I see that “mom jeans” – that ‘90s look where the waistband of a woman’s pants are up around her armpits – are back.
Since I’m a guy, you probably expect me to say this is a terrible development in women’s fashion, especially since they are replacing low-rise jeans.
But you would be wrong. I welcome any look that kills off low-rise pants, which are just plain silly, no matter who’s wearing them. Human beings just weren’t meant to show butt cleavage. You don’t see depictions of cave people walking around with loin cloths or bear skins slung so low you can see all the way to “where the good Lord split ya,” as my Grandma Rose used to say.
And yet low-rise jeans became so ubiquitous, everyone was forced to wear them whether they wanted to or not because that’s all the stores sold.
Even I momentarily owned a pair. I bought them after “Old Blue” (yes, I name my pants, don’t you?), a pair of Levis I’d owned for 10 years, finally gave up the ghost.
I didn’t try on the new pants at the store, per my strict policy about getting in and out of clothes stores as fast as possible. My best time, by the way, is two minutes and 38 seconds. It’s a record that may never be broken, although you’re welcome to try.
But I did try them on at home. The lovely yet formidable Marcia took one look, frowned and said, “Um, yeah, no. Humanity isn’t ready for that,” which I was glad for because they were tight and uncomfortable anyway.
The older I get the more I think life’s too short to wear tight and uncomfortable clothes. In my worldview, men shouldn’t bother with tight jeans, neckties or dress shoes, and women should hunt down and stone the idiot that came up with high heel shoes. How they walk around in those things is beyond me. I actually tried it once – not walking in women’s heels but walking on my tiptoes like that. I was sore after two minutes.
Fashion designers are to blame, of course. The profession clearly attracts people who enjoy punking other people. For instance, I saw a Gap ad last week that described mom jeans as “a 90’s throwback that seriously flatters.”
The misuse of a possessive apostrophe in the number notwithstanding, that’s a bald-faced lie. Fashion designers know it, too. They have eyes, after all. High-waisted jeans may be comfortable, but they’re also patently ridiculous, whether you’re a man or a woman. (And make no mistake, high-waisted pants for men are on the way, you watch. MC Hammer is thrilled.)
I don’t believe for a second that fashion designers think mom pants are attractive. I think what happened is they realized people had lost patience with low-rise pants and a replacement was needed so they had a meeting and asked, “What would be the most ludicrous thing we could talk people into wearing?”
“How about buckskin pants with fringes?” one said.
“The anti-fur and leather crowd would protest,” said another.
“How about clown pants – you know, with polka dots on them and secret compartments for rubber chickens and stuff?”
“Too obviously ludicrous.”
“I’ve got it – how about we bring back mom jeans?”
The room fell silent.
“Perfect!” they cheered in unison. “My god, it’ll be hysterical to see people walk around in those again!”
And then they all laughed and toasted one another with white wine spritzers.
So now you know how the fashion world really works.
You’re welcome.
I actually got a new pair of jeans that I didn’t realize were Mom jeans until I put them on at home. Lo and behold, I love the way they fit and don’t really care that they’re high-waisted because I never tuck anything into my jeans anyway. Always wear sweaters or sweatshirts over the top part of my jeans. I’m glad they came back. The low-rise ones usually have too much ‘dunlop’ to look good anyway.
You call them “mom jeans” ……to me. they look so much better than”muffin tops”…and gals wearing a size smaller than they should so they are poured into their jeans….
But then, I am a mom-grandma….age 71 and I guess old people don’t count in the fashion world.
Thanks the thing, Bonnie. No one counts in the fashion world. They literally just make this stuff up and everyone follows along.
Seems there could be something in between. You know like mid range. Hate the mom jeans. Hate the low riders on older ladies that think they look good in them. Common sense and correct fit goes a long way. For some reason I think they have made jeans different for men. I can’t keep them on my waist anymore. Might have something to do with the over abundance of upper torso pushing them down. AKA Big belly!!
For a long time I’ve wanted to write and tell you how much I love your column. I’ve told a number of people about it. Your tongue in cheek handling of serious issues is every bit as good as your “crazy” handling of light issues. AND referring to Marcia as the “lovely but formidable” reminds me of other happily married men. Thank you so much for sharing the fun.
My pleasure, Agnes. I love writing the column even after 30 years. Thank you so much for your kind words. They help more than you know.
Thirty years and I think I’ve read everyone of your columns. Quit dating yourself. Keep them coming and hope for another thirty. Your wit and humor make me smile in a very weird world compared to a world thirty years ago. Used to laugh at my Dad and his worldly views. Now I understand! Ah I feel old.
I would never date myself. I hog the bread basket at restaurants.
You just gave the best description of how fashion trends come about! I don’t like to spend a lot of money on trendy things. It never fails. If it’s the fashion in 2018, it will be gone in 2020, maybe even 2019. I have to agree with BookieB, I like the fit and comfort; and a great sweater covers what we don’t want anyone to see.
I like the look of high heels, but not the 6-inch ones. Shoes are as trendy as clothes. The pointed spikes will soon give way to boxy fronts and block heels, and darn, I just got rid of mine a few months ago!
Please pray for the Humbolt Broncos and their families. Our problems are nothing compared to theirs.
For about 50 years I have worn “regular cut” men’s jeans. They seem to have never gone out of style. I think I will stick with them for another 50 years.
In most cases “Mom Jeans” are still better than Yoga pants.
My only good clothing tip, based on decades of experience:
Men: Wear sport jackets. They give you the look of being one step up over everybody else; they have lots of pockets; they disguise pot bellies; and they keep you warm enough most of the year. You can wear them over any kind of shirt or sweater, with any kind of pants.
I got four matching cotton sport jackets, in different colors, fifteen years ago on sale at Sears. They have served me extremely well, and are just starting now to wear out.