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Come Heller high water … the ‘I can’t believe he said that’ edition

August 1, 2018 by Andrew Heller 15 Comments

Come Heller high water …

  • President Trump tweeted that Attorney General Jeff Sessions “should stop this Rigged Witch Hunt right now, before it continues to stain our country any further.” Which means at some point he’ll be saying that he meant “should not stop.” Seriously, isn’t telling your employee he should stop doing something clear and overt evidence of obstruction of justice? When’s the last time your boss said you “should” do something and you didn’t? It’s an order without technically being an order, which is the cowardly Trump way. He always leaves that wiggle room.
  • And by the way, Don: Over my dead body will this investigation stop. I don’t care if you’re implicated or not. This is about the country, meaning all of us. If you – or anyone – colluded or accepted help from a hostile foreign power, that’s treason in my book.
  • Did you ever think you’d see the day when the Republican Party – which likes to tell people it’s the patriotic party – would say collusion with Russia isn’t a crime? Can you imagine if Obama had said that?
  • 3D-printed guns? Yeah, that’s what we need as a society. I’ll tell you what: When 3D printing becomes cheaper (a plastic gun now costs between $5,000 and $600,000), this country is in for a world of hurt. We rely on metal detectors to protect our courts, stadiums, airplanes, you name it. It’ll be open season for the loons and terrorists when there’s no metal to detect. Thank you, NRA.
  • As long as I live, I will never understand – nor abide by – Starbucks’ use of tall, grande and venti for small, medium and large. I refuse to use their terms on grounds that calling a small a tall is stupid. (I’m a deep thinker.) And I’m against the use of fancy-schmancy or made-up words (venti, for instance, doesn’t make Merriam-Webster) when simple words would do. I wonder what percentage of their customer base is like me. Probably a lot. I suspect they have a company policy against correcting customers on this point because I’ve tried to goad drive-thru clerks into a debate and they never bite.
  • I’m not a huge beer fan, but I will say Bell’s Two Hearted Ale is the best I’ve ever tasted, although I’m willing to accept challengers. Your submissions welcomed.
  • Don’t you think, though, that there are too many micro-breweries for the market to support? Seems like a lot of them are bound to die off. Same goes for coffee shops offering specialty blends. How many of those do we need?
  • We’re coming up on Michigan corn time. There’s none better. Butter and sea salt are my favorite toppings, although Cuban corn (mayo, lime, cayenne and Parmesan) is a close second.
  • I’m starting to hear people talk about football. Please stop it. Football is a fall activity. Summer doesn’t end until Sept. 21. Stop jumping the season.
  • Oh, hell, I might as well join in: My fearless Detroit Lions prediction is they’ll sort of but not quite completely stink, as always. Death. Taxes. Lions.
  • UM coach Jim Harbaugh seems like a weird (in an amusing way) dude. Did you see the report this week about his belief that he doesn’t eat chicken (or didn’t when he was playing at UM, anyway) because it’s a nervous bird? How do you even respond to that if someone says that to you?
  • Speaking of season-jumping, I see the stores are already filling up with fall and winter gear. I refuse to shop at stores that do this. I don’t want to buy fall and winter gear in the summer. I want to buy fall and winter gear in the winter, by which time all that will be available is spring and summer stuff. Life is dumb.
  • The U.S. Department of Agriculture issued a warning yesterday that salads and wraps from Trader Joe’s, Kroger and Walgreen’s may be contaminated with an intestinal parasite. OK, that’s bad. But if you’re like me you’re much more focused on thinking, “Wait, Walgreen’s has salads?” At least if you get sick on one, you’re in the right place. “I’ll take the salad and this Imodium, please.”
  • There have been so many food illness outbreaks lately I’m tempted to stop eating altogether. Is there such a thing as an airotarian? (I’ll try it and let you know how it works out.) The political part of me wonders whether a lack of health inspections has anything to do with the outbreaks. I don’t know about you but food safety should be one area where we stand as one. The more inspections the better.
  •  “Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.” – Marcus Aurelius.

Image credit: Donkey Hotey

Filed Under: All Columns, National politics Tagged With: Andrew Heller, andrewheller.com

Comments

  1. Fred says

    August 1, 2018 at 11:37 pm

    Hey, Heller is back. So much ground has been covered here.

    I don’t get people who act surprised when Trump tweets or says something absurd. This is who he is. He has been showing us this for decades. He simply does not care about anything that isn’t about him. This country and it’s people mean nothing to him. He doesn’t marry Americans. He doesn’t hire Americans. His merchandise is not made by Americans.

    He would gladly open our borders and let the Russians march in if Putin asked him too. Then his base will offer them their women. I recently saw a poll that showed right-wingers would vote for Putin over any Democrat. There is the patriotic party for you.

    When people I thought were respectful and decent continue to support Trump, I realize that they had been lying to me about who they are. They never really had those values and morals to begin with. It was just an act and I am disappointed in them.

    Trump thinks the Mueller investigation is a “stain” on our country. I wonder what he thinks he is on our country. Whatever he is, it will take a long time of scrubbing with a steel brush to clean him off.

