A selfie-video appeared on my Facebook newsfeed recently. A rant about transgender people being allowed to use a bathroom based on the gender with which they identify versus the gender to which they were born.
He was concerned his daughter might find herself in a bathroom with “perverts.” He also discussed the need for the second amendment so that all fathers are able to protect their daughters from transgender pedophiles.
North Carolina agrees with him. They have a new law that does not allow transgender people to use a bathroom. Well, they get to use a bathroom, but not the bathroom designated for the gender with which they identify.
Not to be outdone, South Carolina lawmakers introduced a bill that would require transgender people to use public bathrooms but only bathrooms that match their gender at birth.
If the guy in the video is worried that a sexual predator could dress like a woman and infiltrate the women’s bathroom in search of victims to abuse – this bathroom law won’t change that.
Nothing works like fear mongering. I worry more about what this man is teaching his daughter.
Look, when I have to go to the bathroom, I really have to go. It’s a terrible habit, and hard on your bladder, to wait until the last minute, but the least of my worries when I finally get into a bathroom is who happens to be in the stall next to me.
Even further from my thoughts is whether or not the person in the next stall answering nature’s call is a female from birth or from identity.
And if a transgender individual who identifies as a woman uses a bathroom designated for women, I’m guessing that unless you’re looking really, really close, you aren’t likely to know. There are no standup urinals in the women’s bathroom. Although there is often a sofa – apparently some of us gals still swoon, but I digress.
If a transgender individual who identifies as male uses a bathroom designated for women, I’m guessing he will use a stall and not draw attention to himself. Most transgender don’t go out of their way to draw attention. And many who have, have suffered for it.
I understand that fear that parents have when they have to let children go into a public bathroom alone. I took my sons into women’s bathrooms for years. But when they were old enough to protest (about age 6 or 7) and they only had me alongside, it meant letting them go into the men’s bathroom alone.
Fathers of daughters and mothers of sons know that horrible feeling that comes when you let your child go without you. It’s frightening, but it is inevitable.
We had conversations about strangers and when I finally agreed to let them go alone, I stood outside the door and waited for (what I considered) a reasonable amount of time to pee, wash hands and get out (approximately 90 seconds). If they weren’t out, I opened the door and called their names and if I didn’t get an answer, I went in.
I only had to do that once, after that, they learned to move fast.
There is so much to worry about – clean water, jobs, a deteriorating infrastructure – I find it hard to believe some folks can get so cranked up about who gets to use which bathroom.
Go in, do your business and get out – but please, wash your hands. Other than that, leave everybody else alone.
Brenda’s column appears at noon every Monday.
result of states’ latest push back against bathroom fears: there will be new universal symbols on public bathroom doors, behind each will be a security guard demanding you drop your drawers before advancing (and of course they will have to drop theirs to assure us they’re real security). There will be 3 symbols on the doors: penises, vaginas, and a face like Macaulay Culkin’s in Home Alone, scared to death at what we might find in the other 2 options…
Lol Tim. Yeah, it’s getting that crazy. What I think is really interesting is that the same folks who say they stand for smaller government and more freedoms, keep coming up with new bills and laws that are restrictive and discriminatory. Not to mention that they are not backed by any data or sensible logic, like a complete lack of evidence of attacks on children having taken place by transgendered persons in a restroom. Although there is plenty of evidence of attacks ON transgendered persons taking place in restrooms, or as a result of their presence in that restroom.
Let’s worry less about our pee pees and more about our humanity or lack of it in this world.
Now that’s funny! I’ll be headed for the Macaulay Culkin door.
I believe the Beatles summed it up best when they sang: speaking words of wisdom, let them pee.
HA! Perfect. And yes, words of wisdom, indeed.
Fear is likely in the DNA of those concerned with transgender’s using bathrooms. Read Jonathon Haidt’s book “The Rightous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Religion and Politics” to learn why conservatives behave the way they do (and liberals for that matter). I have traveled in Europe and China where gender neutral restrooms tend to be the norm. Not aware of reported problems in those countries with transgender pedophile perverts attacking youngsters. I never felt threatened by others of the opposite sex and liked having restroom attendants (mainly female, occasional male) handing me towels etc. after I was done. It will take time to desensitize the fearfulness as is the case with most cultural norm shifts.
Time will tell. But how long do we have to wait?
Well said!
Thank you Tina!
1. I have been through this with my mother. Sometimes, I have tried to go into airport ladies rooms with her, to help her get out of her wheelchair onto the pot, and then back into the chair. Mother will not hear of it! I have asked strangers, women heading into the ladies rooms to check on my mom, when she seems to be taking too long.
2. Apparently, many people, in their minds, connect peeing and pooping with sex. Yuck! All these Bathroom Laws seem sick.
Oh Tom, that’s awful!! And what a brilliant example that doesn’t involve a child.
Reading your column or Andy’s is never dull! Very well said, as usual..
Well that’s a good thing!
Your comments are spot on, I agree with them 100%.
You are obviously very wise.
Bless you! Transgender people are being treated like black people used to be, separate bathrooms, water fountains. Transgender isn’t contagious and they won’t prey on your children. They also have an extremely high rate of being murdered. I would hope that we had gotten beyond these horrible attitudes. It’s like saying, oh you have blue eyes, you can’t use this restroom.
Make sure all bathrooms have stalls WITH DOORS…..becomes non issue.
No comments about aim or leaving the seat up, how disappointing! Lol
Darn. Wish I would have thought of that.