The NOKO soldier who escaped last week was shot 5 times by the NOKO soldiers, who actually stepped over the border between the north and south. The South Koreans did not shoot at them though.
Just heard this morning that the NOKO guards have been replaced with new border guards. The guards who let the man cross the border are either in prison or are scheduled to be executed for their failure to stop him.
The Kims that took over NOKO were die hard socialists/ liberals/communists were followed the teachings of lenin, marx and mao along with some other liberal preachers of the ways of socialists.
The Berlin wall was not set up to keep the west from invading East Germany, but it was built to keep the East German people from escaping from the “workers paradise”
Liberals believe in equality, the Kims do not, and neither do you.
Abe Lincoln was what was known as a Liberal Republican back in his day before the Republican and Democratic parties switched platforms. He would not share your backwards views if he were alive today.
I mentioned this before, Andrew. You are the best thing since Dave Barry retired. Really, your humor reminds me of him, and I love your kind of people.
Keep writing, everyone could use more honest griping and good down home humor.
BTW…why is Matthew Stafford making so much money? Is it to trick fans into believing the Lions really are a force to be reckoned with?
Thank you.
Thanks, Karen. I loved Dave Barry. He still does his column every now and then. I miss it.
Stafford is the top paid QB in the NFL, believe it or not. I think the Lions overpaid because they haven’t had a good QB in 50 years.
Thank you!
Andrew Heller will never equal Mike Royko or Ed Love If you modern readers do not know who Mike Royko was, he was a newspaper columnist from Chicago who was lot more neutral about writing stories about corruption in the windy city and at the federal level. Who he voted for and his political leanings sometimes hard to figure out. He had no problem raking either the democrats or the republicans over the coals.
Ed Love was from Flushing MI. He grew up in Flushing.
Ed,s and Mike’s writings and musings were far superior to anything than Andrew could ever write.
I also read Dave Barry. He was a liberal, but, still a better writer than Andrew.
I loved Royko. Not old enough to have read Love. And Barry is also a former fave. I never claimed to be better than any of them. I just do what I do and hope someone likes it. But thanks for the kind words, Jim!
I share your love of newspapers and only wish they were the instruments they used to be. I still read them because the 30 second headline news just doesn’t tell me enough to satisfy my quest for information. Enjoy both your columns and books. Keep up the good work.
Andy, Keep up the good work. Write what your brain tells you to write. Don’t listen to the naysayers who compare you to Royko and Barry. Yes, I read them as well. Yes, they were good. Big deal–they aren’t writing now. I followed you in print, and I follow you here. Do we always agree? Heck no. I have friends I have known for well over 60 years, and we still have disagreements. Does that mean we can’t be friends? Obviously not. So, YES, I am thankful you are still scribbling.
Thanks, Frank. THe naysayers come with the territory. I loved Royko and Barry. And a whole bunch of others, too. After 30 years of doing this, I have a thick skin. But I appreciate the kind words – otherwise, why keep doing this. (Not my day job any longer unfortunately.)
As always, Andy, you give me things to smile about, things to think about, and things to say “He’s right about that”. We still get the paper delivered to our house a few times a week and reading about something in-depth is better than a quick synopsis on line. I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Thank you, Sandra. Hope you had a good one!
Mark Twain said that if you don’t read newspapers you are not informed. If you do, you’re misinformed.
He was speaking in his day, of course. Lot more “fake” news then as now.
I am thankful for Fred’s great line, addressed to Brad: “Your wife doesn’t think I’m gay.”
Andrew, do you wear berets? (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, as somebody quoted here the other day.) What was Berad writing about?
Not entirely sure, but I suspect that’s from an odd attempt at any insult tossed my way by Michael Moore. I followed him around for a day wearing some kind of cap that he for some reason termed a beret. I think it was actually a Greek fisherman’s hat, but don’t remember for sure. Moore wasn’t happy with a column I wrote calling him to task for portraying the Rabbit Lady as a former GM worker (she wasn’t), Miss America (or whomever) as a ditz (in the movie, she blurbles something silly in response to a question from Moore- a guy she didn’t know – about Flint – what was she supposed to say?) and suggesting a charity party where paid actors portrayed statues was a la-de-da affair using former GM workers as statues. Something like that.
I am grateful that Andy unbanned retired, decorated, US Navy officer Dale Harris from his Facebook page. (You did that?… Right Andy?…. You eluded that you would do so)
Dale was banned because he has conservative beliefs and he did a great job of countering Andy’s false views and fake “facts” with documented evidence.
You did live up to your promise…. Right Andy?
I remember this conversation and Andy promised no such thing in that context. Looks like you are still a liar.
Correct. I said I’d do so if he promises to not put words in my mouth. Not sure why Dad thinks he’d necessarily want to come back, anyway.
By the way, you really ought to change your name to “Typical Asshole”.
No, I did not un-ban Dale. If he wants to message me and agree to not put words in my mouth, sure. But not til then. I doubt it’s a great loss either way for Dale. I don’t see what his decorated military status has to do with anything. Thanks for serving, but that doesn’t give him a license to be a jerk. And I didn’t “ban” him for having conservative views. That’s ridiculous. Do I ban you for yours? The persecution complex some conservatives have is pretty stunning.
As you know Andy, he can’t message you. You have him blocked.
You claimed you allow opposing opinions on your Facebook articles. That is untrue. You openly admitted you ban/block people.
Zero credibility Andy…. Zero
Andy, Please do us a favor and “ban/block” “Working Dad.” I will listen to opposing views and have for years. Have even changed my mind a few times based on solid arguments. Even though I have probably been a registered Republican voter for as long as WD has been around it does not mean that I have to concur with much of the BS that has come out of the T Rump Corps.