First published July 3, 2016 .. reprinted this year because A) I’m lazy, and B) It’s still the truth
I don’t mean smoke bombs, sparklers and snakes. Those are boring, thus banning them would be like banning oatmeal, which come to think of it, isn’t a bad idea. Bland tends to ban itself.
I mean ban fun fireworks. Anything that delights the soul. Or bedazzles the eye. Or rattles the windows. Or leaps from the earth with its butt on fire. Or causes moms to get the vapors (maybe the truest test of all). Anything, in short, that, when you light it, makes you feel like you did when you were a kid and got away with something you shouldn’t have.
For most of my life, those types of fireworks were banned in Michigan, which made them all the more fun if you got your hands on some.
Back in my grade school days, Joey Liss and I used to put platoons of green plastic Army men on the ice floes that would form in the alley next to his home. Then we’d knock them off with illicit firecrackers and bb guns, thereby saving the nation from invasion. Great kid fun in a much more innocent time.
Later, I’d go back to Escanaba, my hometown in the U.P., for the Fourth and delight the nephews and nieces with a private fireworks show after the city’s fireworks show. Ours was always better and generally safe, except for the time the Roman candle tipped over and shot a ball of fire over everyone’s head.
I’m still apologizing to the mothers in our family for that. (Yeah. I’m apparently “that” uncle.)
When the state changed the fireworks law a few years ago and suddenly everything short of nuclear weapons was legal, I was initially delighted. Instead of getting whiz-bangs from the reservation near Escanaba, I could get them anywhere.
Awesome.
But then reality set in. As an adult who gives a crap about other people, I’ve always limited my fireworks use to the Fourth, maybe the night before. Setting them off in a neighborhood any other time seems a bit rude, y’know? A lot of older people don’t like it. Dogs hate it. People are sleeping. And what about veterans with PTSD?
I am clearly alone in my restraint. Since the law changed, I hear and see fireworks nearly every night, often all night, from Memorial Day through Labor Day.
And I don’t mean little fireworks – Roman candles or bottle rockets. I mean big ones. The kind that make you think the next neighborhood over is ticked off for some reason and invading your neighborhood and they’re beginning with a rolling artillery barrage. The kind that make even me ask, “Those are legal?”
I’d like to think we could modify the existing law by getting rid of fireworks that belong in professional hands. (Here’s one guideline: If it’s called a “mortar shell” maybe that’s a sign Bob down the street shouldn’t own it.) I’d also like to think people will start to behave better.
But neither is going to happen. (Me, I can behave with fireworks and other things. The rest of you? Not so much.)
So maybe we’d be better off going back to the old law.
Boring as it was.
Have a safe, happy Fourth.
Image credit: Craighton Miller
Dead on about waking people up – someone in our neighborhood forgot that some people have to work Monday 7/3 – fireworks going off at 11:30 pm are NOT appreciated…
So you are hoping for a ban on “assault fireworks”? Perhaps you will claim their is a “Fireworks Stand Loophole”?
It’s funny how your desire to eliminate Americans ability to use fireworks parallels your false views on law abiding citizens owning and using firearms.
THEIR in place of THERE? Oy.
They’re is a knead two try too right write.
Our neighborhood is relatively quiet this year. Our Bob Down the Street moved, actually got busted for MJ grow. Actually an attempt at, since he was getting his gardening advice from undercover cop. Mom and Dad so proud!
It’s not the same since Bob has gone. We’re going Trendy Millenial. About the most noisy thing around here is bubble tea.
Enjoy the 4th. Count all your fingers tomorrow. Flags out. Enjoy our freedoms.
Suze, You write some of the best stories in this space. Please keep up your on-target posts.
Saturday night, after spending the day filling a 40 yard roll off dumpster with years worth of junk from my parent’s old barn, I was exhausted and ready to sleep. 15 minutes after closing my eyes the barrage of cannon fire began. The onslaught lasted well into the wee hours of the morning, I assume, only stopping when the drunken neighbors finally ran out ammunition, or passed out.
Maybe I was just tired and cranky, but it did seem to be more intense and lasted longer than in previous years. All I could think is, welcome to trump’s America, where rude and obnoxious is the norm….. ‘Murica!!
I agree with all of you on fireworks, but what in the world does this have to do with President Trump? Is he to blame for everything in your world? Wishing all a very happy and safe Independence Day. Remember, it is not all about picnics, hot dogs, & fireworks. This is a great day in America! Enjoy everybody!
Ernie, since you commented so civilly today, I would like to respond. I hope you continue commenting civilly, so we can learn to understand our differences.
You are right, I shouldn’t blame trump for everything, especially considering that the blame really falls on the DNC for nominating a largely disliked candidate, and the voters who sat out this election or wrote in a name, because they couldn’t see a difference between trump and Hillary.
In this context, first of all, a lot of people who didn’t vote for trump are not in a celebrating mood. Second, my town went overwhelming to trump, it is a safe bet that my neighbors support him.
When we have a president who brags about grabbing women as if it is his right to do so, calls women fat pigs, and calls other people childish names (too many to list) on an almost daily basis, people have to look at all that and ask themselves; Is this how a mature adult behaves? Or is this rude and obnoxious childish behavior? Most decent people, I think including you, would conclude the later.
Then people should ask themselves; If the President of the United States can behave so rudely and obnoxiously, why can’t I? Why can’t I walk into work tomorrow and say to my co-worker; Good morning Miss Piggy? Why can’t I shoot off the loudest fireworks into the wee hours of the morning and drive my neighbors nuts knowing they can’t do anything about it? I won’t even suggest some of the other things trump says it’s okay to do, out of respect to women everywhere.