    What Trump is doing is testing the waters and getting us used to the idea that he going to fire Sessions eventually and replace him with a Trump-goon who will fire Mueller. The GOP Congress is giving him the clear message that they won’t do a darn thing to stop him. I suspect it will be a midterm election stunt to appease his base and get them out there to vote for extremists who won’t hold him accountable.

    I think you are correct. The investigation will continue, with or without Mueller. If Trump does pull off firing Mueller, as bad as things are for him now, it will be morphed up 100% worse.

    The GOP/Republican Party is no more. There is the Trump Party and there are misplaced conservatives in it who don’t know what to do, so many of them are quitting.

    Reply
  2. Rick Rudden says

    August 2, 2018 at 8:52 am

    Beer challenge: From your birthplace, Upper Hand Yooper Ale.

    Reply
    • Andrew Heller says

      August 2, 2018 at 9:24 pm

      I’ll be in ‘Naba Monday. I’ll give it a try. Much, much research to do.

      Reply
      • Jims says

        August 3, 2018 at 10:56 am

        Geez! You could spend a week just in the U.P. at micro breweries. Didn’t realize how many there are up there.

        Reply
    • Doug says

      August 3, 2018 at 10:27 pm

      Centennial ipa from founders is wonderful and readily available but reclamation ipa from ore dock brewery (Marquette) is heavenly nectar in a bottle.

      Reply
  3. NativeOfMichigan says

    August 2, 2018 at 9:04 am

    From out of Trump’s sewer has slithered the Republican party. The stench is overwhelming.

    Reply
  4. Matthew says

    August 3, 2018 at 11:38 am

    Breatharianism. It is a real thing. People claim they only breathe, and never eat.

    https://www.thesun.co.uk/uncategorized/3804780/breatharian-couple-have-barely-eaten-for-nine-years-and-think-they-only-need-the-universes-energy-to-live-and-she-even-ditched-food-for-her-entire/

    Reply
  5. Matthew says

    August 3, 2018 at 8:55 pm

    Trump likes to celebrate his lies. When he gets away with a whopper, he has his minions decorate the East Room of the White House. He tells them to put up CREEP PAPER.

    Reply
  6. Matthew says

    August 4, 2018 at 4:58 pm

    I was disturbed when one of our frequent posters, recently made a reference to, “raping children.” To me, this seemed utterly out-of-the-blue, completely random.

    So… I tried to look into this bizarre thing. I found out that the far-out fringe right-wingers seem to believe all of our American Democrats and many others secretly actually rape children. !

    Much of the discussion of this idea comes from an internet person known as Q Anon. Here is what Wikipedia say about Q Anon:

    “QAnon adherents believe that the Mueller investigation is actually a countercoup led by Donald Trump, and that Mueller is working to expose the Democrats. They believe that Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and George Soros are trafficking children and are also planning a coup. They believe that Donald Trump’s enemies, including Huma Abedin and John McCain, wear ankle bracelets so that Trump can track their whereabouts; that J.P. Morgan sank the Titanic; that the Rothschilds family are the leaders of a satanic cult; and that certain Hollywood stars are pedophiles.

    By interpreting the information fed to them by Q, QAnon adherents believe they will usher in a “Great Awakening” – a Christian revival. “The implication is that resolving the clues left by Q would not just explain Trump’s planned countercoup. It would also explain the whole universe.” [20]”

    Completely cuckoo, no?

    Reply
    • Andrew Heller says

      August 4, 2018 at 7:17 pm

      I was disturbed by that comment, too, which is why I’ve restricted that poster’s access to this forum. I don’t know about the Q Anon stuff. But at this point I wouldn’t put anything past the deplorables.

      Reply
      • Jims says

        August 5, 2018 at 1:50 pm

        Don’t know if he was one in the same or you restricted a couple other ones. But haven’t heard from tom3 or brad in a while.

        Reply
        • Matthew says

          August 5, 2018 at 5:22 pm

          That was Jim III. Tom is different. Yeah. Donde esta Brad?

          Reply
  7. Jims says

    August 5, 2018 at 1:47 pm

    You talked me into the Bells. Was a little hesitant at 9.99 a six pack though You were absolutely right, some of the best ale I have had. It was truly worth the ten bucks.

    Reply
  8. Matthew says

    August 9, 2018 at 6:39 pm

    Chain Migration! Destroying America! Mrs. Ilania Trump’s parents just became US citizens. She brought in her parents. And, they are old, cannot work much, might wind up on our welfare rolls. Where are they from? Bogangea? I believe they might be Muslims.

    Reply
  9. Matthew says

    August 10, 2018 at 4:29 pm

    Tariffs Needed on Wives from Other Countries! Our President needs to impose tariffs on brides from outside America. No different from imported steel or aluminum. He himself has had two of the above. He could afford to pay the tariffs. How should we figure 25% tariffs on women from Yugoslavia and the Czech Republic?

    Reply

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Andrew Heller has been an enduringly popular newspaper columnist in Michigan for a long, long, long time. He wrote his first column for the Escanaba Daily Press way back in 1979. It was about his … Continue Reading

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