Andrew Heller

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Sinking in the polls, right along with you-know-who

May 21, 2017 by Andrew Heller 18 Comments

Thanks to Trump, politics is all anyone can talk about these days. It’s even creeping into our private lives.

For instance, when I came home the other day, my wife and three kids were gathered in the family room waiting for me.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“I think you’re going to want to sit for this,” the lovely yet formidable Marcia said, looking grave. “The new poll numbers are in.”

“Poll numbers? You mean on Trump?”

“No, on you.”

“On me? You took a poll on me?”

“Yes, and I’m afraid your approval ratings are at an all-time low.”

“All-time low? You mean there have been other polls?”

“Monthly,” she said. “Since last year. And as you can see from this chart, last May you were …”

“Wait. You have a chart?”

“How else were we going to track your performance? Now as I was saying, last May you were trending pretty well in the ‘strongly approve’ category, which we attribute to your decision to take us all on vacation.”

“But then?”

“But then you can see a downturn starting right about the time you got rid of the unlimited data package for our cell phones.”

“But that was costing a fortune!”

“That may be true, but it cost you with the kids. You dropped from a 60 percent approval rating all the way down to 50 on that decision alone.”

“Fifty percent?” I protested. “That’s outrageous.”

“Well, it was a very unpopular decision. But it pales in comparison to the drop you took after January’s ‘We’re not getting another damned dog’ fiasco. That dropped you all the way down to an unprecedented 33 percent.”

“Well, at least a third of the house still likes what I do.”

“Used to, anyway.”

“Used to?”

“Well, sure. That was January. Since then there have been other declines based on a series of controversial decisions and … let’s just call them family faux pas.”

“Such as?”

“Well, there was a 5 percent dip when you tried to put the new microwave in.”

“But the install guy wanted $90 bucks!”

“And I wanted a cabinet without extra holes in it.”

“I apologized for that!”

“Sorry don’t feed the bulldog,” she said. “You also dropped another 3 percent when you forgot to get me chocolates for Mother’s Day.”

“You said you were dieting!”

“And, finally, the dog was definitely not happy about you yelling at him for peeing in the hallway, which cost you another 3 points.”

“Wait a second, the dog votes?”

“Of course he does. He’s part of the family.”

“So do I get to have a poll about you guys?”

“You can, but I’d advise against it. I’m already hearing rumblings of the I-word.”

“Irritation?”

“Impeachment.”

Impeachment? Good grief, things are worse than I thought. Maybe I need a household spokesperson to smooth out my wrinkles. Where’s Sean Spicer when you need him?

Image credit: Donkey Hotey

Filed Under: All Columns, Humor, National politics Tagged With: Andrew Heller, andrewheller.com

Comments

  1. Working Dad says

    May 21, 2017 at 9:59 am

    You certainly are obsessed with President Trump. You can’t even write a (supposedly) funny, family type story without posting exaggerating cartoons and trying to equate all things negative to Trump. You are truly displaying unhealthy signs of obsession.

    Here are a few facts for you to absorb and accept.

    1. Donald Trump is your President.
    2. Hillary lost (get over it)
    3. Lying, liberal, fake news generating “journalists” will not change either of the above.

    Reply
    • Andrew Heller says

      May 21, 2017 at 10:09 am

      Nope, sorry, your side gets all the well-deserved credit for this guy – what a string of Republican presidents we’ve had. Nixon, GW Bush, and now Trump. You must be so proud.

      Reply
    • Fred says

      May 21, 2017 at 10:16 am

      Then why are you still so angry?

      Reply
    • Kathy Fiebig says

      May 21, 2017 at 10:58 am

      And YOU, Working Dad, seem to be obsessed with Andrew Heller. Don’t like his page? Don’t read it.

      Yes, Trump is President and no, we aren’t going to get over it. We will continue to resist at all times and in all ways.

      Many of us didn’t want Hillary, either. Absorb that.

      This was by no stretch of the imagination a “news” story. It’s a funny column. Accept that.

      Reply
      • Bill says

        May 21, 2017 at 11:28 am

        Working Dad loses all credibility when the term “fake news” comes out. Shows that they are a Fox News and Trump loving zombie who refuses to listen to rhyme or reason even with indisputable facts right in front of their face. I’ve had former Facebook friends that give out the same BS.

        Reply
    • Tom says

      May 21, 2017 at 1:07 pm

      Big Daddie, Woof! You are in violation of the Minimal Sense of Humor Amendment. Homeland Security is starting deportation proceedings. We are going to send you back to your native land of Sourpussia.

      Reply
      • Anne fischer says

        May 21, 2017 at 4:42 pm

        Love this!!!!

