I’m a new grandmother. And it’s a little weird.
Not bad, actually it feels great, but a little weird.
I still miss my grandmothers. Fiercely some days. They were a huge and important part of my life.
My grandmothers were as different as night and day. One a prim, proper old-school housewife, like June Cleaver she wore a dress nearly every day. Her week was organized by tasks, Mondays were laundry, Tuesday always meant ironing –with the radio on in the kitchen. She loved her “stories” and when I stayed the night she would make real chocolate malts and at breakfast there was always coffee with cream (pre-café au lait) and a platter with scrambled eggs, fried eggs and poached eggs, the choice was mine.
My other grandmother didn’t bake or cook much, dinner at her house, when I would stay over, was often hot dogs rolled in crescent rolls. But every Thanksgiving she would make a “tourtiere” – a French meat pie that was as light as a cloud and perfectly delicious. She loved a good highball, 7/7 with a maraschino cherry. She taught me how to play cards, particularly poker, she was a walking book of Hoyle.
One grandma planted roses and flowers that always bloomed, the other cherished a lilac bush in her backyard. One gave me advice on being a gentle woman, the other advised me to be strong. Both lived on the same street, at opposite ends of the block and within bike-riding distance during my growing years.
These memories make me happy and a little sad. Partly because I haven’t even held my darling new granddaughter yet. She’s many miles away in the sunny land of California and my work doesn’t allow for me to leave just yet.
Thanks to technology, Facetime brings us together every day. My screen is a filthy mess because I’m constantly trying to touch her face.
It’s going to be very hard to be a distant grandmother, but I know many of you are distant grandparents and manage to make it work. I have already begun a grand relationship with Amazon and I will surely journal my thoughts to share with her when she gets older.
When retirement finally comes my way, I imagine things will be less complicated. Popping on a plane for a visit without having to schedule around work will be easier.
I had the best of both worlds with two grandmothers that meant the world to me. As a result, I make awesome peanut butter cookies and a mean highball. It’s hard to think of myself as a grandmother and I wonder what skills I’ll pass along, what advice will I give that might last a lifetime?
When I’m gone will she miss me as fiercely as I miss my grandmothers? Will I give her memories and advice that years later will cause her to smile the same way I do when I plant a flower or win at a game of Black-jack? I wonder.
Being a grandmother has been the best part of my ife. Pure joy in their love. I am so lucky because until my oldest grandson went into basic training this summer, all six live within 49 minutes of me. I hope you can hold her soon!
You sound like you really enjoy it. How lucky to have all six so close.
Oh what a fine memory. And lucky you. I was lucky too, being able to experience at least one Grandma, defined in her ways and with a strong presence. Should we all be so lucky. And be that for your grandbabies, too. Be you.
Love that advice. I’ll do me and we’ll just see what happens.
Welcome to being a grandparent! There is no other thing in this world to compare it to. There is such a big difference in grandkids and your own children because you can let them do and eat whatever they want we don’t have to worry about it! Seriously though our first one was also born in CA and it was tough. We got lucky and they came back to Mi. Military son in law. It’s hard when your that far apart, but don’t fret it’s the quality not quantity time that matters. With the technology in this day and age it does help. Enjoy.
Ah, quality not quantity. Now there’s advice I can live with. Thanks!!!
Congratulations!! Just getting to “know you” through your columns, I am sure you will be an excellent Grandmother! Best wishes to the whole family!
Thank you – I hope to be a good grandmother, just gotta get my mojo working.
Thanks for reading!
Congratulations! Yay for technology~ and Amazon 🙂
Boy is that the truth! I’m going to have to pace myself with the “buying stuff for the baby” plans.
Facetime is awesome, just can’t smell her and I miss that.
I too had ‘long distance’ grandchildren. It was hard, but we spent most vacations visiting CA or NJ to be able to spend some quality time with then. That was before ‘Skype’ ‘Facetime’ or any of those technologies. By the time the gr.grandchildren arrived those techs were around, so we spent a lot of time on Skype with them, it was such a treat, they didn’t grow up and change so quickly as they did when we only saw them once or twice a year. You’ll be a sweet grandmother with all those wonderful memories of your grandmothers. Congrats Brenda!
Thank you, sure hope I can make some wonderful memories with this special girl.
Another great article…congrats on your new granddaughter, she’ll bring joy to the family for years to come!
Thank you. We are all a little bit in love with her right now. Hope it doesn’t wear off too soon.
How lucky you were to have 2 grandmothers! I didn’t have any and felt cheated my entire life. I remember crying when the neighborhood kids grandparents would come to visit them on Sunday and bring them Milky Way candy bars. Treasure your opportunity. Love every minute of it. It is the greatest experience I’ve had.
I do treasure those memories, I think that’s why it’s so hard to be so far away from this new little one. I want to be close enough for a bike ride, and overnight stays. Just have to find a new way to build memories.
Hi Brenda!
Your boy needs to make sure to keep coming home often! He has a beautiful family. I always crack up because every time I see his posts on Facebook, I’m asked if I would like to tag Brandon. LOL!
Never fails. It’s always Brandon’s fault. They do get home often, I just need to hold that baby before the next time they get here.
There is no “because.” Kids just automatically love their grandparents, no matter what, no reason required. To heck with work and geography. Please just get out there to California, and meet the kid.
You’re probably right, it might just be “because.” Hope I meet her soon!
Grandchildren are God’s way of compensating us for growing old. I cross stitched this saying years ago for my mom and I have it in my house now. Grandchildren are the greatest. We can spoil them and give them back to their parents.
I’m so looking forward to that spoil and return policy. I may even learn how to cross stitch.
I have enjoyed being a grandmother to my five handsome grandsons over their lives, as Nana. I have now been blessed with a wonderfulGreat grandson. Recently honored with a great grand daughter. My life is wonderful. Love to them all.
Brenda,
I’ve been a gramma a year now and it’s still a weird feeling. The weirdest part is the fierceness of my love for them (TWINS!). While we are on the other side of MI from them, a doable day trip, it pains me that I can’t see them everyday. I am resolved to make my mark, and each time I see them I tell them a little secret to remember that gramma LOVES them.
Can I recommend a book to you? Here? I had to research the being a grandma thing and found an awesome book.
Yes, please do recommend a book. I love that you can see those sweet babies with just a day trip, but I know what you mean about feeling bad that you can’t see them everyday. I love the idea of sharing a little secret with every visit. Beautiful!
It’s a book of essays ” eye of my heart”, edited by Barbara Graham; the hidden pleasures and perils of being a grandmother…
It is hard, the distance (esp. if “other grandma” lives close) but you will find a way for the love to be known and felt.