During my annual summer week up north, I saw a T-shirt that said “The Great Lakes – no salt, no sharks, no problems.”
I could have written that myself. I’ve always thought the Great Lakes – in fact, all freshwater lakes – are vastly superior to the ocean.
A big part of it is fear, I’ll admit. Oceans have all sorts of creatures that want to eat you, bite you or sting you. Remember the poor Crocodile Hunter? He was zapped in the heart by a stingray and died. That would never happen in a lake. A snapping turtle mistaking your toes or family jewels for a snack is the worst thing that can happen to you in a lake.
Sharks are by far my biggest fear. I was 14 when “Jaws” came out and the words “I think we’re gonna need a bigger boat” have been stuck in my brain ever since, along with that scene where Quint slides down the deck of the Orca and becomes an appetizer.
I’ve been in the ocean five or six times without incident. But the last time was still the last time I’ll ever venture into the sea past my ankles.
I was standing in waist deep water off of Sanibel Island, Florida, being very brave indeed, while my kids splashed around me. Just as I was beginning to relax and enjoy the warm ocean water, I heard shouting from down the beach and saw people pointing at two fins headed straight for us.
“Aaaaaaagh, sharks!” is what I think I screamed before leaping clear out of the water with my legs spinning cartoon style.
When I looked back from the safety of the beach, everyone else – the kids, the lovely yet formidable Marcia and others who were in the water at the time – was pointing and saying things like, “Isn’t it beautiful?” and “I hope they make another pass.”
Another pass? Are you crazy? I thought.
Then it dawned on me they were dolphins not sharks.
OK, it was embarrassing. And Marcia made fun of me later for not dragging her and the kids out with me. But in my defense, I was the meatiest, most attractive meal of the bunch, so the sharks were bound to come after me first, and I was simply drawing them away from the others.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
But even if that weren’t the case, could you blame me for being leery of ocean? I didn’t grow up on the Gulf of Mexico around sharks, stingrays and jellyfish. I grew up on Lake Michigan around minnows, trout and bass.
I swam in the lake every day during the summer (which, in the U.P., is the very best week of the year) without ever having a single fear that something was going to rise from the depths and have me for lunch. The worst thing that can happen to you in Lake Michigan is a getting a glob of seaweed in your mouth.
You can have the ocean. I’ll stick to my lakes. Call me crazy but I’ve never wanted the last thing anyone says about me to be “Hey, where’d Andy go?”
Image credit: Andrew Kuchling
Ha ha ha ha heeeeeee…… “I swam in the lake every day during the summer (which, in the U.P., is the very best week of the year) ” I very much doubt that I will read a funnier line today. Or this week. Maybe this month. Hysterical.
I have a simple mantra on those rare occasions that I visit the ocean. (I mean, why would you when Lake Michigan and Lake Huron are right here, right now??)
“Don’t go in the water.”
Hilarious! You’re absolutely right about swimming in the ocean, and this is from someone who grew up 10 minutes from the Atlantic Ocean. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been in the ocean…never liked it. I spent my time swimming in pools, lakes and rivers…so much nicer than salty water that makes you feel sticky when you get out. Yuck,
That feeling you get counting fins….and not remembering! I’m with you, head for the sand.
Sorry, Andy, but I love the ocean! I am like you, though; I will only go about ankle deep & let the waves hit the rest of me. The sound of the waves are so peaceful & calming. I’m not much of a swimmer anyway, but if I had to choose, I would have to agree with you; I would rather swim in a lake over the ocean, BUT, if I had another choice, I would choose to spend hours on the beach by the ocean listening to the waves, reading a good book in one hand, drinking a fruity adult beverage with an umbrella in it in the other hand, and letting the waves hit my feet while sitting on a beach chair! *Cue the song, “Kokomo” by the Beach Boys*
Tina– I still prefer the lakes being surrounded by them, big and small, all my life. But, that sounds like my kind of vacay!! ?Schooch over and pass the sunscreen. Lol☀️??
Will do! ?☉??
Lake Michigan IS the best, and its heavenly milk-jade color up north is as pretty as any water anywhere. But, it has boring fish and plants. Just plain silver or grayish fish with dead greenish seaweed. Sometime, I recommend you try snorkeling in an ocean or a salt water sea. The colorful fish of all sizes and shapes will astound you. And, the coral is fantastic.
“Come Heller or high ice”! I grew up on Lake Superior in Marquette and it was great swimming after the ice melted. Pic is Lower Harbor breakwater in May.
I’ve been caught in riptides swimming in Lake Huron, Lake Michigan and the Atlantic off Daytona, swam in the Gulf too and loved the big waves in the Pacific where I think I caught a riptide too. The danger is half the fun! and the salt water is refreshingly different but I’d still choose our Great Lakes over the ocean. I never once worried about sharks but sneaky creatures like water moccasin and scorpions make me shudder and you can suffer a jellyfish sting without going ankle deep in the ocean. Worst experience for me was fire ants which we don’t have to worry about in Michigan.
When I was much younger I really liked the ocean. Swimming and surfing off of Hampton Beach, New Hampshire (where they tow in ice bergs to warm the water) was wonderful. Water skied in the South China Sea. For a few hours I even enjoyed riding some BIG WAVES off of the North Coast of Oahu. Today however my favorite summer water sport is sitting in a lawn chair, butt deep in the stream behind my house while imbibing in a cold one. No sharks, just a few trout and crawdads. Life is good.
Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
I saw a large map decal on the rear window of a hatchback/suv/crossover thing at the grocery store yesterday that said Great Lakes, No Salt, No Sharks