        Reply
    • Patty says

      May 21, 2017 at 7:46 pm

      W.D. – you and your guy made your beds, now you gotta cover up in it.

      Reply
  2. John Matonich says

    May 21, 2017 at 10:02 am

    Love it…Thanks for the smile on a drizzly Sunday morning, Andy. Good luck with a poll rebound. Even Nixon rebounded a few years after resigning. I remember the polls calling him “Tanned, rested and ready” 🙂 ….

    Reply
    • Andrew Heller says

      May 21, 2017 at 10:56 am

      I’m hoping for a rebound but all the signs point to further decline.

      Reply
  3. James says

    May 21, 2017 at 11:10 am

    Gotta love it when you have a President, who in his own mind has no restraints or believes he is still running the Apprentice Show yourrrrrrrrrrrrrr fired other then the goverment. As to Tricky Dick.The old saying, If you have nothing good to say, say nothing. Trump will not last the 4 years he cannot stand the checks & balances that go with our US Goverment.

    Reply
  4. Tom says

    May 21, 2017 at 1:26 pm

    Andrew, Fun in a brilliant way! Kudos to you for finding a great column that is not about Trump! How did Mr. Dad turn this into a discussion of Mr. Trump?

    My own domestic polling just went down because I used the word KUDOS in a written communication. However, I had a slight upward bounce when my Press Secretary explained to the press corps that I know KUDOS is a singular noun.

    Reply
    • Working Dad says

      May 21, 2017 at 8:43 pm

      You need to go back and read again. Andy Heller put a Trump cartoon at the top of this article. His first paragraph calls out Trump.

      I was in fact pointing out how Andy turns everything into a Trump bash. Sorry you didn’t understand.

      Reply
      • Fred says

        May 21, 2017 at 10:03 pm

        Do you need a tissue…snowflake?

        Reply
      • Tom says

        May 21, 2017 at 10:06 pm

        Hey, Working Dad, Your internet name offends me. You may be a Working Dad, but we all know Andrew Heller also is a Hard-Working Dad. And, probably everybody who posts here either is a Hard-Working Dad or a Hard-working Mom.

        The name you have chosen apparently is meant as some sort of right-wing put-down. As if the rest of us might be Lazy Welfare-Cadillac-Drivers. Wrong. And, the fact that you have no sense of humor whatsoever offends all of us.

        Please go somewhere else. There are plenty of www outlets for strictly-literal propaganda-believing people who have no original, personal thoughts or ideas. Go there, please, and let us live in the real world without you.

        Reply
  5. Oldugly says

    May 21, 2017 at 2:36 pm

    Thank you for brightening up my day.

    Reply
  6. Karen says

    May 21, 2017 at 7:28 pm

    It baffles me as to why you, Andrew, can take a nosedive in the family polls with in my opinion, small infratctions. You have my sympathy. Father’s Day is coming up soon, and I do hope you are deluged with love and beer. At least the beer!

    As to your continued Trump bashing. Really, I have to watch CNN every afternoon to find “Breaking News.” And unfortunately every day brings another jaw dropping action or worse yet, a Tweet from the President. Ugh…it’s difficult for me to acknowledge that he has that title. I sigh a lot.

    Reply
  7. Jim III says

    May 22, 2017 at 4:29 pm

    Working Dad,
    you and I have to understand that we are dealing with individuals who have a severe case of Trump derangement syndrome. Somewhat similar to those who had obamma derangement syndrome.
    The biggest difference is that those who had ODS pretty well went along in life and did the best we could do under the previous president.
    However, those with TDS have a severe problem. That is they tend to slander, smear, degrade and strive and sometimes succeed in shouting down those who somewhat support President Trump. No, I do not support all of President Trump’s decisions.
    The people with TDS are like lemmings of Swedish lore.
    I watch a couple of lam stream media outlets. The hatred towards President Trump is very apparent. No matter what President trump does it is wrong in their eyes. A couple of them have gone completely around the bend in their criticisms of the president.
    The firing of Comey as the FBI director has them really foaming at the mouth.
    Claims to have a memo from a meeting with President Trump in that the president supposedly had asked Comey to stop the investigation of General Flynn. Problem with that is comey had written the memo himself. Now if President Trump had written the memo and signed it, then President trump would be in violation of Federal law.
    Democrats, progressives or whatever name they call themselves are against the 1st amendment, unless you chant and walk in lockstep/goosestep what they are saying.

    Reply

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Andrew Heller has been an enduringly popular newspaper columnist in Michigan for a long, long, long time. He wrote his first column for the Escanaba Daily Press way back in 1979. It was about his … Continue Reading

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