Finally, how does someone explain to their young children or grandchildren that it is not okay to behave in such an obnoxious and rude way or to treat women with such disrespect, when they elected someone to the most powerful position in the world who openly behaves that way every day?
Can you please explain that to me?
Happy 4th of July to you too and everyone else.
Fred, there is absolutely no way that either I nor you can change the other’s thinking. No way in God’s world can I ever understand liberal views. And, I’m sure you probably feel the same. No problem, as I grew up a union official, always a conservative, if not a Republican. I never understood where the other guys were coming from. Not that I didn’t try and could see their point but did not agree. I grew up in a household that never took anything from anyone, let alone a government agency. I worked hard all of my life, gave and helped out those that also did, but can not understand the thinking of liberals in Congress and elsewhere that believe in income equality. President Trump won the election, Hilliary lost, please can those on the losing candidates side see that and now try to work together to bring America to the place it once held in the world? And, as a side note, please notice that our presidents name is capitalized in my comments as is Hilliary’s. A sign of respect for the office, at least!
First of all I actually respect those positions you mentioned that are held by conservatives. I would had been comfortable with Jeb Bush, Marco Rubio, and I might even had been able to tolerate Ted Cruz. This is not about conservative vs liberal. This is about what kind of standards we hold our president too. You did not answer any of my questions. Please do answer them.
Secondly, when you say things like this; “President Trump won the election, Hilliary lost, please can those on the losing candidates side see that and now try to work together to bring America to the place it once held in the world?” Does this mean that you accepted Barack Obama as your president and wanted those on the losing side to please work with him? I should also point out that many of our allies have been recently pulling away from us, due to trump, it is even on Fox News. So I am not sure he is getting us back to that “place it once held in the world?” either.
Finally, the beauty of America is we can protest against our elected leaders and criticize them without fear of reprisal. One of my ways of protesting trump is to never capitalize his name. I think it’s mostly harmless.
I am looking forward to your response.
It may interest those who want to ban fireworks in the name of “safety”…. The majority of fireworks related injuries as reported by hospitals are caused by sparklers.
Not mortars, not firecrackers, not bottle rockets, not Roman Candles…. But wimpy ole sparklers.
Examples of recent conduct from some of those law abiding firearm owners.
http://6abc.com/traffic/suspect-arrested-idd-in-chester-co-road-rage-killing/2164008/
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/07/03/colorado-man-mistakes-son-for-intruder-shoots-and-kills-him.html
Fred, I usually am on your side, but what do these things have to do with the topic here? Fireworks?
Just helping a couple commentors above see the light. I hope you don’t mind.
How in the world did we go from fireworks to Trump??! Andrew, I put up a couple great stories in response to this article, a year ago. Shall I repeat them? They had nothing to do with Trump. They were about bottle-rocket battles and M-80s, as far as I recall.
Actually, I would like to get my hands on some old fashioned “Cherry Bombs.” (No–I would not light them in my hand.) Yes, I have some small stumps that need split.
It’s Obamas fault.
I think it’s about one-quarter Clinton’s fault, plus about three-quarters G.W. Bush’s fault.
There is a lot I can say about the dumb things me and my friends did with homemade “firecrackers,” but I shouldn’t because I don’t need the “black helicopters” over my home … again. Kidding. Kidding about the helicopters, anyway.
In college, my buds and I used to have a great time doing something really dumb with bottle rockets and the handles of our lacrosse sticks that had the protective plastic tips of the handles designed to keep you from inadvertently taking a “core sample” from the midsection of your opponent during play either worn away or removed to leave the handle open at the bottom of the sticks.
I’ll leave it up to your imagination to see those handles were pointable “bottles” from which to launch bottle rockets. We are lucky we didn’t burn each other’s apartments or whole buildings down as we shot them right through each other’s windows across a courtyard. Dumb with a capital “Duh.”
Luckily, I have all my fingers and even more toes …
Sometimes I enjoy fireworks and other times I do not. Hopefully tonight will tame down most of the fireworks and they will cease for a while.
Talking to one of workers where I live, he lives in Mt. Morris area. He was telling about someone in his neighborhood who was setting off full sticks of dynamite. The police had been trying to catch him in the act for a few days. But, the police always showed with their headlights on. They did not use their warning lights. Last night they got smart. At least 5 cruisers waited in the area with their lights off. The guy went out there and started setting off some more “fireworks”. The police came in from different directions and caught him and some of his friends.
Fireworks are one thing, setting off dynamite is entirely a different matter. That makes it a federal matter. I do believe that the ATF is now involved in this matter.
To either Tom or Fred, I do not remember which one. Last week or so I mentioned an Article about the city counsel of Detroit transferring funds from the school funds to help pay for the over priced arena for the Detroit Pistons. He wanted proof. I could not remember where I read the article. In the Flint Journal yesterday there is an article about the situation on page A-11.
I am not going to cover the whole article. It does verify what I wrote and even a few other details that were not listed in the first article that I read. Public taxes should never be used to fund a private enterprise like a sports arena.
Since someone brought gun control in an earlier post. Chicago had 11 or 12 murdered and 80 or so wounded over the weekend. Chicago has very strict gun control laws. I wonder how many of those involve were peaceful law abiding citizens and how many were caused by gangs and other law breakers.